Well there she is - Hartley Glenn in 3D!
We had an interesting appointment this morning. It was 2 hours! Which Brian wasn't thrilled about. Here we are in the waiting room: him grumpy, me crying. But I'll get to that.
At first glance, Hartley was looking perfect. Beautiful. Even has hair. She is estimated to weigh 6 pounds, 12 ounces.
Then we spent 30 minutes in the sonogram room. We were just waiting for Hartley to "practice breathing". This is her first appointment where she didn't :(
Frustrating because I was already concerned with the pneumonia affecting her. So far on all her biophysical exams, she has always scored a perfect 8 out of 8. Today she scored a 6 out of 8. She wouldn't practice breathing and her movement was low.
I was weighed. I'm up 13 pounds. They did a cervical check - long and closed so she's not trying to get here. We talked about my pneumonia. Then I asked if we could go and the doctor told me she was debating having us do an Non Stress Test to make sure Hartley wasn't in fetal distress.
I know she decided yes because I was stressed out. If Hartley didn't absolutely need that test, I needed it.
They sent us back to the waiting room to wait for the NST. Hence the Brian being grumpy and me crying. I was crying in part because I was worried and in part because Brian seemed so preoccupied with how the length of the appointment was affecting him. I swear, sometimes I don't understand men... at all.
Well, we got called back, and they hooked me up to monitors. They gave me a lollipop and ice cold water to drink to get her moving. I pushed a button every time she kicked. The point being her heart rate should always be up, especially during movement. So I laid there for a while, and when the doctor eventually came back in she said the baby did fine. Brian asked how they gauged it, and she showed us the graph the machine printed and explained it to us.
In the car, I told Brian I was sorry it took longer but that he needed to understand how important them monitoring the baby is. I worry about Hartley so much already, and it sometimes disturbs me that Brian doesn't have the same sort of reaction. He told me that when he's stressed he gets grumpy. I get it but I can't lie, it doesn't help me. I hope he can keep his cool during delivery because to be blunt, it's far scarier for me than it is for him.
The past few days haven't been a ball. Though today I do feel like I'm actually on the mend. There has been other stuff going on the past couple days that will not be featured on the blog.
Though on a very positive note, my mom and I have been connecting very well. She's called every day since Friday to check in on me and has offered several times to help me however she can. That's saying a lot as she has a lot going on in her own life. And it's funny how even when you're 28, your mom worries about you, and it's comforting that she still wants to take care of you. We also had a major breakthrough. My aunt told my mom that because my pregnancy has been difficult that she shouldn't pressure me to have more kids. And my mom said she was sorry that this pregnancy thing hasn't been fair, and she would completely understand if I choose never to do it again. I know that is my decision to make but it was a relief hearing that I wouldn't be getting grief about it from someone who's opinion matters to me.
She taught me to play the Pollyanna game - to find the positive wherever it is. So when she said she can't believe all the shit that has come my way, I responded with, "but I'm lucky to be pregnant." And she gave me permission to whine and admit that it just hasn't been fair. And I think it was the first time I said out loud, "this isn't fair."
She has also talked about taking off work the day of the induction. My brother is talking about how he's going to be on his "A game" the first time he holds Hartley. I get lots of sweet excited/countdown texts from friends. I love the enthusiasm. It's helping me to shake a little bit of my nervousness.
We have 3 weeks, 3 days until she will definitely be here. I haven't packed my hospital bag. I'm a nervous wreck over her. And I flip flop between wanting time to slow down and wanting my sweet angel in my arms. Let the roller coaster ride continue...
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