SIS abnormal

This morning I had a Saline Injected Sonogram (SIS). This is a test done to examine the condition of the uterus, to look for scar tissue or polyps.

Last night in preparation I took antibiotics. I took 4 daily doses in one sitting. My stomach blew up like a balloon. I walked around the house dry heaving because all I wanted to do was throw up; I felt so incredibly nauseous.

I thought, "is this happening because I'm anxious?" Turns out taking 4 doses of an antibiotic in 1 sitting actually just makes people feel really sick.

This was the first test they were running where I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that it would come back abnormal.

I've had an endometrial biopsy in the past for endometrial hyperplasia. That was when I bargained with God. I told him if he didn't give me endometrial cancer that he didn't need to give me kids. When you're 25 years old and you're told you could have an invasive form of cancer, you pray like you've never prayed in your life.

After that experience, I knew my uterine lining was not "normal". When they told me a couple days ago they were checking it, I told Brian I was scared because I knew the test would show abnormal findings.

This morning I took my 3 ibuprofen and got to the office 30 minutes early. They took me back 15 minutes early and had me empty my bladder. They cranked me open with the speculum and used a catheter to inject saline solution. They kept saying I'd feel cramping or pressure but honestly, I think I have a relatively high pain tolerance so I felt nothing. When they started doing the sonogram portion I knew something was wrong. I looked at the doctor and nurse's faces, and they looked pensive. One thing I've learned is when a doctor looks pensive, that means something isn't normal.

They had me sit up so "we could talk". Fuck. That's not good. Anytime you need to talk about something, chances are they're not telling you everything looks great.

"Well, Page, you have polyps. See how your uterus looks like this *shows sonogram picture of a jagged blob*? It's supposed to look like this *doctor draws a nice smooth oval*. We're going to need to do surgery to get rid of those polyps..."

I kind of got nervous so I deflected my fear by pretending to be excited at getting painkillers. God, I'm so fucking awkward sometimes. I swear.

Here are the things I picked up on:

- they are not worried about my polyps being cancerous
- surgery to be done next week at fair oaks hospital, will call to schedule
- will be put under for surgery and have cramping afterwards
- will start injectables a couple weeks after my surgery delaying the IVF procedure a little
- this should not affect my acceptance into the money back guarantee program (though lately I am rethinking whether or not to do that route as I don't know if I can physically or mentally do 4 cycles...)

I'm in decent spirits. I'm not happy but I'm not devastated.

I have learned that I have not only do I have problematic ovaries but also a problematic uterus.

I'm currently debating only doing 2 IVF cycles and then being done.

I'm hoping the surgery goes well. I hope Brian gets to be there when they put me to sleep.

I hope that no matter the outcome of all of this that soon I get to feel a little more at peace.