IVF and religion

So I write this entry today for 2 reasons:

1. I have some fun antibiotics and a Saline Injected Sonogram tomorrow that I'm so nervous about that I can't even write a blog about it

2. All of the talk of gay marriage exploding in every facet of the media and social networks

I'm not going to get up on my soapbox and talk about gay marriage. This is not a political blog. I've stated it before, and you can easily draw this conclusion after reading this blog - I am pro gay marriage. Always have been, always will be.

I write this particular entry as someone who is a confirmed Catholic. My holy sacraments ended when I didn't get married in a Catholic church; I figured God could see me just fine outside in the most beautiful place I know. However, I always thought I'd go back to church someday, have a proper Catholic mass, and have my child baptized. I now struggle with whether or not to do that.

The reason I struggle with that is because the Catholic church's stance on IVF is that it is immoral and evil. The reason IVF is believed to be immoral is very similar to why gay marriage is considered immoral. It is thought that procreation should only result from conjugal acts between man and wife. After all, it is how we were designed - like puzzle pieces, a man and a woman. If you google this issue, you'll read quotes from all sorts of church officials stating as such. The most popular quotation that sums it up seems to be this:

"Children are gifts, not products that are the result of a manufacturing process." - Rev. Richard Benson

Our IVF paperwork suggested speaking with a religious clergyman of whatever our faith may be.

I thought for a few minutes, "is what I'm doing wrong? I know it's unnatural but is it really wrong?"

It's not. I'm not going to provide some fancy argument here but it's not wrong. It is not wrong to want to be a biological mother. It's not immoral or evil.

Brian and I bought a book of 1000 questions to ask before you get married. We read it before our wedding. We agreed on every single issue - though to be fair we only asked the several hundred questions we deemed important.

We thought we had all the answers. Turns out, there are questions not even covered in that book:

- Is the destruction of embryos abortion?
- What if that embryo wouldn't be a viable pregnancy or create a healthy child?
- Is medically necessary selective termination (generally multiple gestations) considered abortion?
- Is it wrong to donate our unused embryos to research?
- Is it wrong to biopsy an embryo?

Obviously, IVF to begin with could be considered immoral so these questions are a moot point if you are super religious.

From the way it sounds, Brian and I will likely lose a few embryos in the process. Some are unfit to use, some don't survive the thawing process, etc. We discussed how the doctor will pick the healthiest embryo. I'm hoping we don't need to go this route but if we continue to be unsuccessful, there is an option to biopsy the embryos to dictate the best one. People say that is wrong because it is taking a small piece of that embryo's make up away. I just don't want to do it because it's costly; to me, there's no moral issue there.

I signed that if the doctor recommends it medically necessary to selectively terminate, I will comply or assume all risk. We signed in the event of my death that we choose to donate our embryos to another infertile couple. If and when we decide we are no longer interested in keeping our embryos, we will donate them to an infertile couple.

There is an option to destroy your embryos or donate them for research. Some people consider it "weird" to have your  biological child be someone else's child. But there is nothing else I would rather see happen with my unused embryos than making someone else's dream become a reality.

I don't know where I stood on all of these issues a year ago, even 5 or 10 years ago. Being an intelligent woman I can see the points to each side of the argument. Many people can only see their side but you never know where you stand until you've walked in someone else's shoes.

16 year old me wrote a persuasive essay for an advanced English class saying abortion was wrong. 27 year old me can't agree with that paper any more. I know too much about life to agree with younger me. When you're 16 your parents have taught you right from wrong, life is very black and white. When you grow up you realize so much of life is grey, and the only thing you can do is try to do your best.