Pregnancy cravings and the weight gain mission update

So eating is a world better these days. I'm not entirely sure I've been one of those women with real pregnancy cravings. The more I look back I realize I've just craved things I would want normally. And after experiencing the rare pregnancy symptom of appetite loss, I'm not entirely sure I'm eating a ton as much as I am eating more than I was a few months ago.

Yesterday I ran out and got myself my most recent craving, a turkey and Brie sandwich served on a crispy baguette from La Madeline. The whole time I was eating it I was thinking, "I'm a big fat cow but this is amazing." I've had 4 of these in the past couple weeks. And first or second trimester Page would never touch turkey or Brie... Both pregnancy no no's.

So when I woke up this morning I decided Thanksgiving weekend is over, and it's time to assess the damage. I mean, we ate two Thanksgiving meals, my mom sent us home with tons of leftovers including a pumpkin pie, and we had one day where we ate out all day. Time to see a middle digit I've never seen on my scale before.

Well, guess who lost 2 pounds? This girl. That means I am up 8 pounds from my pre pregnancy weight. That means when my 7 month pregnant body fit in to a Gap medium (not maternity) the other day, it might not have been the fluke I thought it was. 

My mom had a theory a long time ago that the fertility drugs I took for a year leading up to the pregnancy had artificially boosted my weight. Brian thought she was spot on. I wasn't too sure but now I feel like she has to be right. I'm not doing anything wrong (but I'm a first timer so I don't really know), and I might just never hit my 25 pound goal. So now I think I should realistically shoot for a 20 pound gain. That's 12 pounds in 9 weeks - sounds doable.

So I text Brian that maybe going back on the ensures was in order.

It's sad to force myself to gain because I have so much weight I want to lose after pregnancy. I would like to lose 30 pounds from my pre pregnancy weight. Which is daunting, especially once you tack on whatever I gain.

I'm not the kind of person who thinks you need to be thin to be beautiful. I actually embrace and love my curves, and it comes easily when you marry a man who prefers them. I've also embraced my changing body. I don't hide from Brian when I change. I'm extremely thankful to be pregnant and so proud of what my body is doing. 

But I'd like to lose some weight post pregnancy to be a little healthier and to give my body a fighting chance at correcting my hormone imbalance. I also would like to feel how I felt years ago, before I knew of my fertility issues. The truth is trying to conceive does not make you feel attractive. For years you become used to only being intimate when you could possibly be ovulating. And it's not something that makes you feel remotely desirable.

It's weird to me that for the next two months I'll fight to gain weight, then as soon as I'm allowed to diet, I'll fight a huge uphill battle to lose weight. But it's all in the name of a healthy baby and a healthy mama.

Though maybe I should knock off my daily French toast breakfasts. Pretty sure all that butter and sugar aren't providing us anything...