Feelings.

This morning I walked back to the sonogram room with the nurse, and she asked me, "Are you nervous or are you excited?"

The truth is, I'm both.

Nervous.

When people ask if I'm nervous, I say, "not really." There's a reason I say that. It does zero good to tell someone you're nervous. Usually they'll tell you not to be or that you'll get the hang of all this, and then you kind of want to punch them in the face. You kind of wish you could take an injection and have them stab themselves a couple times... every day.

It's so obvious that it seems to dumb to say but it's NORMAL to be nervous. I'm going to be injecting myself, and it IS a little scary. I'm letting all sorts of unnatural hormones enter my body and completely alter it to a highly unnatural state. That is nerve racking!

If you have in fact given yourself dozens of injections and have grown your ovaries to the size of grapefruits carrying more eggs than you can count on both hands, you can correct me. You can tell me you weren't nervous. And I'll bow down to your bravery.

Until then, I'll be a little nervous until I "get the hang of it."

Excited.

So the same reason I'm nervous is the same reason I'm excited. I'm about to alter my body to a highly unnatural state. On these injections, I should have no problem growing eggs. And in turn, creating embryos. And then hopefully, growing a baby.

Obviously, the effectiveness of IUI and IVF can't be compared. They're not the same thing... at all. Clomid IUI just made me feel like I wasn't going to have a baby. Going into IVF, I know this is the best of the best available, so I believe it will work. I'm so happy to believe again! I'm excited that this should finally lead to baby.


They called with my instructions for tonight. For the next 3 days I'll do 2 injections a day: Gonal F 150 IU and Menopur 75 IU. Then on Friday morning, hopefully I'll get to see some follicles developing. Not gonna lie, I'll be little ticked if my ovaries are empty.

So I leave off about 4.5 hours until the nurse comes over to do the injection teaching. I'll continue to be nervous AND excited. Later, I'll update with tales of my glorious first 2 injections!