The last blog I wrote about Special Ed preschool I wrote for myself. I wrote it to vent but I didn't fully disclose why I was venting. That week was a hard week. Hartley couldn't focus; she could hardly sit still. She was speaking in a lot of gibberish. And if I'm being brutally honest, I cried almost every night.
I cried in part because I was completely unsure how I could continue to maintain my patience despite her "head in the clouds" behavior. I also cried because I was so frustrated and defeated. I was completely unsure if we had made any progress since starting speech therapy and since enrolling her in her spring activities. And I honestly kind of wanted to just let out a scream because I didn't get why everything was moving at a glacial pace.
I emailed with her service coordinator and her speech therapist; I had to ask what else I could do. I felt so helpless. Was I failing her? I didn't think so but things just weren't going that well. They said to just keep doing everything I was doing.
I'm happy to report, that week was just a bad week. It felt like we were backsliding but it was just an "off" week. And after many conversations about the speed at which things were progressing, I resolved to continue to try to make peace with the fact that some milestones are just going to happen later here.
Last week we had a quick meeting to discuss and schedule some assessments for Hartley. I'm going to admit, in the waiting room I was feeling fantastic because Hartley was talking up a storm.
When we got called back, she found a giant pile of toys in the corner of the room and quickly settled in and began to play. I was so proud of my little girl; she was so easy and happy. I wanted to sit there and just watch her but I had to swivel my chair around and pay attention. Though I'll admit, sometimes I uncomfortably tuned out of the voices talking about development and opted to hear the clanking together of the plastic blocks instead. No matter how nice and sensitive all of the people we've met along the way are, sitting around a table with strangers and analyzing the crap out of your child's development is awkward.
I'll admit as vocabulary words poured out of Hartley and she behaved like an angel, I was feeling very proud. I was taken down a few notches when one of the women said to us, "I just said her name a handful of times and she didn't respond at all". At one point I think I got a little defensive and recited what I've said so many times, "well, she's so bright and we wonder if she's just shy and introverted like my husband and I are".
One of the ladies chimed in and said she didn't think it was shyness. She thought (and I do agree with this) that Hartley presented some sort of social/emotional deficiency.
I actually spoke up here and said that I agreed. With Hartley, so far, we always referred to this as a "language delay", and I find that to be a very inaccurate description. Hartley has a beautiful mastery of language and she learns new words very quickly. The functionality of her language is different; it's not as conversational as it should be. And the concern from her initial assessment was - why does someone with such a large vocabulary not want to use it conversationally? Or why can't she use it more functionally?
This panel did think Hartley needed to be further assessed. We scheduled the assessments, and I flip flop daily on whether or not I think she'll be deemed special Ed. I'm constantly trying to not be dramatic or negative but also not be in denial. All the while I'm fairly certain objectivity is impossible to maintain as a mom so fiercely passionate about her children.
However, today I've actually come to my little space on the Internet to brag a little bit. Yesterday I had my proudest moment of motherhood to date, and I feel the need to shout it from the proverbial rooftop.
The past couple weeks, things have really been clicking for Hartley. She's doing such wonderful things that she would've never have done a couple months ago. She's starting to be able to consistently bring us things we ask for. She's started making major improvements in being able to make choices or answer yes or no questions. The other day my mom asked her on the phone "do you want to go to the pool with nana?" She said "yes", and we were both in full shock. And the hugest thing? We've heard her use "I" a handful of times. The other day she said to me, "I want Popsicle purple". It was seriously the most beautiful sentence I've ever heard. You better believe that kid got a purple Popsicle! And I bought 40 Popsicles at the store today so she can repeat that sentence as much as she likes, and I can honor it :)
Sorry, I had to spew all of that because we have been working so, so hard.
However, I have to tell the story of the real cherry on top of all of this. I bought Hartley a few rewards for doing so well at the meeting on Tuesday. One of these treats was the book In My Heart. It's a book about feelings.
I surprised her with the book when she woke up from nap on Thursday. She loved it so much she asked me to read it over and over. Each page of the book talks about a different feeling and at the end of the book, it poses the question, "how does your heart feel?" Well, after the fourth time reading the book, and the fourth time reciting the question, "how does your heart feel?" Hartley looked me right in the eyes and said "happy". I cried. I couldn't believe it. I've always been able to tell she was happy by her smiles and laughs. But at 2 years, 4 and a half months, she verbalized it to me for the very first time. It felt so glorious.
