Hartley's 1st Thanksgiving

Another great weekend for the books. It doesn't hurt that it was four days of having Brian home with us and eating copious amounts of delicious food. 

On Thursday we celebrated Hartley's first Thanksgiving. It was a really nice and low key. We started the morning with a big breakfast, which I put on Hartley's tray, too. She mainly just pushed the eggs down to Winnie but she did manage to nibble on her toast. It's really funny to see her start to eat "people food". I still mainly feed her baby food because she doesn't take in much of the real stuff yet but it's cute to watch her experiment. 

We all stayed in our pajamas to watch the parade. Hartley took her nap mid way and missed the Sesame Street gang but she was up in time to catch Santa Claus. She was wearing her "I love Santa" pjs for the occasion.

It was cold but since our turkey wouldn't be ready until much later (we did a slow cooker turkey), we headed out for a trail walk. It was so nice and quiet out.

After Hartley's afternoon nap we got started on dinner. We had turkey, redskin mashed potatoes, salad, stuffing and macaroni and cheese.

Hartley was a hot mess. She mushed everything in her fingers and pushed it around her tray. She rubbed it in her hair and on her chest. Maybe like 3 bites made it into her mouth. 

Washing her was a two man job but she had a ball so it was totally worth the second bath that day. 

At the end of the day I realized how much I have to be thankful for, especially finally having Hartley with us, which is the cherry on top. 

Friday was freezing so we went out to eat for breakfast as something to do. Other than that the rest of the day was spent playing inside.

Saturday was a big day - we bought our Christmas tree! We went to the place that Brian's family went to every year. It's a family run place that's been in business for like 40 years. The other times we've gone, guys Brian grew up with help us. This year was the same. Someone he worked at the swimming pool with us helped us with our tree. My friend Sabrina came along and took pictures of us getting a special first Christmas tree. That was really awesome, and I'm so glad we'll have those to look back on.

Sunday was a chill day but the weather was beautiful so we got outside a lot. On our lake walk we took a break to let Hartley play in a field. 

Watching her inspect the leaves and the grass and crawl around was priceless. Seriously, I always say it, but this is the best age. Their fascination with new things is amazing. Watching her crawl in the grass, smiling ear to ear, so pleased with herself melted my heart. 

Tonight we walked to get hot cocoa and then took in the neighborhood lights. I gotta say, ours are pretty damn good this year. No, you won't see us from space Deck The Halls style but we look very festive. And we have a heart light, which is pretty perfect!

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving weekend. Time to get geared up for lights, trees and Santa!

Babies on the brain.

From a very early age, probably as early as I can remember, I've wanted to be a mother. I had this cabbage patch doll named Susie that went everywhere with me. She was my practice baby. I know to the women who don't have that itch, it sounds really hokie and stupid. But for me, it was just a natural feeling that I seemed to just be born with: an inexplicable desire to take care of someone in a way no one else could. I very much wanted to be the kind of mom my mom was and is. 

I flipped flopped on the career I wanted to have. Somedays I wanted to be an architect, and I'd sketch floor plans on graph paper for hours. Then I'd want to be a fashion designer, and I'd draw dresses. Other times I wanted to be a journalist or an author, and I went so far as to create my own fake newspaper. 

But I always wanted to be a mom. It was constant and unshakable. 

When I fell in love with a guy who really wanted to be a dad, we decided we'd have 3 or 4 kids. And we were going to be really amazing parents to our little brood. 

Then we were thrown a curveball when getting pregnant was really difficult. 

I still cry when I think about how incredibly lucky we are to be parents. When my mind goes to the "if there weren't IVF" place, I lose it. I can't even think about the mix of science, prayers and luck that brought Hartley into our lives because it reminds me how easily she could've never been brought into our lives. 

The thought of having 3 or 4 kids hasn't crossed my mind in literally years. 

Once I got pregnant, I decided to be happy with my one miracle baby. Contrary to the grammar and spelling that this blog indicates, I'm a smart girl. My mind was instinctively wise enough to protect my heart. My brain said "you'll love this baby more than anything in the world and you'll be done having kids".

Well, I do love my baby more than anything in the world (ties Brian though). 

But I'm not sure I'm done having kids.

My body seems to think I am. It has returned to its old infertile ways. And recently it occurred to me that just because I have a baby doesn't mean I can pregnant again without help. I'm not saying this in a remotely sad or "woe is me" way. I'm more so stating it as a fact; that I don't think I'm one of those "pregnancy fixed me" infertile women. 

