Sunday, May 24, 2015

28 weeks.


How far along? 28 weeks. The 3rd trimester is here!
Weight gain? 10 pounds
Maternity clothes? Yep, and my non maternity yoga pants. 
Stretch marks? Weirdest thing ever, I got tons of stretch marks with Hartley (and early) but none this pregnancy (yet).
Best moment of the week? Getting to lay in bed after waking up yesterday morning. Hartley keeps waking up earlier, and I keep waking up more exhausted, so whenever Brian does weekend mornings with her, I'm basically in heaven. 
Miss anything? Oh yes, I miss a lot of non pregnant things. I miss having energy and being able to bend over with ease. I'd miss alcohol but I'm mainly too tired to even want to drink. Crazy, huh? Oh, and I miss sleep.
Movement? Yep. Though I feel he's slowed down since I've stopped eating as much sugar. 
Cravings? Well, that's the epitome of a sore spot! I miss pregnant eating. I crave my mom's chocolate chip cookies, which are my comfort craving for sure. 
Have you started to show? Yep! In the last week I've started having strangers feel confident enough to ask me pregnancy questions (ie: what am I having, when am I due). As bizarre as it sounds, I always kind of like this point because I actually think I look pretty cute rocking a baby bump, and I genuinely enjoy getting kind words and well wishes from strangers. 
Gender: boy. 
Belly button in or out? In.
Wedding rings on or off? I've worn my band a few times recently and it fits fine. 
Happy or moody? Mainly moody this week but there were still happy moments. I feel like my hormones did a number on me this week, and I was freaking out about pretty much everything. Oh the tears that invaded our house! 
Looking forward to: honestly, I'm not rushing time to get anywhere right now. I'm happy to have Brian home for a long weekend this weekend and another long weekend next weekend. It nice to have him around and it helps me a lot not to do everything solo. I am looking forward to seeing Patrick at the sonogram this week to make sure he's baking ok. I haven't seen him since I was diagnosed with diabetes, and even if I don't say it, it's been something that stresses me out. (This is not a routine sonogram; they need to take another look at his kidneys.)

This pregnancy has been a very weird one. In a lot of ways I describe it as a "non event". I know how awful that sounds but we're so busy that there's not much time to stop and think about being pregnant or adding a member to our family. Every now and then Brian and I will say to each other, "has it hit you yet?" And the answer is always, "not really". 

When we had quiet time in Lansdowne, we finally stopped to talk about the baby. It was probably the first time we really talked about him (and I was 26 weeks along). The 2nd pregnancy thing is nothing like the first. Add in the extreme of going from a meticulously planned and anticipated IVF pregnancy to a surprise pregnancy? Our minds haven't fully gotten completely around this whole thing.

Today we're going to look at a model home, so that's exciting. Last night Brian told me we're outgrowing our house. I'm constantly telling people, "we have enough space". I might be in denial of my quickly growing family but after having seen a bunch of single family homes online lately, I'm pretty sold on moving next year if we can pull it off. I'm just day dreaming of the possibility of converting a first floor living room in to a playroom while still having a family room that's not constantly cluttered with baby/toddler stuff. And I constantly dream of having a yard; it doesn't need to be huge but a good, safe yard for the kids would be perfect. I so badly want them to get a play set in the backyard like I always had as a kid. 

That's life right now. I guess it's been a lot to get my pregnant head around but I know all of these big changes will end up being great changes! I'm also embracing tears and mixed emotions. I feel no need to fake being together. I'm scared and nervous and excited and happy. I'm entering the third trimester very proud of myself though. Even though I'm certainly not perfect, I'm so proud of keeping up with Hartley even when my pregnancy hasn't been smooth sailing. I'm ready to knock out these next 12 weeks and ready to take on the next challenge level! 

Oh, and totally unrelated, I have found boy clothes to be a little more challenging than girl clothes. But how could a sweet, teeny little mint whale outfit not get a person excited for baby time? My mom bought him the matching receiving blanket, and this may have to either be his first outfit ever or his "take home" outfit. Insert the smiley emoticon with the heart eyes: 







Friday, May 22, 2015

Life lately.

That's a picture of the Crane crew lately. Hartley after running around the National Zoo like she owned the joint, Patrick making his presence known, and 2 happy, tired parents. 

Life lately has truly been something else. I never knew a person could feel such a differing emotions throughout a week or even a single day. 

Everyday I feel challenged physically and drained emotionally. 

There is something that comes with hauling around a big pregnant belly and a flailing, tantrumming 25 pound toddler that makes me simultaneously think "I must be nuts" and "I must be superwoman in yoga pants". 

