26 weeks.

So I'm 26 weeks.

I think I'm up about 6 pounds. I don't get on the scale everyday because the gaining is still a little weird for me.

I'm wearing maternity clothes and sleeping in Brian's t-shirts.

I'm sporting stretch marks.

I miss alcohol. Yep, I now am counting down to having some wine after I pop out the little one.

As far as movement goes, she's getting stronger. She seems to be most active in the middle of the night. I'm really hoping this is the week Brian gets to feel her. We are way behind the curve on that one, and I feel bad that he hasn't gotten that experience yet :(

I crave nothing. My appetite isn't great. I force food in and feel queasy. But it's important to eat.

I'm showing. Whenever people haven't seen me in a bit they say, "whoa, you look pregnant!" And I love it.

The rings are off. Belly button is in.

I am almost always happy lately. Though I had an off day last week, and Brian didn't know how to deal with it. (I'm actually learning that my mood swings, whether they are PMS or pregnancy are mild compared to most women, and my husband is not used to them at all)

I'm looking forward to my hubby coming home tonight! I will say pregnancy has made time apart much worse.

So today is Halloween. I am exhausted. Brian being out of town has drastically affected my sleep. 

I can't wait for him to come home tonight. I don't know why but this trip has really affected me. It's silly. He's been traveling a handful of times a year for the past 6.5 years, so obviously the entirety of our marriage. He used to work so late that there weekdays where I just didn't see him. A 5 day trip to FL is not new to me at all - he's traveled longer and to foreign countries. But apparently my hormones have made me paranoid. I'm always worried that something bad will happen if he's not here. Plus, after our extremely lucky October (no preeclampsia, baby looking so perfect, no gestational diabetes, another awesome raise and spectacular bonus for Brian), there's a part of me that's waiting for someone to lower the boom. Such a terrible attitude. 

 

I have a feeling someday Hart and I are going to love when B is out of town: pedicures, shopping, going out to eat. But through pregnancy and baby time, I will dread it.

Besides that, things have been pretty perfect. I met some of the neighborhood moms and met the sweetest babysitter and got her number. The nursery is looking gorgeous. Hartley's bathroom is coming along. I got to go on some girl dates while Brian was gone. I went shopping and bought some comfy granny panties - all about comfort lately. Weather is perfect. Everyone around me is at peace. Life is good.

Happy Halloween!

Pregnancy advice at 25 weeks, 6 days.

As the second trimester winds down, I feel like I've learned a lot and wish I had known some things from day one. I hope not to become the mom who always has to give her two cents to pregnant women but I'm writing these out in case anyone wants the advice.

1. BE pregnant.

This was hard for me in the beginning. And some women will discourage you from this (why?). But read the pregnancy books - cover to cover. Document with pictures and/or a blog or journal. Brainstorm nursery ideas. Buy and read baby books. Buy the baby a few early treats even before you know the gender. Daydream about the baby. Pick out names. Don't let people make you feel like you're not pregnant because you're not sporting an 8 month belly or because they think you're still in "the danger zone". If you're 12 weeks and your pants feel tight, buy yourself some maternity clothes; you'll need them eventually anyway! It's good to be realistic and cautious but don't miss out on this very special time. You only have your first baby once, so do some of the cliche things and enjoy them.

2. Be wary of what you share.

If you and your girlfriends can talk about everything in a judgement free zone, share away! If you know some of the people in your life can be critical, filter the information you disclose, unless you're ready to get their two cents. It is incredible how some women will pass judgement. I've actually been told I'm too relaxed AND that I'm too anxious. If you don't give people much to work with, they can't be as overbearing. So choose the safe people to share with and the people you need to selectively disclose to. 

3. Make it two against the world.

My husband and I learned this lesson very early in our marriage. Dr.Phil will tell you if there's ever drama or controversy, remember that you and your partner are always on the same team. It's the two of you versus everyone else, always and forever. This baby is the baby of two people: you and your partner. When you make decisions, you make them together. Then whatever you come up with is the plan. No one else is a part of your partnership; no one else gets to make the decisions with you. Brian and I picked our little girl's name and made the decision to use cloth diapers - and no one else gets any say. We discussed the birth plan. We discussed how many kids we want to have.

If my mom picked our baby's name she would've picked Carryl. If my mother in law picked where we lived, she'd pick McLean. They'd both pick for us to use disposable diapers. But at a point in time, mom's opinion takes a back burner to the decision of the husband and wife. And someday it will come full circle, and I'll have to let Hartley make those decisions and support her as best I can.

