Early Intervention

Okay, welcome to another venting blog entry. Recently all I want to do is write a blog entry regarding all of the fabulous progress Hartley has made in school but time always escapes me. Well, that and the weather has been so nice that we've been outside every chance we get. 

Disclaimer before I write this: I truly am not writing this to attack an individual. My purpose in writing this is to set the record straight so to speak.

I was hosting Patrick's playgroup at my house this morning when one of moms asked me an interesting question. 

She started talking about some local politics that would affect the county school budget drastically. She said she heard that the "free preschool" might be cut, and that it would be an obvious place to cut back. Now, I'm going to be a stickler here and correct her - let's call this "free preschool" what it really is: special education preschool aka early intervention services for special needs students. Ok, I'm going to be a bit snarky in this because it was highly inappropriate for me to be snarky with this woman in a room filled with toddlers. Let me start by saying I haven't received any information about special education preschool being cut but how do you think I would feel at the prospect? My daughter is flourishing because of these early intervention services, that I happen to think will literally change her life. All of the light I see in my daughter's eyes and all of the communication this service has made possible for my beautiful little girl - how do you think I feel? And I'll even say this, I know we probably have it the best of all the families that would be affected. Our daughter has high functioning autism. If need be, we can afford to send her to private preschool (though finding a fit as good as her current school would admittedly be very hard to come by). But for the families out there who aren't as lucky in these aspects as we are, it would be devastating, catastrophic. 

She couldn't get past the "free" aspect of this preschool. Taxpayers paying to help these children, who have done nothing but merely designed a little differently. Now, in my immediate family we were not affected by special education services; my siblings and I didn't need them. However, my parents raised us to be helpful and accepting of others. They raised us to believe that even if something doesn't directly affect you, you should help others where you can. So honestly, having Hartley brought this cause closer in to my life but my beliefs on this are not because I have a child who has been diagnosed on the spectrum. I'm actually surprised that people who having opposing beliefs to mine have brought them up to me because it is a very personal, very sensitive subject to me now. And this is pathetic but when I spoke to this woman, I had to try to not cry. 

I explained to her that these services will change the lives of many of these children. Early childhood development is so important. My mom who was a teacher for many years always reminds me that the years children don't remember, 0-5 years, are actually the most crucial to their development. I'll admit, before Hartley started preschool I had days where I wondered if she could learn social skills. That lead me to worrying whether or not she could ever go to college, get a job or live independently. I always tried not to get bogged down in those feelings of uncertainty but they would creep in. Other moms were worrying about vegetable-eating, sharing and time outs. And I'm over here breaking out at the thought of my daughter not going to college or getting married. I know that was dramatic of me because she was only two but I didn't see her "getting better". Thanks to special education preschool, these teachers, this county - I believe the sky is the limit for her. I see my daughter walking around in her doctor dress up outfit performing check ups on all her family members, and I think, "maybe she'll be a doctor someday". And when I say it out loud to her - I believe it. 

This mom mentioned people taking advantage of these services and these tax payer dollars simply because their children "talk late". I explained to her that it's not easy to receive these services. Another mom chimed in, "there's an interview, right?" Ok, well I didn't even go into detail. You can read this blog if you want to know how easy it is (read: I binge ate Chinese food, drank lots of wine and barely survived that shit). I did mention to them something I didn't even really address at the time: it was the most stressful period of my life to date. And I know that's not just me being weak because Brian affirmed to me that it was extremely stressful for him, too.

I didn't feel like having this conversation but what I said to this woman was this: I think any parent of a special needs child would rather pay money for preschool and have their child get to develop typically. I love my daughter fiercely, and I would much rather pay a few grand for preschool and never have to worry about her struggling or being teased. And like I said, she's high functioning. She's high functioning and hell, last summer I would've paid those preschool thousands just to have someone guarantee that everything would be okay for her. I don't know - saving money on preschool I guess is nice but I definitely wouldn't choose for Hartley to need it. I am, however, beyond words happy that it's there for her because she needed/needs it. 

I wrote this to get it off my chest. I get that many people can't empathize with something they simply don't understand. But I want to say this in case anyone is receptive to hearing it: I believe in early intervention. I believe it is changing my child's life. No need to ask me where I fall on this issue. And if you don't agree with me, that's fine, but you don't ever need to let me know :) 

Happy 3rd birthday, Hartley!

