Life lately.

Life lately has been a mixture of wonderful with a sprinkle of cranky and a large dash of tired.

And those moods don't just reference Hartley! 

Life is good. We all are well.

But for whatever reason, in the last week, we've all had some tired, grumpy, not so great days.

We've adjusted to life as a family of three but every now and then we still find ourselves learning new things. That the baby is drastically affected when she doesn't get enough sleep, that she relies heavily (so we do too) on a schedule, and that we are starting to see a ton of "stranger anxiety".

I'm learning that I need to take time out for myself. Something you never get before you have children is how sweet freedom is! I was considering grocery shopping to be my me time. But when I took actual me time on Monday, I realized I need more of that to keep my patience and stay sane. I'm also learning my walks with my neighbor and her babe are incredibly good for my soul.

I think Brian realized, after being home for a three day weekend, that Hartley can be really tiring. On a weekday, he sees her for maybe 2 hours, and it's the perfect amount of time for Hartley to be all fun and games. He realized after a couple hours, while still fun in its own way, she can be exhausting. And it was really sweet, by the end of the weekend he told me again how much he really appreciates me and what a good mom I am. But he was all sorts of worn out himself.

I wouldn't say we're in a slump but we all are pretty much just plain tired lately. The newborn stage is gone and she wants to explore but she's still to young to do much independent play time. So there's a lot of holding, bouncing, singing, talking to her and making funny faces. Lots of one handed eating, 5 minute lunches and huge laundry piles. There have been some tears - some of Hartley's and some of mine. There is still lots of love but it's now followed with me crashing by 10pm instead of staying up past midnight. And somehow waking up tired in the morning! 

I'm on the hunt for activities and schedule ideas to get us in to a more fun groove. I'll share if I figure out how to get us out of our super tired routine! And shout out to whoever is looking down on us and got her to sleep in a little late this morning. This mama needed it.

May 24, 2013

I would more appropriately write this post tomorrow but these days weekends seem far too precious to use for blogging. 

May 24, 2013 will likely always be the luckiest day of my life. For the rest of my life, I will be in awe of that day. There aren't many people in this world who get to experience what Brian and I experienced on that day so many people will never understand just how amazing it really was.

We saw Hartley for the very first time. We got a printed out picture of her as an embryo. This little being, in the earliest stage of its life. Microscopic but all her information existed in this teeny grouping of cells. My husband held my hand as a team of doctors transferred her into her cozy home where she would grow and thrive for 9 months. 

And I laid there afterwards wondering about our future. Hoping and praying for a healthy baby.

Well, the ending is more like a beginning. God and science did not fail us. We were blessed with a true miracle baby. For that, I am forever grateful. 

I spent years of my life wishing for a healthy baby. Years where every 11:11 on a clock I'd ask for one. And truth be told, now, I have nothing more in my life that I ever feel like asking for. I see the clock hit 11:11, and I ask that I don't wake up from this dream. I ask that my little family stay just as healthy and in love as we are right now. 

In vitro. Do you know what that means? In glass. Hartley grew in glass even before she grew inside of me. Still, even today, there just aren't words for that. "Incredible" will have to suffice. 

So every year, on May 24th, I will count my blessings twice. I will remember just how lucky I am. And even though motherhood can be exhausting at times, on that day out of the year I will remember that it is a true gift. 

How Brian and I got so lucky, I will never know. But I am so grateful that we get to be Hartley Glenn's parents. She is my proudest achievement, and a tie for the greatest love of my life. 

Another weight watchers update

So this was an off week in our house. I got my period. It was and continues to be heinous. Brian jokes that Hartley and I are on the same cycle because she decided to have an off couple days this week. I can't lie, when Brian left for work yesterday I was literally in tears. Hormones, cranky baby with flying poop I had to clean off the wall. I was feeling like my life was so small. And I thought about the walking cliche I was, a pajama wearing, baby clothes laundering, crock pot cooking, weight watching suburban mother. So to fix it I indulged in a bagel... and California Tortilla. Afterwards I realized this fix isn't really a fix at all. I had a slip the day before of frozen yogurt - same deal with emotional eating after the babe decided she would not nap.

I decided today to get on the scale - a day early - for a wake up call, totally bracing myself for gain but hoping I stayed the same as last weigh in.

Well looks like the little slips were outweighed by the rest of the major good efforts of the week. I'm down 1 pound from last week, 4 pounds total!

It's a good lesson that trying hard and having a couple splurges can still put you in the right direction. And today, that little loss motivates me to have a great day! 

We are going for a long trail walk with my new neighborhood walk buddy and her baby. Win.