4. Ask questions.

When something seems off, ask your doctor. It's what you are paying them for!  Some women will say "you ask a lot of questions". Just remember, they are not your best advocate. You are! The person who cares about your well being and the baby's well being the most is YOU. So look out for yourself. If something feels wrong, it might be, so ask. You lose nothing by being careful. 

People have shared with me their opinions about my excess amount of ultrasounds - none of these people did IVF. Remember, you know your situation best. You hear what medical professionals tell you, trust them more than the two cents of Joe Schmo.

5. Rest. Drink water. Eat. Follow the rules as much as you want or can. Kick up your feet and let others do the heavy lifting. Walk or exercise when you want.

Follow what the doc says. Follow what your body tells you. Don't be a hero. If you have a heavy ass vacuum like mine, ask you husband to carry it upstairs for you. If your laundry basket is heavy and the two flights of stairs are too much to carry it up and down, ask for help. Remember, you are growing a human and then pushing it out of your vagina, he isn't. Let him lift. If you overly exhausted, cancel on an activity. If you're sick, stay in bed with your bucket all day. Don't fight being pregnant because you are. So take care of yourself and your baby. This is 9 months where people can and should help you. 

I wish I read this list 26 weeks ago. The summary is to be safe and confident. To savor what you can and take a time out when you need it. 

And I'm 6 days away from being 2/3 done. Tomorrow baby is 80-90% viable. Wahoo! 

eating fest 2013.

So I went to the doctor today. My tests came back great! Because things have fluctuated out of normal, I should just be mindful and listen to my body. If something's wrong, the right thing to do is call them.

But what a relief.

Well, that was a relief. 

I'm not overly stressed because I have a full plan of how to make up for this next part. I haven't gained enough weight. To be completely honest, I KNOW this. I knew it from quite a bit earlier.

But all these women told me, "oh how lucky are you? You look so great," "You're going to have nothing to lose after the baby!" (Which I was thinking was stellar for my sister's wedding next year) And my favorite, "oh I was the same way and it ALL came later."

So here I am - well knowing that I haven't gained what I was supposed to - but justifying it because other people did. When the doctor started with, "we have something we need to talk about", I wasn't entirely surprised. She asked what was going on, curious if I had been trying not to gain. 

I hadn't been dieting purposely but I just don't eat as much as I used to. Food often smells and doesn't appeal to me. I feel like drinking an ensure for lunch satisfies me. And I do think when you're pregnant you don't want to become a cow so you don't feel like eating extra calories.

The doctor told me I'm not a big enough person to be gaining less weight during pregnancy. She told me it's essential for Hartley's brain development for me to eat lots of protein and gain weight. She told me studies show the healthiest babies have moms that gain the recommended 25 pounds. She told me the women who say it all comes later were probably up more than 5 pounds at almost 25 weeks. I'm literally 2 weeks away from the third trimester with a 5 pound gain, and it's nothing to be proud of.

I really didn't do this intentionally. And I do want Hartley to develop a normal, healthy body so I'm getting serious from here on out. So I went to the store and bought hard boiled eggs, cheese and nuts. I'm going to eat my six meals a day. I hope I can make things right starting today :)

I hope I get as big as a house. And I'll just tack this weight on to the amount I already wanted to lose post baby. Since I currently plan on only having 1 kid, I'm just going to healthily lose my baby weight (plus some) after all of this and hopefully maintain it so our little girl always has a healthy mom.

I also hope to be a good example for Hartley. I completely admit that I haven't always had a very healthy attitude towards weight. And it will probably be a reoccurring struggle throughout my life but I need to clean up my act so my little girl doesn't think that's the way it should be. 

Updates

So I will first start with my wonderful news - totally selfish it has to do with me and not baby! My blood pressure is back down into the normal range - 120/73. Perfect. 

Even though I did my fair share of worrying over the weekend, I relaxed a lot and we spent the weekend just the two of us (never ever happens). We ate less sodium. Yummy chicken marinaded in fresh lemon juice and veggies cooked in olive oil. No seasonings. And when I was home, I was mainly lounging on the couch or in bed. Apparently that really works for lowering blood pressure. So now I know I need to be careful.

I still had protein in my pee today. But it was the same amount as Thursday so things aren't getting worse. From what I understand, elevated blood pressure causes your blood vessels in your kidneys to weaken and leak protein in your urine. 