I've always been proud when my children have hit milestones, ahead or behind. But this particular thing, asking Hartley a question and having her give an answer about something as abstract as a feeling? Unreal. And I'll toot my own horn, I'm so proud of myself, too! Because milestones that I've actually had to work hard to teach have honestly been a little extra sweet.
My heart feels very, very PROUD!
Friday, June 24, 2016
Sunday, June 19, 2016
Hartley & Patrick Updates
I keep thinking that maybe it's time I wrote a blog because so much has changed since I last wrote in detail about the babes. And I wish my mind weren't so scattered so I could write in a thorough, ordered manner. But my brain is a hot mess so this will be my best attempt at an update!
The main reason I find it so difficult to sit down and write what's new is because something new happens every single day. Back when it was just Hartley, I could usually keep track of what's going on but nowadays that's just not the case!
Patrick at 10 months continues to be a happy, easy baby. I'm not sure of his size because I have such a hate-hate relationship with my bathroom scale ;) But at 9 months, he weighed 28 pounds, 1 ounce. He was 99th percentile for weight and 98th percentile for height. And now that we are beginning to see Patrick upright much more I'm starting to notice that he really is a tall guy. Inevitably the Godfrey genes will kick in and Brian's NBA dreams for his son dashed - but for now, he's still a gigantic baby.
Being that big, all of his gross motor skills have come in more slowly. As a first time mom I probably would've been worrying away but being the 2nd time around and having a 2 little ones to watch, it's been a godsend. I've actually told Brian my goal is for Patrick not to walk before our beach trip in September!
With all of that said, he's still getting around a ton these days. "Where's Patrick?" is now a phrase used on a daily basis in our house. He army crawls all around the house. Since our family room is sunken in, he can go up and down that one step easily now. Hence, the "where's Patrick?" He can easily start in the family room and end up anywhere on the first floor. Which has made sweeping and vacuuming a much more frequent occurrence.
He had been trying so hard to pull up for weeks. He was able to pull to kneel but struggled with getting up past that, and he always had the most defeated look. He's also had a hell of a time finding what to pull up on that could support his weight. Sadly, Hartley's chairs have just been flipping on him before he was able to get all the way up. Injuries have been on the rise in our house :( But today he managed to pull himself up on his crib railing, and he was so proud! Luckily my dad had just lowered the crib down to it's lowest setting a week ago - whew!
His favorite things right now are knocking down block towers, trying new foods (he loves Popsicles like his sister!), chasing Winnie, pulling Winnie's fur, and playing with Hartley. He also loves baths in the regular bath tub. Adios, pink whale tub! He and Hartley have been bathing together, and Patrick loves it! He loves to splash in the tub. He loves his inflatable baby pool. He loves wagon rides. He loves putting anything and everything in his mouth. He loves to bounce. I don't know what it is but both of my kids as babies love/d to bounce themselves.
He babbles quite a bit. I've been working on "dada" with him because I'm well aware getting him to say mama first is a lost cause. Plus, I already hear "mama" a minimum of a hundred times a day ;) He's been also testing out sounds he can make so I often hear that creepy gasping Hartley used to do at this age. He has 5 teeth. Probably more actually but he definitely bites you if you try to look for them. Again, a 2nd mom thing - not worth it to know how many teeth if I stand to lose a finger!
Things Patrick doesn't like. Let's see. If you take food away from him, he'll get upset. He can't do the swing for a notable period of time. I remember Hartley was the same after becoming good with mobility. He also doesn't like sitting to read a book. Hartley had the same thing at this age. They just want to eat the pages or wriggle themselves out of your lap!
But for the most part, he just continues to be a happy guy. Generally always smiling, laughing and exploring. It really continues to be a golden age for him.
On to Hartley. Or should I say, my little kid! She grows up so much each and every day. It's truly amazing. It's wonderful and scary all at the same time! Her vocabulary continues to grow at the speed of light. Literally every day she learns at least one new word; she truly is a sponge.
