Overwhelmed.

Yesterday Brian and I had our "cycle review". We thought it would be an hour long class where we received a flow chart or calendar of medications to take AND learn how to mix and administer the various injectables. Turns out it was a little over an hour of just learning how the cycle works. We will have a separate 1-2 hour long class where we learn to mix and administer my medications.

Now, to get the full idea of what yesterday was like, think to yourself, "have I ever had several hour long discussions with medical professionals just to discuss the next 6-8 weeks of my life?" To say the amount of information we've been given, paperwork we've signed and pharmacies I've talked to is overwhelming is the epitome of an understatement.

I got very sweet texts from my boss yesterday checking in on me. As much as I hate to say this, I'm not sure I'll be returning to work anytime soon. I think my life is about to get turned upside down. I absolutely could not work how I used to going through this. I've learned there will be a few weeks during the process I can expect to be in the office every day.

Today I'm going to begin researching all of my medications. Yesterday I filled prescriptions for 11 medications - some from a speciality pharmacy in Massachusetts (the big guns), a speciality pharmacy in DC, and my regular old Target pharmacy. I have one shipment arriving via courier today. Then the big guns arrive tomorrow from MA - literally thousands of dollars of egg making injectables arriving via a FedEx shipment, some in coolers.

In a way, I kind of feel very badass. My medications make my old high dose of Clomid look like the row of sugar pills in a birth control pack.

Also, this weekend we will begin the organizing process. The advice we've read is to have a place in your home that is free of bacteria, has adequate surface area and is well lit for mixing and injecting. Whelp, this is where the "nursery" comes in handy. We're setting up our folding table in there along with two floor lamps for lighting. I need to disinfect the table with hospital strength disinfectant.

We also will buy bins to organize the medications. Organization is very key in this process. The nurse advised us to divide my various doses of medications into ziploc bags. The one I will need to keep in my purse comes in handy pen form so it can even be injected in a public restroom if need be. Why can't they all be like that?

I've been advised to take turns each day doing all my injections for that day on one side, and alternate between left and right. Yes, there are multiple injections a day most of the time. I've learned you can inject over a bruise. My daily baby aspirin (to prevent clots) will make me bruise more easily. I've been warned my stomach will look like I've been punched or kicked repeatedly. Thank goodness I'm too chubby to be wearing a bikini anytime soon!

My ovaries are currently the size of walnuts and will get to be the size of grapefruits. I will be pretty uncomfortable at that point so thank goodness for maxi dresses. But between both my lovely large ovaries I should be carrying around about 20 eggs. Yeah, Clomid gave me 1 undersized egg each time.

I'm terrified but genuinely excited. My whole life I've been afraid of needles, yet I can't wait to get my hands on my syringes. I'm starting to realize there is very little I wouldn't do to have this baby. I know in my heart of hearts that every ounce of fear will be outweighed by the joy I feel the day I find out that all of this worked.