That's a picture of the Crane crew lately. Hartley after running around the National Zoo like she owned the joint, Patrick making his presence known, and 2 happy, tired parents.
Everyday I feel challenged physically and drained emotionally.
There is something that comes with hauling around a big pregnant belly and a flailing, tantrumming 25 pound toddler that makes me simultaneously think "I must be nuts" and "I must be superwoman in yoga pants".
There are a couple tough things I'm muddling through currently: exhaustion and some not cool toddler antics.
The exhaustion should probably be less surprising than it is to me. My goal everyday is to get out and play with my very active litte girl. I am a rock star at this most days. Since she has no idea how to stop or not walk into the street or follow me, it often involves a lot of bending over to pick up and carry an unwilling 25 pound weight. Often times by the time we're done playing, I usually feel a little lightheaded and a few hours later, very sore. Once the day is done and my body feels beyond ready to rest, my mind begins to race. My whole life I've been somewhat of an insomniac, and it's awful even when I'm not pregnant. But there is something pretty brutal about feeling physically sore and tired, unable to sleep at night, dealing with toddler tantrums and toddler wrangling, all while your belly bulges out as you grow human life. I now understand why doctors talk about 3 years of spacing in between children being the golden amount of time. And when Brian jokes about me being pregnant again in 2016, I let him know that joke is far from funny.
Yesterday it all caught up with me, and I cried periodically throughout the day. I finally decided I couldn't hide my tears any longer. I let myself think about how afraid I am of all the different things that will be happening in the next handful of months. I thought about how bad that last month of pregnancy is, how uncomfortable you get. I thought about how painful childbirth is. I thought about the newborn stage, the terrible sleep deprivation. And I thought about how I'd be going through all of that and struggling to still be a good mom to Hartley. I thought how I might just be the worst boy mom in the world because I hate sports and know jackshit about that stuff.
But today I woke up feeling very zen. Beautiful weather, new day, I can do this.
I did my little diabetes test and ate my diabetes friendly breakfast, and I remembered to record them in my log. By the way, the whole gestational diabetes thing is a giant pain in the ass in addition to everything else.
I did decide to screw being home for the next finger prick test and walk Hartley over to the soccer field instead. We made a pit stop at Starbucks, which is the epitome of an awesome Friday treat. We went to the field and Hartley ran to everything she wasn't supposed to: a man we didn't know (who definitely creeped me out) and the busy street a few times. So I put her in the stroller and headed to do outdoor time beside our house. Again, there was stranger chasing and running away from me and running into the parking lot. So after saying "stop"/"follow me"/"we don't go in the street" a dozen times, I took her inside and did our first ever time out. She was tantrumming from having to go inside, and I put her in the living room to cool down and have quiet time. After a while the fist clenching, foot stomping and wailing subsided, and she cooled down.
I love my daughter to pieces, and I hate being the tough mom but we're running into some issues that need to stop for her own safety. Sometimes I feel guilt over me being slow or us not having a proper yard for her because then she wouldn't need my "rules". But I know at the end of the day, that she is a very loved and lucky little lady. She's getting a sibling (let's get real, that's the best gift I'll ever give her), and more than likely, she's getting a real yard next year. Then that kid will basically be living the life, and she'll be well versed in her listening skills, which she'll need anyway.
I also feel for her because her body is more like a 2 year old's. She's not a small kid, and that makes her stronger and faster than her age. She also has more energy than her age. She seems to do best with her 2 year old playmates. But her cognitive skills are that of a 15 month old, so it makes things tough. I notice when a 2 year old hears "stop", they will stop. Hartley won't, which is probably typical of her age but I forget how old she is as our running speeds are now the same. My mom came up with this theory actually (because she has spent enough time with Hartley to know what I'm talking about), and it really clicked for me. I can't lie, before my mom said that I actually had started to worry Hartley had something really wrong with her. I was honestly thinking maybe it's an attention disorder or some form or autism, not kidding. But now I'm pretty convinced her body might just be advanced in comparison to her typically developing brain.
That's not the easiest combination. It's hard for me, and probably very frustrating for her as well. However, it's one of those things that will totally even out over time, and in a year, it will (knock on wood) be a distant memory. It does suck right now though, and trust me, I have browsed child leashes online. Sorry I'm not sorry.
This blog might have been long but it barely scratches the surface of our lives lately. And before I wrap this up, I must mention that my husband is super husband/dad. As I continue to grow more tired/cranky/emotional, he just keeps stepping up to the plate and being our family all star. Whether its coming from work a little early and taking Hartley out to play or fixing my pregnant lady blues by taking us out to dinner, he's the best. He's constantly helping with tidying the house and picking up toys, which used to be the job of yours truly until bending over started to get the best of me recently. And the people at the grocery store know him and Hartley by name because they do all the big trips. I don't know how he does it. I don't know how a person can work as hard as he does at work and manage to be such a huge help at home but I'm incredibly grateful for it because without him, I'd be even crazier than I already am ;)
So this is a bit of what's going on in the Cranes' nest for now but we're about to take on a 3 day weekend, and soon after that, a trip to the beach and a trip to Raleigh, so there are fun adventures ahead for us. Hope everyone enjoys the long weekend and tackles it with a Hartley level of energy ;)
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