Her language is still pretty broken; however, every day that improves, too. She is beginning to piece together phrases or very simple sentences more and more. She has started to say simple things like, "Patick napping?" if she can't figure out where Patrick is. And yes, she calls him "Pah-tick".
She has also started talking more about who things belong to. Examples: Mama shoes. Hart-wee shirt. Patick car seat. Patick baby food.
She says the most hilarious things. One day I plan on writing a blog with all of the funny things she says because there truly are so many.
She has extremely strong expressive language and can ask for what she wants. It's often something like this:
"Mama! Mama! Mama!"
Yes, baby?
"Mo spinkles, peas. Spinkles on yogurt."
(This is Hartley speak for "I want yogurt with sprinkles, aka one of like 3 things she'll eat)
Hartley's speech therapist has told us though that she is echolailic, so sometimes when she asks for me, and I say "yes, baby?" She'll repeat back to me, "yes, baby?"
And while we shouldn't encourage her, sometimes her repeating just makes me smile and laugh. One day she went up to Patrick and kept saying, "hi, handsome!" Which is something I always say to him. I loved it, even if it was just parroting.
She does talk about herself in third person. We don't reinforce it but I do still find it to be very cute. While most kids this age can say, "I want to go outside", Hartley says it more broken. "Outside? Hart-wee shoes?" Because you do have to wear shoes outside!
She most recent "skill" has been spelling her name. She also likes to spell out words and I've noticed her trying to sound them out. It seems very early for reading but I could swear she's trying to.
Things she loves right now. Oh lord, a lot of things! I'm just going list style: coloring with markers or crayons, painting, drawing with sidewalk chalk, playing outside with her gigantic ball, going for wagon rides, eating Popsicles outside, playing on her swing set, putting toys down the slide, her inflatable baby pool, swimming in the real pool, strawberry picking (she went twice this spring), the beach, the sandbox at my parents house which she calls "the beach", dogs (especially our neighbor's dogs). She loves dressing up in hats, sunglasses and necklaces. She loves to sing and dance. She loves to do pretend play. She enjoys being read to and sung to. She loves hugs, high fives and cuddles. She blows kisses. Her favorite shoes are Sesame Street, bubble guppies, and paw patrol. She likes the Little Mermaid. Her favorite songs to listen to are Under the Sea and Hakuna Matata. She loves stuffed animals and sleeps with about 10 every night. She knows if one is missing and won't sleep without a missing friend!
She's very sensitive and very kind-hearted. Any time she accidentally hurts someone or does something wrong, she is so quick to say "i'm sorry, mama/patick". She has a sweet little girl voice and I'll never tire of hearing her say "good night, mama" every evening and every nap time.
This spring she took swimming lessons, music lessons, regularly attended story time and she took ballet. A huge thank you to my mom for her help with those; she's been invaluable to getting Hartley out there to try all these great things. All classes are over though so we'll be hunting for fun summer activities soon, I'm sure.
I'm sure I'm missing lots of things but that's the best my fried mom brain can do. I actually went to the doctor and asked about my lack of memory and all tests proved its just "mom brain".
I guess a quick update on myself, I am the most exhausted I have ever been. I never fully realized how busy and tiring life with a 2 year old and 10 month old could be! I'm surviving on coffee, wine, occasional girls night out, bubble baths and Monday Bachelor nights. Oh, and prayers. I'm fairly certain I pray for physical strength, energy and patience daily.
But everyone is healthy and happy and chugging along so I couldn't ask for more! Cheers to a fun summer ahead!
The main reason I find it so difficult to sit down and write what's new is because something new happens every single day. Back when it was just Hartley, I could usually keep track of what's going on but nowadays that's just not the case!
Patrick at 10 months continues to be a happy, easy baby. I'm not sure of his size because I have such a hate-hate relationship with my bathroom scale ;) But at 9 months, he weighed 28 pounds, 1 ounce. He was 99th percentile for weight and 98th percentile for height. And now that we are beginning to see Patrick upright much more I'm starting to notice that he really is a tall guy. Inevitably the Godfrey genes will kick in and Brian's NBA dreams for his son dashed - but for now, he's still a gigantic baby.
