cycle day 5

The best thing that has come out of undergoing infertility treatment is learning just how incredible my marriage is. When I say that, I don't mean to brag. And I'm not saying every minute has been easy; we've had moments of frustration with one another.

But I have to say, I've never seen a love like ours. 

When the last IUI didn't work, Brian said to me, "This makes no sense; we love each other so much."

The truth is, the fact that we love each other means jack shit in the world of infertility. In fact, there have been times where I've thought, "maybe we can't have kids because we already got too lucky when we found each other." (Ok, I think that almost daily.)

When Brian and I went away together this weekend I realized just how strong we are together.

We went to my Saturday morning blood draw together. About 6 hours later, we were on the beach, and it felt like a separate day. We didn't talk too much about IVF stuff this weekend. To be honest, I don't know if we talked about it at all. We talked about being tiny specs in a giant world. We tried to guess how far out in the ocean we could see. Of course, Brian googled the answer.

We did talk about how if none of this works we're going to live amazing lives together. We talked about how we'd spoil our future nieces and nephews and our friends' kids. About how we'd borrow them for the weekend, do all sorts of fun things, and then give them back to their parents. We talked about the places we'd travel to and my next car being a sports car as I'd have no need for a mini-van. 

Brian timed his jogs at the same time as my bubble baths so we could "maximize our time together." His exact words.

We sang together in the car. We played early morning Scrabble. We laughed at each other's off color humor over dirty bananas.

There is so much irony in the fact that a few days earlier we signed consent forms that spoke to the contrary. We signed that we acknowledge that infertility treatments could put stress on our marriage. We signed that while going through IVF we must notify the clinic if we get separated or divorced.

The truth is, if I saw my marriage moving in that direction, I wouldn't do infertility treatments. My relationship with my husband is the most important thing in the world to me because at the end of the day, it's the two of us. 

I wouldn't place any bets on whether or not we'll have a child.

I would bet every cent I have that our marriage won't be broken. 

I'm not just eggs, and he's not just sperm. I'm Page and he's Brian - and we're the stuff modern day fairy tales are made of. As we get ready to board yet another wild ride, I know there's no one else I'd rather have by my side.