Whenever Hartley's birthday rolls around I always reflect back to her actual birthday, the day she entered this world. She was a 7 pound peanut with a set of lungs and loads of sensitivities, and I was an overwhelmed new mom who was usually feeling exhausted or defeated. It's funny, I think my friends miss their children's earliest days when their birthdays come. And while I would enjoy a sniff of one of Hartley's old dreft-washed itty bitty sleepers, on birthdays I genuinely find so much joy in how far we have come. I think about how she went from feeling like a teeny stranger who often felt impossible to read to this little girl I feel like I know better than anyone else in the world. 

This past year from 2 to 3 was my favorite, and it was also the one where she made the greatest leaps and developed even more personality. Our bond strengthened, too.

Hartley at her third birthday is so caring and sweet. She is wonderfully spirited and quirky. She is sensitive and intelligent. Her teachers have said she is so enthusiastic, that she always tries so hard. They've said she's very willing to learn, she's nice to her classmates, and that she's a pleasure to have in class. My mom says to know Hartley is to love her - and I think that sums her up perfectly. She is a very special little girl; Brian and I are such lucky parents. 

This past year the things I'm most proud of are her growing as a protective and helpful big sister, and her doing phenomenally in preschool. 

When Patrick was born, Hartley really didn't pay attention to him but over this past year their relationship has blossomed so much. I sometimes just write down the things she says to him. They make my heart swell. The other day we were on the driveway using sidewalk chalk and drinking juice boxes, and Patrick's juice started to make that empty slurp sound. Hartley got up and walked over to him and asked, "more juice, bud?" Or today I asked her to share her markers with him. She handed him a red marker and said, "here you go, Patticks. You have red!" She'll retrieve his sippy cup for him when he throws it from his high chair tray, and she'll take bits of her snack and place it on his tray to share with him. If he starts crying, she'll come let me know or she'll walk over to tell him, "it's okay". The other day he started to cry and she asked him, "what's wrong, bud?" For a little girl who is just learning to use conversational language and to see that she is channeling it to her brother first has been incredible. As she finds her voice more, I realize how kind her little heart is. 

And how well she has done in preschool simply amazes me. There are certain parts of development that come naturally to other children that are challenging for Hartley. So five mornings a week she goes to school and learns. They do learn through fun, playful activities but she also meets with a speech therapist and does certain exercises pretty intensely for a child her age. She tries so hard, and it shows. Every single day she has gotten a smiley face for behavior. I see how kind she is towards the other children in her class, all children of different levels of abilities, and it makes me so proud. 

A little bit about her at 3. 

She has just now started answering questions, and she's told me her favorite color is pink.

She loves art: painting, coloring, glitter glue, beading necklaces, chalk. She actually is becoming a talented artist; she draws figures with heads, facial features, bodies, and sometimes arms, legs and ears. 

The activities she's done this past year are swimming lessons, music class, ballet, and basketball. She liked all except swimming lessons. She likes the pool, but mainly just getting in and out of it and playing with pool toys. 

She loves to play outside; she continues to be a very active kid. She likes being read to. Her favorite books are the Olivia books and a new Peppa the Pig Valentine book my mom got her.

She has lots of different interests from dress up to sports to cars to princesses. Her favorite movies shifted from Frozen, Tangled & Little Mermaid (last Fall) to Cars and The Peanuts Movie! She likes Sesame Street and Paw Patrol.

She sleeps in a big girl castle bed.

She is a picky eater but has a sweet tooth! 

She loves letters and numbers. She is starting to write letters and can spell her name. Her memory is incredible; I'm constantly floored at how she can hear a song or book a couple of times and memorize it. 

She loves her friends. She actually calls everyone a friend, which is just the sweetest. 

I wish I had the time or the words to really capture her but I feel like anything I can write would fall short. There aren't words to do her justice.

To Hartley on your birthday, 

You are an incredible little person. Your dad and I are so proud of you and so lucky to call you ours. You have taught us that there is overwhelming beauty in uniqueness. Always keep your kind, quirky, fun personality. Remember that you are strong, capable, and beautiful. Continue to be a person who thinks of others. And keep your enthusiasm for learning because I know with that, you will be unstoppable. 

We love you, forever & always, our sweet Hartley Glenn.