Being that big, all of his gross motor skills have come in more slowly. As a first time mom I probably would've been worrying away but being the 2nd time around and having a 2 little ones to watch, it's been a godsend. I've actually told Brian my goal is for Patrick not to walk before our beach trip in September!
With all of that said, he's still getting around a ton these days. "Where's Patrick?" is now a phrase used on a daily basis in our house. He army crawls all around the house. Since our family room is sunken in, he can go up and down that one step easily now. Hence, the "where's Patrick?" He can easily start in the family room and end up anywhere on the first floor. Which has made sweeping and vacuuming a much more frequent occurrence.
He had been trying so hard to pull up for weeks. He was able to pull to kneel but struggled with getting up past that, and he always had the most defeated look. He's also had a hell of a time finding what to pull up on that could support his weight. Sadly, Hartley's chairs have just been flipping on him before he was able to get all the way up. Injuries have been on the rise in our house :( But today he managed to pull himself up on his crib railing, and he was so proud! Luckily my dad had just lowered the crib down to it's lowest setting a week ago - whew!
His favorite things right now are knocking down block towers, trying new foods (he loves Popsicles like his sister!), chasing Winnie, pulling Winnie's fur, and playing with Hartley. He also loves baths in the regular bath tub. Adios, pink whale tub! He and Hartley have been bathing together, and Patrick loves it! He loves to splash in the tub. He loves his inflatable baby pool. He loves wagon rides. He loves putting anything and everything in his mouth. He loves to bounce. I don't know what it is but both of my kids as babies love/d to bounce themselves.
He babbles quite a bit. I've been working on "dada" with him because I'm well aware getting him to say mama first is a lost cause. Plus, I already hear "mama" a minimum of a hundred times a day ;) He's been also testing out sounds he can make so I often hear that creepy gasping Hartley used to do at this age. He has 5 teeth. Probably more actually but he definitely bites you if you try to look for them. Again, a 2nd mom thing - not worth it to know how many teeth if I stand to lose a finger!
Things Patrick doesn't like. Let's see. If you take food away from him, he'll get upset. He can't do the swing for a notable period of time. I remember Hartley was the same after becoming good with mobility. He also doesn't like sitting to read a book. Hartley had the same thing at this age. They just want to eat the pages or wriggle themselves out of your lap!
But for the most part, he just continues to be a happy guy. Generally always smiling, laughing and exploring. It really continues to be a golden age for him.
On to Hartley. Or should I say, my little kid! She grows up so much each and every day. It's truly amazing. It's wonderful and scary all at the same time! Her vocabulary continues to grow at the speed of light. Literally every day she learns at least one new word; she truly is a sponge.
Her language is still pretty broken; however, every day that improves, too. She is beginning to piece together phrases or very simple sentences more and more. She has started to say simple things like, "Patick napping?" if she can't figure out where Patrick is. And yes, she calls him "Pah-tick".
She has also started talking more about who things belong to. Examples: Mama shoes. Hart-wee shirt. Patick car seat. Patick baby food.
She says the most hilarious things. One day I plan on writing a blog with all of the funny things she says because there truly are so many.
She has extremely strong expressive language and can ask for what she wants. It's often something like this:
"Mama! Mama! Mama!"
Yes, baby?
"Mo spinkles, peas. Spinkles on yogurt."
(This is Hartley speak for "I want yogurt with sprinkles, aka one of like 3 things she'll eat)
Hartley's speech therapist has told us though that she is echolailic, so sometimes when she asks for me, and I say "yes, baby?" She'll repeat back to me, "yes, baby?"
And while we shouldn't encourage her, sometimes her repeating just makes me smile and laugh. One day she went up to Patrick and kept saying, "hi, handsome!" Which is something I always say to him. I loved it, even if it was just parroting.
She does talk about herself in third person. We don't reinforce it but I do still find it to be very cute. While most kids this age can say, "I want to go outside", Hartley says it more broken. "Outside? Hart-wee shoes?" Because you do have to wear shoes outside!
She most recent "skill" has been spelling her name. She also likes to spell out words and I've noticed her trying to sound them out. It seems very early for reading but I could swear she's trying to.