Why can't I get this off my brain lately? Why am I feeling an imaginary clock tick? 

A friend once wrote in her blog that you'll know you're not done having kids if you feel someone is missing from your family. I find that to be such a beautiful thought and probably true for most people. But what about when you don't want to feel like something's missing?

What if you feel guilt over the fact that you have a baby and want another even though so many women don't even get one? What if you feel like you've already won the lottery and you're greedy for going to play again? What if you're afraid to have your heart broken ever again? 

I am so grateful for Hartley. She is an incredible little girl, and she surpasses anything I could've dreamed up. She makes me want to meet another one of our babies. 

Ideally, in a world where I pick everything, I would wait maybe a year or two before we go back to the clinic. And to be frank, I don't really want to be pregnant right now. I didn't even like pregnancy. I'm liking having my body to myself and time with just Hartley and I (Brian too but you know what I mean). But for some reason that annoying clock ticks. 

It doesn't make sense. Our embryos are products of healthy 27 year old Page and 28 year old Brian. They are blissfully frozen in time. But my mind goes to all sorts of places. What if a freak disaster happens and something happens to them? What if I have a hysterectomy and I never get a chance to carry any of them? To ensure those don't happen, I need to use them ASAP. But I don't feel ready yet.

I think about this almost every day. I feel guilt. I feel confusion. I feel blessed. Somedays, I feel a teeny bit sad that I'm going to give pieces of us away, and I cry about it. I also wonder if fertile women feel this conflicted about their family planning. 

I know this is all pretty deep for a Thursday but I felt like this is something I just want to put out there. I had no idea this was how I'd feel after having Hartley. 

I know one thing for sure, my intuition did not fail me. I am meant to be a mother. I consider myself a very good one. And I'm so grateful we never gave up on our dreams of a baby. If and when she has a sibling, I guess time will tell. I know there's no "right" answer to that one. Until then, I'll be rooting for time to move slower so I can savor this sweet time. 

 

Brian's 30th birthday!

Even though I just blogged about Hartley at 9 months, things keep happening around here, and I definitely need to catch up with entries.

I guess I'll go in chronological order and write an entry about B's birthday weekend.

Friday, H and I had a great day with our friends Leslie and Kyle. We went to the town center. It was pretty chilly but nice to squeeze in a town center trip as it'll soon get too cold to go for a while. I picked up cupcakes for Brian's birthday. We are huge Red Velvet cupcakery fans so I thought it'd be a nice birthday surprise.

Brian left work on the earlier side. I made one of Brian's favorite (and easy) dishes: chicken dijon. It's on the lighter side so eating cupcakes for dessert didn't seem so bad ;)

We hung out as a family, and after H went to bed, we watched Let's Be Cops. It's not exactly an award-winning movie but it's pretty entertaining if you like New Girl, which we love. 

Saturday I hurried to get stuff done around the house before my parents came over in the early afternoon. My dad came over, and then Brian and I headed out to Hillsborough Vineyards, the winery where we got married. I absolutely love that winery. If you've never been, it's totally worth a visit: gorgeous views and delicious wines. It was cold so we sat inside, and they had a fire in the fireplace. The inside of the winery has a very quaint, rustic feel and all the windows nicely showcased all the fall foliage. It was so serene and cozy. It always make me nostalgic for our wedding whenever we go there. 

They close at 5 so then we moved on to our next stop, Lightfoot Restaurant. We're normally casual food people so it was a nice treat to go somewhere a little fancier. The food was delicious, and it was so relaxing to eat leisurely without worrying about keeping an infant content.

The next stop was Lansdowne Resort. That stop included complimentary champagne at check in, a trip to the indoor pool, and a night out at their bar. And best of all, the sound sleep of two people sleeping without a baby in the next room! We had a lovely breakfast in bed before we headed out in the morning. Brian had said he didn't want a birthday party, so I felt like this was a great alternative way to ring in 30, and we both had an awesome time.

My parents did a little switch and my mom was the one who was there when we got home in the morning. Hartley had a blast with her grandparents and got a great report card. 

Brian, Hartley, and I went for a family walk before we parted ways. I went to help a neighbor while Brian and Hartley went to his parents' house. They had sandwiches and cake, and Brian got to open his presents. They had a nice time together, and I heard Hartley was a ham. No surprise there! 