So I did the 24 hour urine test. It was annoying but hilarious. All my pee over 24 hours had to be stored in a jug in our fridge. Brian was oddly obsessed with the whole thing and would ask me how many ounces I peed and how full the jug was. I also heard his "I just had a swig of this lemonade in the fridge and it was delicious" joke a thousand times. I was so relieved (no pun intended) when I dropped a giant jug of urine at the office, and there was no one in the waiting room.

I get all my test results tomorrow. I'm thinking because my blood pressure is down everything will be great. It was a good wake up call that I need to get more strict with things. A lot of people might think sodium intake means I put a lot of salt on my foods or I only eat fried food but sodium is a sneaky little bitch that is in almost everything. I laugh in my head when people say they are eating lean cuisines to be healthy. Ever wonder how very cheap frozen still tastes good? Salt to the max. Those things will kill you. And basically everything you get at a restaurant is full of salt.

And unfortunately preeclampsia runs in my family. And it's more popular in first time pregnancies. And IVF drastically increases your risk (hence the reason I take aspirin every day). IVF, while wonderful, is also a bit of a tricky bitch. 

The sonogram tech reminded me today that because I'm an IVF pregnancy that they'll be watching me closely. I guess it's a good thing but it does sometimes scare me when they remind me of increased risks. 

But Hartley looked beautiful in the sonogram. She is definitely a girl. The tech pointed out her girl parts to me, and I actually could decipher what I saw! Her heart rate is perfect. She's measuring exactly on schedule and weighs an estimated 1 pound, 9 oz. She was laying oblique with her little ankles crossed. She did not want to move much for the tech. I totally get it. My bladder is full and this woman is poking into my tummy. I didn't find it comfortable so I doubt Hart did. Brian and I let out an "awwwwww" is unison when we saw her little face. So amazing. 

We are both thrilled and a tad nervous (ok I'm nervous, he's not) that this new member is joining us in 3.5 months. It's getting really close. So we're back to reading baby books. Brian hung some of the wall art I made. I bought girlie curtains today, and Brian will hang them tonight.

I should be researching pediatricians and registering for childbirth class....

But writing this was more fun.

The pee jug.

So the past week or so I've felt quite "off". I decided not to blog about it or tell anyone. Just figured I'd suck it up. I'd wake up and my legs would be numb. I'd wake up with god awful headaches. I've been sleeping a lot more. And my brain is always foggy and confused. Oh and VERY emotional. When Brian and I were in the car Sunday, I had an episode of seeing glittery flecks but it only lasted 5 minutes. Today I woke up just wanting to still be asleep. I took my aspirin, my vitamins, and a Tylenol. Later I took a Zofran. Not even 2 minutes after the Zofran I started vomiting and it just kept coming. I texted Brian that something wasn't right. This is not normal. I asked if he could come home - I was dizzy, sweaty and puking. Heart pounding. Head so confused. He couldn't. And I didn't REALLY need him to but the whole thing is unsettling sometimes. Seriously screw the lucky women who call being queasy "morning sickness". Morning sickness is puking out your food until you start throwing up bile. Your eyes water - half from puking, half tears - and you swear you'll never ever spawn a child for the rest of your existence.

Well, at first I told myself, it's got to be the flu. My body aches and I'm throwing up = flu. Then I decided to be safe I'd go to giant to check my blood pressure. I went and there was this sweet older lady sitting next to the machine. It awkwardly talks the directions to you super loudly so I apologized to her for the noise. We made some small talk. The cuff read my blood pressure then dinged a little as "AT RISK" showed up on the screen. The woman asked if it was ok, and I told her it was. Sweet old lady caring about this random pregnant lady in the grocery store.

I texted Brian that I'd get groceries. Then I stopped and thought, "page, it's okay to call the doctor. Just call them so they can tell you it's just first time mom silliness." (I had this same voice tell me to call a doctor when I stopped getting my periods. I can't even think where I'd be had I never made that call.) 

I called the doctor and explained my week to them. Highlighting today's throw up fest. They told me to come in immediately. So I did. My blood pressure was elevated. There was protein in my pee. But the only thing not pointing to preeclampsia is how I look. I don't look sick.

They ran blood work to make sure it's nothing serious. They'll call about that tomorrow. I know it'll be fine - I'm not thinking it's affecting my liver. But the fun part is I get to pee in to a jug for 24 hours over the weekend and go in Monday to have my urine checked again and my blood checked again. 

I'm not terribly afraid of preeclampsia. If I don't have it yet, I'm guessing I will probably develop it since the tests lean that way. My mom had it. The scary thing is - it's too early in my pregnancy. At 30+ weeks they can deliver the baby early. This is just really too early. My mom was on bed rest so if it comes to that, that's fine. I just want baby and I to make it longer and be safe and healthy. 

