When Brian and I got married, we discussed a lot of how we saw our lives going. People might think that's weird. But I tell you the most underrated component to a relationship is communication. There are things you should talk about before just running in to something completely unaware of how your partner feels.
As I've said before we talked about the age/financial point where we wanted to start having kids. Yes, I said financial. The obvious reasons for that are the cost of a family home and providing for a child. The funny thing about our trying to conceive journey is we accidentally hit the nail on the head. This is the age we originally planned to start our family. And this is the financial place we wanted to be in as well.
Another reason we had a financial goal to start a family was because we both felt extremely strongly about me being a stay at home mom. Yes, of all the men I know my husband is one of the few who wants his wife to be a stay at home mom. We both are believers of the big benefits that come from a mom taking her kids to play groups and on field trips. A mom who has time to cook, clean, volunteer in the classroom, facilitate social activities and help with homework. A mom who is always there to read to her kid, talk to them about things and tuck them in at night.
That is absolutely not to stay that a woman can't do those things while working. But let's get real, it's more challenging to be able to juggle a full time job and all the responsibilities that come with caring for and raising human beings.
Yesterday, I caught myself doing two things: talking to my next door neighbor about how to join the Reston Moms Club (mainly for stay at home moms) and then registering for a laser seminar in a couple weeks. That's right. As with everything else that's changed about me, my viewpoint towards working after kids has too. I would like just the slightest bit of part time work to allow me to have my own identity outside of motherhood.
Now, if I had my life perfectly, and I could just pick my situation post baby it would be one of two things:
1. Working 1-2 days a week, preferably at the last medispa I worked at, while a family member came over to baby sit. My dad is retired and at one point offered to help in that kind of way but it's obviously something you can't ask of someone unless they offer.
2. Starting my own business and working a few hours a couple weekends a month while Brian got to have dad time with the kiddo.
See, both scenarios revolve around my mainly staying home but giving me an opportunity to do a little work doing something I enjoy.
At no point in time have I considered being a full time working mom. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being one. My field is one where you obviously can't work from home. My husband has a relatively demanding job so I feel it wouldn't be fair to our child to have two parents who weren't around much. In my eyes, it really defeats the purpose of us having a kid in the first place.
I'm not stressed about this decision. I'm lucky to have a husband who has a great job and who is very smart with money. And it's currently not essential that I bring in income.
But I will say I sometimes wish I had a crystal ball to see what happens!
But like most things in life I won't know until we get there. I just wanted to write this blog because it's something I think about. And it's something that's tough to discuss with others because we all have our opinions about what is best. The beautiful thing about life is that it all magically works out the way it's supposed to for all of us.
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