When they got home, Hartley went down for a nap. As soon as she woke we headed to my parents' for dinner. It was my parents, my brother, his fiancée, Brian, Hartley and I. Brian's dinner request was my mom's enchiladas, which were delicious. She always makes a chocolate peanut butter cake for his birthday dessert. She does it because Brian loves Reese's but it definitely benefits me, too! Then Hartley showed off for everyone until it was time to head home for bedtime. 

By Sunday night we were pretty exhausted but we both really enjoyed his special weekend. 

Now Brian and I are in different decades, and we all know I'm not leaving the 20's anytime soon. I love my sweet, handsome older man!

Oh, and how awesome are my parents? This was their second time babysitting Miss H overnight. Seriously, total champs. And I might be counting down the minutes until my dad comes over today to baby sit Hartley. I'm so lucky to have them - and so is Hartley. 

9 months.

Dear Hartley,

It's so hard to believe you're already 9 months old!

This month has basically been defined by non-stop movement and exploration. If there's a ledge to pull up on, you're pulling yourself up on it. If there is something a little dangerous or off limits, you gravitate right towards it. An opportunity to climb or cruise? You're all over it. 

This month you've mastered letting go of things and allowing yourself to fall gently. You've begun standing without holding on to things but only for a few seconds. You are an extremely fast crawler. 

You are also extremely inquisitive. Everything must be inspected.

 You are always "reading". You love touch and feel books. You love baths and playing with your various bath toys. You love your foam alphabet letter bath toys. 

You babble a ton... and loudly! You are always saying, "dadadadadada", "mamamamama", "nananananana", and "gagagagagagaga". Sometimes I could swear you say words. I've heard you say what sounds like "quack" when we talk about ducks. Your talking is adorable but your laughter is probably my favorite sound of all time. Your dad and I find ourselves doing just about anything to hear that sweet laugh. 

You've been enjoying your first fall. You went to a pumpkin patch and have taken many strolls in the nice fall weather. You love crunching leaves. When I take you for walks, I find the prettiest colored leaves for you to take with us, and you crunch them into teeny pieces. 

Your dad went to Florida for a few days this month so we had our first "just the two of us" time. Nana and Poppy helped us a bunch. They've baby sat you a lot recently, and you light up when you see them. 

You've also had a bad rash that I took you to the doctor for. Turns out you have a viral infection. I guess "tis the season". It doesn't seem to have slowed you down any though! 

You dressed as a mouse for your first Halloween and sat out front with mom and dad to hand out candy to the trick or treaters. 

You've been having lots of play dates with a sweet baby boy named Kyle. And you've been hanging out with Lily, your neighborhood birthday twin. 

You have six teeth now, and you're always showing them off by smiling really big.

And yes, these tidbits seem haphazard and out of order but you have me pretty tired lately so I can't even think straight! 

But as exhausted as I am at the end of each day, I always feel so blessed and lucky to have you as my daughter. You are adorable, strong, wild, sweet, fun, daring and willful. I am absolutely blown away by the little person you are becoming. I often tell your dad that I am convinced you are going to do big things and leave a huge mark on this world because you are becoming such an extraordinary little human. I look into your big, mesmerizing blue eyes and find myself so in awe of you. 

Your dad and I love you so incredibly much. We can't wait to see what the next month will bring! 

Hartley's first Halloween

Hartley's first Halloween was a festive success. 

We spent all of October dressing her in festive outfits and reading her Halloween books. I recorded a Halloween cartoon movie I let her watch: Spookley the Square Pumpkin. Of course she loved the songs. 

The day of Halloween she had a play date at her buddy Kyle's house. We dressed them in their costumes and they were the most adorable mouse and Cat in the Hat you've ever seen. 

I realized at the last minute that I did want to dress up. I went to Target had of course it was totally empty in the costume aisle. I found a headband with cat ears in the girls' section and I bought a tube of liquid eyeliner. Voila! A cat! 

Next year I'll do better and do the coordinated family costume but this year I bought H's costume back in September and then couldn't coordinate around a mouse. 

We sat out front and handed out candy as a family. I kind of wish we could do the same thing next year but I know toddler Hartley would probably be happier trick or treating. Baby Hartley just likes to sit in the grass and play with leaves so we went with it.

It was a wonderful Halloween and a wonderful "just the 3 of us" weekend. 

Guess it's time to think about turkeys and Christmas trees now :)