This Memorial Day weekend is crazy busy with lots of festivities that involve eating. So my plan is to do as well as I can and not beat myself up.

Goals:

Do daily trail walks.

Load up on veggies, fruit, and lean meat/protein. But forgive myself if there's a piece of wedding cake!

Limit drinking.

Compensate by staying strictly to the diet the Tuesday through Friday after the weekend.

I'm really hoping to lose 2 pounds this week to keep me enthusiastic and motivated. Wish me luck! 

weight watchers update 1

The first weight watchers weigh in was great. I'm down 3 pounds so far (as of Saturday - weigh in day is actually Saturday). I've been doing a pretty damn good job but have had a couple small "cheats". I figure slow and steady wins the race so instead of being super strict to lose a ton quickly, I'm keeping my diet as close to real life as possible to go for the long term loss.

This week being the prime example. Just got my second post pardum period and kind of want to throw myself out of a window. So I'm being forgiving of any small slips that occur in the next handful of days. Baby plus physically feeling miserable entitles a girl to an extra snack or two! 

But I'm really liking the diet. I'm 8 days in and already feeling better about myself. I'm also learning new healthy crock pot recipes and that I love to snack on veggies. 

Well, the baby and the couch are calling! Just hoping today doesn't end up requiring ice cream!

A couple new staples around here:

Diet coke + Brussel sprouts = new favorite snack

Chicken taco chili is a new favorite in our house. "Diet" food never tasted so good. Recipe from skinny mom.com.

Homemade baby wipes

When I was pregnant, I told people I planned on making my own baby wipes, and they looked at me like I had 8 heads. Just like with the cloth diapering the consensus was, "don't add more work for yourself." 

Lemme just say, making baby wipes - a thousand times easier than packing up Hartley to go to the store to buy them. 

I will first say, when we deal with tinkle we spray baby washcloths/flannel cloths with water and use those for wiping (for cloth diapering that just makes sense). But along comes sticky, nasty baby poop - and out come my homemade wipes (unless I'm behind in life and don't have a batch on hand).

The reason I love my wipes better than store brand? Um, two words: sensitive skin. Not Hartley's. Not Brian's. Mine. Store brand wipes gives yours truly eczema flare ups. Yes, diaper changes cause my skin to crack and ooze. 

But I guess that's not the only reason. They smell better, feel better and just seem healthier. I haven't done the nitty gritty cost comparison but I'd venture to say they are a little cheaper, too. 

I snatched this super easy recipe from pinterest and tweaked it a little. I used bounty napkins instead of slicing paper towels.

I stuff as many napkins as I can into a Rubbermaid container. Think really stuffing - like into skinny jeans on your fat day. I mix up a cup of hot water, 1 tbsp baby wash and 1 tbsp coconut oil. Then I drizzle this over the napkins and put the lid on. Voila. Easiest thing ever. Obviously wait for them to cool before using but the hot water helps the coconut oil to dissolve.

I've experimented a little with the amounts in the mixture. Obviously you try to keep the proportions correct while tailoring the total amount of mixture to the number of napkins. Nowadays with the container I use, I try to do 3/4 of the recipe listed above but I eyeball it. 

I'm not condemning store bought wipes. A lot of old school moms think things like this are new moms being ridiculous. But when you've got sensitive skin and a kid with sensitive skin, it takes a little reinventing of the wheel. And we still have plenty of store bought wipes on hand for outings and babysitters.

But I recommend giving this a whirl if you've got a babe with sensitive skin. I have a feeling you just might love them as much as I do! 

Weight watchers.

I debated whether or not to put this on the blog. Even though I don't know exactly who reads this, it'd still be embarrassing to declare I'm doing a diet and then fail miserably. But that's also the reason I decided to go ahead and put it on the blog: accountability. 

I don't like diets. I think they are designed for failure. I say this as a person who has yo yo dieted for a decade. I say this as a person who's closet has a range of clothes from a size 2 to a size 12. You drop pounds, then you stray from your diet and you usually end up worse off than you started. This up and down reeks havoc on your metabolism AND your organs. Yeah, I majored in health and fitness for a hot second in college. The same is true for exercise binges. I used to work out 1.5 to 2 hours a day in college. I was much slimmer but when I joined the real world I learned I didn't have that time to spend at the gym - or, quite frankly, the desire. And now with a family, I'd rather have them get my spare time - we just need to be active together. 

But I feel too far gone for "lifestyle changes", and I needed a "diet" I felt would be as true to a maintainable lifestyle as possible. So I choose weight watchers. It doesn't hurt that my girl crush, Jessica Simpson, is their new spokesperson. Say what you will about her but I love her. She's my height, and I'm going to flatter myself but we have the same body frame, curves! Yep, I'm a sucker for weight watchers marketing, even if it is an illusion. 