Things she loves right now. Oh lord, a lot of things! I'm just going list style: coloring with markers or crayons, painting, drawing with sidewalk chalk, playing outside with her gigantic ball, going for wagon rides, eating Popsicles outside, playing on her swing set, putting toys down the slide, her inflatable baby pool, swimming in the real pool, strawberry picking (she went twice this spring), the beach, the sandbox at my parents house which she calls "the beach", dogs (especially our neighbor's dogs). She loves dressing up in hats, sunglasses and necklaces. She loves to sing and dance. She loves to do pretend play. She enjoys being read to and sung to. She loves hugs, high fives and cuddles. She blows kisses. Her favorite shoes are Sesame Street, bubble guppies, and paw patrol. She likes the Little Mermaid. Her favorite songs to listen to are Under the Sea and Hakuna Matata. She loves stuffed animals and sleeps with about 10 every night. She knows if one is missing and won't sleep without a missing friend!
She's very sensitive and very kind-hearted. Any time she accidentally hurts someone or does something wrong, she is so quick to say "i'm sorry, mama/patick". She has a sweet little girl voice and I'll never tire of hearing her say "good night, mama" every evening and every nap time.
This spring she took swimming lessons, music lessons, regularly attended story time and she took ballet. A huge thank you to my mom for her help with those; she's been invaluable to getting Hartley out there to try all these great things. All classes are over though so we'll be hunting for fun summer activities soon, I'm sure.
I'm sure I'm missing lots of things but that's the best my fried mom brain can do. I actually went to the doctor and asked about my lack of memory and all tests proved its just "mom brain".
I guess a quick update on myself, I am the most exhausted I have ever been. I never fully realized how busy and tiring life with a 2 year old and 10 month old could be! I'm surviving on coffee, wine, occasional girls night out, bubble baths and Monday Bachelor nights. Oh, and prayers. I'm fairly certain I pray for physical strength, energy and patience daily.
But everyone is healthy and happy and chugging along so I couldn't ask for more! Cheers to a fun summer ahead!
Thursday, June 2, 2016
Honest Ramblings from the Mom who toured Special Ed Preschool
A week ago we toured a county run special Ed preschool for Hartley. She took to the classroom and teachers right away. I was thoroughly impressed with everything. The teacher was just fantastic and sweet; she said she thought Hartley would be a great addition to their class. But as we left I said a little prayer: "God, please don't let my child be special Ed." I loved the teachers, the classroom and all the awesome things they do with the kids but I just wanted professionals to deem Hartley "typical" instead.
I've spent the past few months of my life celebrating her victories, not even thinking about when other kids hit the same milestone.
They say the ability to respond to one's name comes into play at 9 months. I now believe this because Patrick can. Yes, my 9 month old son is better at responding to his name than his 2 year old sister.
But when Hartley does respond to her name, I cheer like you wouldn't believe - partly because I'm giving her positive reinforcement so she'll do it again sometime and partly because I am so overjoyed that my child is acknowledging me on my terms. I have said her name literally hundreds of times without her flinching. I wondered if she was hard of hearing but an audiologist shot that theory to hell.
Regardless, I celebrate her victories one after the other, no matter how small. And I feel like because of this, I've been blissfully ignoring my child's shortcomings. I tell myself whether she's developing typically doesn't matter because she is developing. The way she speaks is very basic and babyified but she's speaking! She articulates things well! And I brush off her weird scripting and her inability to answer the simpliest of yes or no questions. I tell myself she's just quirky and introverted.
Then I see her around another kid or someone brings up pre school or something, and I'm forced to face reality. I'm forced to wonder if there's something wrong with my kid. I know there is. I know she wouldn't be receiving speech therapy otherwise. But I wonder, is this just a speech delay that she'll catch up from? I reassure myself that it is. But lately I've started to let reality sink in, it could be more than that. When we talk about special Ed preschool we're talking about getting a "label" like developmentally delayed or the autism spectrum.
Then I wonder how will that affect all my hopes and dreams for my child. Maybe 16 years from now I'll be moving her into a UVA dorm room laughing about the fact that I've ever let my mind go there. But who knows. I surely don't.
