1. BE pregnant.
This was hard for me in the beginning. And some women will discourage you from this (why?). But read the pregnancy books - cover to cover. Document with pictures and/or a blog or journal. Brainstorm nursery ideas. Buy and read baby books. Buy the baby a few early treats even before you know the gender. Daydream about the baby. Pick out names. Don't let people make you feel like you're not pregnant because you're not sporting an 8 month belly or because they think you're still in "the danger zone". If you're 12 weeks and your pants feel tight, buy yourself some maternity clothes; you'll need them eventually anyway! It's good to be realistic and cautious but don't miss out on this very special time. You only have your first baby once, so do some of the cliche things and enjoy them.
2. Be wary of what you share.
If you and your girlfriends can talk about everything in a judgement free zone, share away! If you know some of the people in your life can be critical, filter the information you disclose, unless you're ready to get their two cents. It is incredible how some women will pass judgement. I've actually been told I'm too relaxed AND that I'm too anxious. If you don't give people much to work with, they can't be as overbearing. So choose the safe people to share with and the people you need to selectively disclose to.
3. Make it two against the world.
My husband and I learned this lesson very early in our marriage. Dr.Phil will tell you if there's ever drama or controversy, remember that you and your partner are always on the same team. It's the two of you versus everyone else, always and forever. This baby is the baby of two people: you and your partner. When you make decisions, you make them together. Then whatever you come up with is the plan. No one else is a part of your partnership; no one else gets to make the decisions with you. Brian and I picked our little girl's name and made the decision to use cloth diapers - and no one else gets any say. We discussed the birth plan. We discussed how many kids we want to have.
If my mom picked our baby's name she would've picked Carryl. If my mother in law picked where we lived, she'd pick McLean. They'd both pick for us to use disposable diapers. But at a point in time, mom's opinion takes a back burner to the decision of the husband and wife. And someday it will come full circle, and I'll have to let Hartley make those decisions and support her as best I can.
4. Ask questions.
When something seems off, ask your doctor. It's what you are paying them for! Some women will say "you ask a lot of questions". Just remember, they are not your best advocate. You are! The person who cares about your well being and the baby's well being the most is YOU. So look out for yourself. If something feels wrong, it might be, so ask. You lose nothing by being careful.
People have shared with me their opinions about my excess amount of ultrasounds - none of these people did IVF. Remember, you know your situation best. You hear what medical professionals tell you, trust them more than the two cents of Joe Schmo.
5. Rest. Drink water. Eat. Follow the rules as much as you want or can. Kick up your feet and let others do the heavy lifting. Walk or exercise when you want.
Follow what the doc says. Follow what your body tells you. Don't be a hero. If you have a heavy ass vacuum like mine, ask you husband to carry it upstairs for you. If your laundry basket is heavy and the two flights of stairs are too much to carry it up and down, ask for help. Remember, you are growing a human and then pushing it out of your vagina, he isn't. Let him lift. If you overly exhausted, cancel on an activity. If you're sick, stay in bed with your bucket all day. Don't fight being pregnant because you are. So take care of yourself and your baby. This is 9 months where people can and should help you.
I wish I read this list 26 weeks ago. The summary is to be safe and confident. To savor what you can and take a time out when you need it.
And I'm 6 days away from being 2/3 done. Tomorrow baby is 80-90% viable. Wahoo!
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