Today is day 3. I'm celebrating each day as a victory. Wahoo on a great first two days! 

Today is off to a good start. My breakfast is pictured above. South Beach quiche cups, thinly sliced low sodium turkey bacon and a banana. 4 points. 

I'm debating how exactly I'll feature this on the blog. Hopefully it will be successes and not failures! But wish me luck as I start the mission to be a healthier, happier me! 

Three months.

Oh Hartley bear,

You are 3 whole months old today!

I can't believe you came into our lives 3 months ago. Nana says it's felt like a long 3 months - and it really has. It feels like you've always been a part of our family! 

I can't believe I'm going to say this cliche line but our love for you just continues to grow exponentially. Every day we think we can't possibly love you more, and yet somehow we do. 

It was a big month for you. You met the Easter bunny and celebrated your first Easter. You slept on the bunny's lap. And you essentially slept through Easter, too!

You were baptized and had a party in your honor. You were the best behaved baby at the baptism - you just slept on mama the whole time. But the whole reception thing wasn't your deal! 

You have just started sleeping through the night. You are an amazing sleeper. I mean, amazing. Sleeping 8 pm to 9 am - taking a break to feed at 6 am but just going right back to bed.

Sleep largely affects your mood. So we encourage sleep. I also think your fast growing requires the extra z's. 

You are such a chunk. You still love to eat. You wear mostly 3-6 month clothes now. 

You love baths. Dad and I both love doing your bath time because you are all smiles during it. Nana bought you lots of bath toys that you love.

You are such a good listener during story time. Right now we read Doggies, Snuggle Puppy, the Spot books, Five Black Cats, Wherever You Are, and your bedtime prayer book. Dad has started doing number flash cards with you.

You are so fascinated with everything. You still love mirrors and lights. You are starting to notice the tv and Winnie more. You watch the rain. You are always sticking out your tongue and bubbling and drooling. You smile but you still like to mean mug and do a confused look in pictures. 

You love your musical seahorse, Sophie the giraffe and your pink giraffe blankie. You love your swing and kick n play piano. You love walks and car rides. You love mom's funny faces.

You hate tummy time. So mom hates it, too. 

You are such a sweet baby and a little bit of a mama's girl. Your snuggles are the best. 

We love you so much, lovey. We're so lucky to call you our daughter.

Mama's girl.

So it's been a while since I've been on here. Life has been busy. Between the daily going ons, play dates and Hartley's baptism, there hasn't been much time to sit down and write. I'll do a baptism entry soon. Though it can be summarized as ceremony good, reception bad in terms of Hartley. 

And I've had a million ideas for entries. A million things I need to get out of my brain and onto this journal. 

But I'm starting with the thing I half love, half am terrified of. 

Hartley is becoming a total mama's girl. She wants her mom. She wants her now. She wants her all day. And quite frankly, most of the time, no one else will do. 

There is a part of me that loves it. It strokes the ego. And it makes me feel like she really loves me. I honestly feel like we are two peas in a pod, and I love our daily mother daughter lovefest.

But part of me is freaked out about it. Will I never get a chance to shower again? How will I ever leave her with a baby sitter? And the worst - when I pass her off to someone and she starts to cry, I instantly feel terrible for that person. I don't want them to think my baby doesn't love them or that they are bad with her. She is just a total mama's girl.

I used to take baths when Brian came home from work but I don't even try that anymore as they would always be interrupted with Hartley shrieking and then me running downstairs in a towel to get her. He would feel awful. I would feel awful. And I'd be sitting there explaining to him that of course Hartley loves her dad, she's just with me everyday, all day, and it's made me the person with which she's most familiar. 

Hartley is a happy baby when it's just she and I, in our own little world. She almost never cries. She just smiles and snuggles... and I could swear it even sounds like she laughs. 

But add other people to the mix, and she's not nuts about it.

I know people will say I have created or am creating a monster. But I'm not. I'm doing what comes naturally to us, I'm taking her cues. And it seems to be her personality. According to my mom, I was the exact same way. My twin brother could be held by anyone. They used to quip he should be a politician because he was such a baby flirt. And I was a screamer who only wanted my mama. Apparently my shriek was way worse than Hartley's. 

I think it's pretty crazy how much Hartley takes after me. My little mini me. Like I've said, half of me loves it. I totally get her. I feel like we are crazy in sync. I just want her to be a little more flexible and easy going for others so they get to know the sweet baby I know. 

Oh, and my baby and large groups of people? Shoot me in the face, it's awful. The whole giant first birthday thing that everyone around here does? Fuck no. Immediate families. Boom. Done.