I'm processing this finally. I'm trying to look at my child objectively. I'm trying to not be sad at the thought of her receiving a label on her school record. I'm trying not to be jealous when I hear other two year olds hear their name and come running or answer their parents' questions. I'm starting to realize that this isn't because of some shortcoming on my part. Lord knows that child has been exposed to so much and has been socialized - but I'm starting to think that her brain is just wired differently. She just needs something extra that I'm not equipped to give her. Praying for her not to qualify for special Ed preschool isn't the answer.
And I know, these thoughts and feelings and this situation may be trivial compared to terrible things other parents have gone through. I'm aware there are other parents out there praying for their babies to live another day. And sometimes I feel guilty because I'm sitting here worrying about if my child will receive a label telling me she's different from her peers. But I guess the only justification I have for that is we all just want the very best for our kids - and that's why I sometimes cry about all of this.
Every day we truck on. I wait to hear from this screening committee. I try to do whatever the speech therapist tells me to do. I try to stay patient when sometimes I just want to scream. I try to balance keeping this in perspective and staying positive while still being proactive for my child.
I guess no one has ever said motherhood is easy. It really isn't! But lately I've found myself just praying that I'm doing the right things, hoping for everything to just work out. I also know, however, no label will ever define who she is. Hartley Glenn is one of a kind!
I've spent the past few months of my life celebrating her victories, not even thinking about when other kids hit the same milestone.
They say the ability to respond to one's name comes into play at 9 months. I now believe this because Patrick can. Yes, my 9 month old son is better at responding to his name than his 2 year old sister.
But when Hartley does respond to her name, I cheer like you wouldn't believe - partly because I'm giving her positive reinforcement so she'll do it again sometime and partly because I am so overjoyed that my child is acknowledging me on my terms. I have said her name literally hundreds of times without her flinching. I wondered if she was hard of hearing but an audiologist shot that theory to hell.
Regardless, I celebrate her victories one after the other, no matter how small. And I feel like because of this, I've been blissfully ignoring my child's shortcomings. I tell myself whether she's developing typically doesn't matter because she is developing. The way she speaks is very basic and babyified but she's speaking! She articulates things well! And I brush off her weird scripting and her inability to answer the simpliest of yes or no questions. I tell myself she's just quirky and introverted.
Then I see her around another kid or someone brings up pre school or something, and I'm forced to face reality. I'm forced to wonder if there's something wrong with my kid. I know there is. I know she wouldn't be receiving speech therapy otherwise. But I wonder, is this just a speech delay that she'll catch up from? I reassure myself that it is. But lately I've started to let reality sink in, it could be more than that. When we talk about special Ed preschool we're talking about getting a "label" like developmentally delayed or the autism spectrum.
Then I wonder how will that affect all my hopes and dreams for my child. Maybe 16 years from now I'll be moving her into a UVA dorm room laughing about the fact that I've ever let my mind go there. But who knows. I surely don't.
I'm processing this finally. I'm trying to look at my child objectively. I'm trying to not be sad at the thought of her receiving a label on her school record. I'm trying not to be jealous when I hear other two year olds hear their name and come running or answer their parents' questions. I'm starting to realize that this isn't because of some shortcoming on my part. Lord knows that child has been exposed to so much and has been socialized - but I'm starting to think that her brain is just wired differently. She just needs something extra that I'm not equipped to give her. Praying for her not to qualify for special Ed preschool isn't the answer.
And I know, these thoughts and feelings and this situation may be trivial compared to terrible things other parents have gone through. I'm aware there are other parents out there praying for their babies to live another day. And sometimes I feel guilty because I'm sitting here worrying about if my child will receive a label telling me she's different from her peers. But I guess the only justification I have for that is we all just want the very best for our kids - and that's why I sometimes cry about all of this.
Every day we truck on. I wait to hear from this screening committee. I try to do whatever the speech therapist tells me to do. I try to stay patient when sometimes I just want to scream. I try to balance keeping this in perspective and staying positive while still being proactive for my child.
I guess no one has ever said motherhood is easy. It really isn't! But lately I've found myself just praying that I'm doing the right things, hoping for everything to just work out. I also know, however, no label will ever define who she is. Hartley Glenn is one of a kind!
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