I told Brian today, never again am I doing pregnancy. I never quite get to be that lucky woman who had an easy go of this child making process. And feeling as lousy as I do today, I can't wait for it to be over.

Hartley,

They tell me you're doing great in there. I'll do whatever they end up telling me to make sure you get here safely. If that's to lay in bed and eat carbs then I'll do it ;) 

23 weeks, 6 days.

I've been absent lately because my beautiful, wonderful MacBook Pro bit the dust for good. I had a nursery and shopping post all planned out... with pictures! However, now that I'll be blogging on my iPad, I need to learn simpler tasks first, ie how to even copy and paste my survey format.

Brian and I agree about 98% of the time. But I will flat out admit that we are on two different planes of thought about technology. I am old school. Yep, I like a good old fashioned computer. Someday I aspire to own one with a printer. Brian thinks I should just learn to use an iPad for everything to join the wave of the future. And for photos use a cloud. Good lord, I'll be learning how to breastfeed and use a cloud. Holy overwhelmed, Batman. And when he told me this yesterday, pregnancy hormones raging, he may as well have called me fat. Tears a plenty!

I think we all think we'll raise our kids the way we were raised. My family had tv limits and a study computer we all shared. TV limits are still a go for Hartley. I know a shared computer won't be entirely feasible but I don't want to have a kid with an iPad attached to her. In a dream world, I'd figure out a space in our house where I could be in the same room while she used the computer. All the things we have to think about for our kids that our parents didn't have to give as much thought to. So Brian and I are coming up with a compromise. But I can't imagine life without a computer.

Without my computer, I have no clue how to figure out how to copy from my old blogs to paste in to this one. So I'm giving a short handed, unorganized version of the usual information.

I'm up 5 lbs. Which is amazing. I can gain a pound a week the remaining 16 weeks and be right on my target! How is that for nice?

My sleep the past few days has been amazing. I get so pooped after nothing and then sleep to my hearts content. I flip a lot because my legs literally go numb, so that's something I'll ask my doctor about next time I'm in.

Baby is kicking, usually like a wild woman. Yesterday she scared me by not moving until I ate dinner. Tricky little baby. Brian still hasn't felt her kick. The anterior placenta seems to greatly affect that. I'm hoping the 24th week has magical powers so he can feel his daughter for the first time.

My appetite is hit or miss. I had been feeling sick again so I started using my Zofran again. Until I remember what that little bitch does to my bathroom habits. So now I'll live with the sporadic upset stomach.

Wedding rings are off. Baby is a girl. And best moment of the week was basically a weekend of non baby stuff where my sister was home. She got engaged! We got to be there. And she got a stunner of a ring - seriously a celebrity kind of ring. 

I'm probably forgetting other things but this is the best I can do for now. Fingers crossed for a new computer in 2014. Or fingers crossed for me to use a "tablet" in lieu of a computer. I literally screamed at Brian, "you expect me to use this TI 83 as a computer?!" Hello, child of the 90's using an iPad mini!

And you will only understand what I was saying if you've seen the size of an iPad mini and spent hours using a TI 83.

22 weeks.

How far along? 22 weeks, 2 days

Total weight gain/loss: a solid 3 pounds, and sometimes I even see if say 4 :) YAY!

Maternity clothes? mostly always maternity

Stretch marks? yep. 

Best moment this week: finding out we are having a baby girl

Miss Anything? Sleeping on my stomach. Alcohol. Laying on my back. 

Movement: baby girl's kicks aren't strong enough for Brian to feel from the outside and since they're not super hard, I love getting her little kicks throughout the day :) She still kicks mostly when I'm laying down.

Food cravings: nothing out of the ordinary, going through a cookie phase

Anything making you queasy or sick: Nothing really. Did have a "sick day" this week but I think it was exhaustion. 

Have you started to show yet: Yep. I look pregnant. I love it. No trying to suck in or squeeze into stuff :)

Gender: BABY GIRL!
Belly Button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? Off. They are hard as hell to get on and off so they are out of play.

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy! Let me just say, knowing the baby's gender makes this a whole new ball game.

Looking forward to: The baby showers! Buying things for our little girl. MEETING HER in 4 months :)

This week was defined by starting to bond with our sweet girl. I made her some wall art. We bought her a few outfits. Her dad bought her a purple monster ballerina toy, that reminds me of a purple Winnie. The glider was delivered. Brian assembled the crib. I can't wait to share the progress on here soon. It's a small room so it's hard to photograph but it is turning in to the most beautiful nursery... and I still have some additions that we registered for so it's certainly not complete.

