The pause button.

Another day has come and gone. Somehow the days can creep slowly yet the weeks and months are flying by at lighting speed.

This morning I saw Patrick during the anatomy scan. He looked perfect. I'm feeling pretty blessed that every test he's had has come back "perfect". Sometimes I feel like I'm waiting for the boom. "You mean it's really this easy to get pregnant and there are no strings attached? Everything really is going to be ok?" That plays in my mind, and I can't fully wrap my head around it. I can't fully understand how we're so lucky - even if this is how it happens for almost everyone. 

In his pictures today, he's got the same exact facial features that Hartley had in sonograms and as a newborn. It's nothing short of incredible to me.

And I'm doing wonderfully - no complaints. I'm up 6 pounds, which is on the lower side so I can gain a pound a week from here on out and be on target for a "normal" weight gain. Though I'm certainly not crying if I gain more. 

Hartley is growing up so fast. 

I am so in love with who she is and who she is becoming. I don't feel like she has my personality or Brian's for that matter. She's fearless, explorative and expressive. She seems so focused yet so fun and silly. I'm in awe of her, and sometimes say to Brian, "don't you wish you could just be her?" 

Everyday she keeps me on my toes. I'm loving being home with her and watching what each day brings. 

At the end of each day my body aches from tired and my mind gets to the point it can't think straight anymore. And it's probably the most blissful type of exhaustion that I've ever experienced. 

Every day there's dancing and babbling and walking and running. There's crying and the most fantastic sassy face that you ever did see. There is tickling and singing and laughter. And as much as I want to meet Patrick, I'm clinging to these days. Most days it feels like I'm spending my whole day with my best friend, and we're so in sync. While I know adding to our family is going to make things even more fun, this is simple and sweet. Patrick can take his time getting here. 

Every now and then I get a little overwhelmed by the drastic changes that lay ahead for us.

Then I remind myself to breathe and focus on today. 

That's the one thing that changed for me the most when I became a parent - focus on today. You'll never get it back. Watch your kid run and laugh because life will someday might not be this simple so take it in. Worry about the other crap later. 

I get that this writing is all over the map. It's how I feel lately. I'm struggling to balance excitement for the future and inexplicable need to hit "pause" on my life. 

I want to meet my baby boy but I don't want to end my time with just Hartley. And god knows pregnancy hormones don't help. Pray for my husband ;)