There are a couple tough things I'm muddling through currently: exhaustion and some not cool toddler antics. 

The exhaustion should probably be less surprising than it is to me. My goal everyday is to get out and play with my very active litte girl. I am a rock star at this most days. Since she has no idea how to stop or not walk into the street or follow me, it often involves a lot of bending over to pick up and carry an unwilling 25 pound weight. Often times by the time we're done playing, I usually feel a little lightheaded and a few hours later, very sore. Once the day is done and my body feels beyond ready to rest, my mind begins to race. My whole life I've been somewhat of an insomniac, and it's awful even when I'm not pregnant. But there is something pretty brutal about feeling physically sore and tired, unable to sleep at night, dealing with toddler tantrums and toddler wrangling, all while your belly bulges out as you grow human life. I now understand why doctors talk about 3 years of spacing in between children being the golden amount of time. And when Brian jokes about me being pregnant again in 2016, I let him know that joke is far from funny. 

Yesterday it all caught up with me, and I cried periodically throughout the day. I finally decided I couldn't hide my tears any longer. I let myself think about how afraid I am of all the different things that will be happening in the next handful of months. I thought about how bad that last month of pregnancy is, how uncomfortable you get. I thought about how painful childbirth is. I thought about the newborn stage, the terrible sleep deprivation. And I thought about how I'd be going through all of that and struggling to still be a good mom to Hartley. I thought how I might just be the worst boy mom in the world because I hate sports and know jackshit about that stuff. 

But today I woke up feeling very zen. Beautiful weather, new day, I can do this. 

I did my little diabetes test and ate my diabetes friendly breakfast, and I remembered to record them in my log. By the way, the whole gestational diabetes thing is a giant pain in the ass in addition to everything else. 

I did decide to screw being home for the next finger prick test and walk Hartley over to the soccer field instead. We made a pit stop at Starbucks, which is the epitome of an awesome Friday treat. We went to the field and Hartley ran to everything she wasn't supposed to: a man we didn't know (who definitely creeped me out) and the busy street a few times. So I put her in the stroller and headed to do outdoor time beside our house. Again, there was stranger chasing and running away from me and running into the parking lot. So after saying "stop"/"follow me"/"we don't go in the street" a dozen times, I took her inside and did our first ever time out. She was tantrumming from having to go inside, and I put her in the living room to cool down and have quiet time. After a while the fist clenching, foot stomping and wailing subsided, and she cooled down. 

I love my daughter to pieces, and I hate being the tough mom but we're running into some issues that need to stop for her own safety. Sometimes I feel guilt over me being slow or us not having a proper yard for her because then she wouldn't need my "rules". But I know at the end of the day, that she is a very loved and lucky little lady. She's getting a sibling (let's get real, that's the best gift I'll ever give her), and more than likely, she's getting a real yard next year. Then that kid will basically be living the life, and she'll be well versed in her listening skills, which she'll need anyway. 

I also feel for her because her body is more like a 2 year old's. She's not a small kid, and that makes her stronger and faster than her age. She also has more energy than her age. She seems to do best with her 2 year old playmates. But her cognitive skills are that of a 15 month old, so it makes things tough. I notice when a 2 year old hears "stop", they will stop. Hartley won't, which is probably typical of her age but I forget how old she is as our running speeds are now the same. My mom came up with this theory actually (because she has spent enough time with Hartley to know what I'm talking about), and it really clicked for me. I can't lie, before my mom said that I actually had started to worry Hartley had something really wrong with her. I was honestly thinking maybe it's an attention disorder or some form or autism, not kidding. But now I'm pretty convinced her body might just be advanced in comparison to her typically developing brain.

That's not the easiest combination. It's hard for me, and probably very frustrating for her as well. However, it's one of those things that will totally even out over time, and in a year, it will (knock on wood) be a distant memory. It does suck right now though, and trust me, I have browsed child leashes online. Sorry I'm not sorry. 

This blog might have been long but it barely scratches the surface of our lives lately. And before I wrap this up, I must mention that my husband is super husband/dad. As I continue to grow more tired/cranky/emotional, he just keeps stepping up to the plate and being our family all star. Whether its coming from work a little early and taking Hartley out to play or fixing my pregnant lady blues by taking us out to dinner, he's the best. He's constantly helping with tidying the house and picking up toys, which used to be the job of yours truly until bending over started to get the best of me recently. And the people at the grocery store know him and Hartley by name because they do all the big trips. I don't know how he does it. I don't know how a person can work as hard as he does at work and manage to be such a huge help at home but I'm incredibly grateful for it because without him, I'd be even crazier than I already am ;) 

So this is a bit of what's going on in the Cranes' nest for now but we're about to take on a 3 day weekend, and soon after that, a trip to the beach and a trip to Raleigh, so there are fun adventures ahead for us. Hope everyone enjoys the long weekend and tackles it with a Hartley level of energy ;) 

Friday, May 15, 2015

Mother's Day

This blog is pretty late but this mothers' day was wonderful. 

