soapbox rant.

When I was on my Facebook today I saw the most intriguing story pop up on my newsfeed. The Today Show is doing a series of specials on babies and being born this week. I was thrilled to see them covering IVF, and in a very original, daring way. They managed to find a woman brave enough to put her IVF experience out there, on national television. They actually filmed this woman sedated, legs apart, with a doctor extracting her eggs.

The story is here. The video is a short 6 minute, easy watch:

http://www.today.com/moms/why-im-doing-ivf-live-tv-one-womans-fertility-journey-4B11235075

I am so proud of this woman. IVF is tough to go through period, much less putting your story out for many to hear.

Yet somehow people managed to comment nasty things on her story. A few examples:

- "I'm so glad I wasn't made in a lab or doctor's office."

- "This is nature's way of telling you not to have children."

- "Just adopt already. Geez."

There was a lot of God/religious stuff too.

Now, one shouldn't put much stock in to comments like this they read online. And I'm not the type to get in to an internet war with strangers. But I do love to take the time to write about this.

It is time for us all (myself included) to stop judging things we don't understand. If you've never been through fertility treatment, there is absolutely 100%, no way you understand. You can know someone who went through it but you never, ever get to know what it feels like. You can ignorantly pass judgment but your judgement means jack shit because there's no knowledge on the matter to back it up.

There is very frequently the "just adopt" mentality. Well, one day I decided, people say that so I'll research it. Maybe we should just adopt. Adoption can take years. It can fall through at the last minute. It costs upwards of tens of thousands of dollars (usually 30K+). And for everyone who thinks there's a plethora of children available, there seems to be just as many people competing to adopt them. And you have to be deemed the most worthy. Adoption, like IVF, is not simple.

I didn't have the choice to conceive naturally (I tried), so hopefully my kid doesn't hate his or her self for being brought to life in a petri dish. And if this was nature's way of telling me not to have children, why did nature engrain me with the desire to be a mother?

Lately, I receive judgement on a different basis. The funniest thing I get now is when people who rooted and prayed for me to be able to have 1 kid, talk to me about my future kids (even though I'm still working on my first, which was my stretch goal to begin with!).  Oh lord, they need to watch the video. But like we've established, even seeing it is no where close to living it. So when I tell people I'm happy with one, it falls on deaf ears.

I decided to ask my doctor if I could have children in the future without fertility treatment; is the urban legend of pregnancy restoring fertility true?! It happens to some women but it is the far less likely scenario is what I was told. Inevitably, I'll be judged by some if I don't do more fertility treatments in the future. Though to those people I say, one child is a blessing, and you don't realize it until you have to work for years just making one!

If you read this, make it a goal to try to understand the walk others walk. Try not to pass judgement on something you haven't lived. It's a personal goal of mine as well, that I'm constantly working on because it is very tough.

But to the religious fanatics telling women who do IVF they need to repent for becoming a part of the abortion problem in this country - fuck you. I don't know about other women who do IVF but I am giving all my embryos a chance at life. If I never use them myself, they are being donated to a couple in need. I might get that rare chance to be a hero to a stranger. God can judge me for that, not you.

And to this young couple spending all their savings on the only round of IVF they can afford, all my hopes and prayers are with you. Try to stay strong and hopeful. And I hope the Today Show broadcasts your happy news soon!