I told Brian, "I have the best taste ever." He laughed. 1. His wife is SO not modest when she's proud of herself. 2. "Taste" is an individual thing so I'm sure other people think it's not the most beautiful nursery in the history of the world. But I am so in love with her nursery. The paranoid part of me that thinks "maybe it's really a boy" is super afraid of that because in the past week I've fallen in love with the idea of having a girl and building a girl nursery. 

I think our registry is now pretty much complete. I changed it from amazon.com because I wanted to add some things from The Land Of Nod. I went pretty pink with what I registered for but my goal is for the pink ombre of linens/accents to balance the greyish blue walls and white furniture so it's a bit more girlie. 

I didn't register for it but I am so in love with a mermaid shower curtain from pottery barn that I'm already thinking I know what her little girl bathroom might look like.

I knew I was going to have fun with either gender. Let me tell you, there are some seriously adorable boy things out there, too. But the fun thing about shopping and planning for a little girl is I get to revisit that part of my childhood. What kind of dream little girl room would I want, that type of thing. 

So basically all this week was filled with 2 very excited parents to be starting to bond with their little girl by preparing for her a little. It has felt like the "honeymoon" of my pregnancy. All the gross/miserable parts of pregnancy are sliding into the past, and here is the glowy, bird-chirping, hearts floating around our heads part. 

The Gender Reveal of Our Little Girl

Sonogram garland - an idea from pinterest

Old Wives Tales Poster

A Voting Chalkboard

Amazingly wrapped cake, so no one could sneak a peek!

Our Sweet Little Family, wearing a lot of blue!

Big sis Winnie wearing both pink and blue

So here are some pictures from the day of the gender reveal party! My one regret is not getting pictures with our family and friends. To be honest, I had every intention of getting nice pictures with certain groups but it was a pretty chaotic day so I was more focused on making sure I talked to all of our guests. I think the grand total ended up being close to 30 people... in our 2,000 square foot town home!

But I asked my parents afterwards if they felt like it was too crazy or too crowded, and they said it was perfect and assured me everyone had a nice time.

I really think the party turned out pretty nicely. Like I said, there were a lot of people here but not a single person I felt like the party could have been with out. And I now truly could not imagine finding out the gender of baby crane any differently. We feel beyond blessed to be expecting baby crane, and we know so many people supported us in getting there. It felt great to have them there for such a special moment. I swear, this little girl is the luckiest little girl in the world. She doesn't know it yet but she already has many people loving her who are excited to meet her.

We would have truly been happy with either outcome. But we are getting very excited to now know we are having a daughter. We sat in her nursery last night looking at all the sweet gifts she's received already. We talked about how excited we are to start working on her room some more. We talked about how we can't wait to read her books in that room before bed. I've told Brian many times I think he'll be excellent dad to a daughter, how this little girl will have him wrapped around her tiny finger. And Brian says he knows it's true. I just know he'll be her hero, like all great dads are to their daughters. And I can't wait to teach her to be a little lady and share all the special girlie experiences we'll share.

Baby girl's name is Hartley Glenn, which we had pretty much shared with everyone already. As I said in an earlier blog post, Hartley is actually a boys name that I happened to love for a girl. It has been our "girl name" for years. In fact, when we used to wake up for ass early for doctor's appointments, I'd tell Brian I didn't want to go, and he'd tell me I was doing it for Hartley. She's my little hart already. Glenn is my dad's name, and I want our daughter to inherit his kindness and helpfulness.

I have to say I finally, truly am liking pregnancy much more now. Even though I was sick a couple days ago, I now know I'm doing this for my little girl. It has allowed me to bond much better. When I talk to her and about her I get to use her name. I get to say "her" and "she" instead of "it".  I will also admit I am a bit paranoid the sonographer got it wrong, which I'm assured is not the case because it was such quick find at a 20 week ultrasound. I'll continue to bond with my little girl but I'll have them double check when I go back in a few weeks ;)

We are loving you so much, Hartley. We are grateful every single day that you continue to grow. I love that you're working on those kicking skills so we can soon show daddy what you're made of! We're building our little nest for you. Mama is probably going to get in trouble buying you lots of adorable clothes! Your dad already admits he thinks having a girl is a little more emotional, and he turns into a puddle of mush when we talk about you. We love you to the moon and back, little girl. Keep growing. Keep kicking. We want to meet you but let's wait until February :)