A while ago, my brother and his fiancé offered to host mothers' day at their new house. So I suggested to Brian that he offer to take his mom out for mothers' day brunch. And I probably hinted that he could plan something for me the day before actual mothers' day ;)

It sounds dumb but I wanted this mother's day to surpass last year's. Last year we learned you can't go out to eat without reservations... unless you go to Red Robin. Hartley woke up as soon as we got there, and I remember praying for her to not cry. Of course she wailed, so I wolfed down a chicken finger, chugged my margarita, and we left speedily. I remember feeling like the worst mother ever because I could not get my baby to stop crying. I remember saying to Brian, "people call this a holiday?!"

This year I just wanted there to be no tears - from Hartley or myself. 

Well, there were tears alright - but they were happy ones. 

Our weekend plans were to see the Avengers movie on Friday night, my Mother's Day would be Saturday, and Sunday we would spend with our mothers. 

Brian came home from work early on Friday so I could "get ready for our date". That should've tipped me off but I thought that maybe Brian could tell I was really tired lately, and he wanted to give me a little extra me time. My mom called while I was getting ready, and I told her even though I had no desire to see the Avengers, I was so happy to be getting out of the house for a break. 

My dad came over to baby sit, and Hartley lit up as she always goes nuts when she sees my dad. I was feeling like it was a win win for all. 

When we were in the car, Brian passed the exit for the movie theatre so I told him he just missed it. He told me he'd turn around but could I grab him a tissue out of the glove compartment. So I opened it and out fell a couple envelopes. 

I opened the first one, and this is what it said: 

"If all has gone according to plan, I just 'accidentally' passed the exit for the Alamo Drafthouse. Did you really think I'd drag you to Avengers on Mother's Day weekend? Ok... I can see why you'd think that but alas - we are going to spend the night at Lansdowne!! Your parents are in on it, so don't worry about Hartley! You are an amazing mother, wife, friend and woman. I'm so grateful for all you do, and I'm constantly in awe of you. So let's have a fun, relaxing night because lord knows you deserve it. I love you." 

Cue the pregnant lady tears.

In 8.5 years, Brian has never pulled off a surprise. It's cute, he usually gets excited about gifts and spills the beans before he even gives them. But this was such an incredible surprise, and it was perfect. 

The second envelope was a gift certificate to the nail place down the street. I told him all I wanted for Mother's Day was a pedicure - he listened but got me one for a manicure and pedicure. Most thoughtful gift ever for a pregnant mom who can hardly reach her own toes. 

When we arrived, he surprised me with various little treats including chocolate covered strawberries (which I obviously 'cheated' and ate a couple) and a framed picture of Hartley and I. 


Obviously, at 15 months in, I'm still new to motherhood. I love it but somedays it's a little hard that the person I care for 24/7 can't say, "thank you". She can't say, "I love you". So sometimes I feel like all the things I do aren't really noticed. So when my husband stops to recognize and show me how grateful he is, it definitely tugs on the old heart strings. 

We went out to dinner, and I even ordered a mocktail. We talked about non kid things. It was so nice. No high chair. No food chopping. No crayon throwing. No mess. Just two parents kicking back enjoying food and each other's company! 


In the morning, we ordered room service and enjoyed breakfast in bed. Then we went for a walk around the resort and enjoyed the beautiful weather. I actually got to SIP my coffee. Not guzzle it or play keep away from Hartley! Sip!!

When we returned, Hartley even seemed happy to see me. She reached out her arms when she saw me for a hug. I never get that because I very rarely leave her. That felt like the cherry on top.


Brian also cooked me a special dinner of crab legs on Saturday and gave me the most beautiful hot pink roses (my absolute favorite). 

It was total perfection. 

Sorry that this sounds like a total wife brag. But if you'd lived the couple weeks in our house leading up to Mother's Day, you'd understand just exactly how much this meant to me. 

I saw a funny buzzfeed pie chart floating around of "What Mothers Really Want For Mother's Day". Well, Buzzfeed, my husband is pretty hip to what this mama wanted. He hit it out of the park!