luckiest infertile there ever was.

Last blog I vented. I was stressed out. I thought, "holy crap, I quit my job to focus on the fertility stuff, and my body is terrible at doing what it's supposed to be doing." My day actually took a turn for the worse when  got a call from the billing department at the clinic.

I was cleaning a sink full of dirty dishes, which had been kind of therapeutic. With soapy hands I picked up the call eager to get some answers about the financial aspect of IVF. Wow. I felt like someone sucker punched me. I felt like I should call my boss and ask for my job back and buy a dog instead of having a baby.

I started crying and didn't know what to do so I called Brian at work. I told him he wouldn't believe the prices and that I'd e-mail him what the billing lady was e-mailing me. I felt so bad listening to Brian's voice on the other end of the phone because it was the first time we had to talk about something we really couldn't afford. It would clear out our savings account, and we'd have to cash out our mutual funds, leaving very little money left over for the baby itself.

We'd been planning for this baby financially since getting married. We'd put away more money than anyone else around us. And now that was gone in my eyes. Not fair.

Well, my fears were put to ease later that day. My in-laws very generously offered to pick up our IVF tab should we go that route. It's beyond generous. I hope we don't have to do IVF (fingers crossed for this cycle) but it's pretty amazing to know that we financially could do IVF.

So this week I haven't blogged. I haven't needed to vent. I feel like the luckiest infertile there ever was. The biggest problem in my life is my inability to have a biological child, and I'm truly doing all I can at this point. And let's face it, there are a lot worse problems one could have.

After 1.5 weeks of not working, I have almost no stress, which is a vast change. I have no worries, no fears. I have felt a tremendous amount of love and support from family and friends. I hope more than anything that this process starts to work for us but now I realize even if it takes a while longer, my quitting my job was the right answer. I'm very blessed and lucky to be in the situation I'm in. Not many 27 year old women can afford to take time off work to focus on themselves. Not many people are lucky enough to have others lend a financial helping hand. Anytime I have a bad day, I have a slew of people I can call. I am so incredibly lucky.