Double doctor visit

So today the babes had their first "double appointment". The idea of taking an energetic 2 year old and a massive 6 month old to the doctor just sounded daunting so I asked my mom to come along to help. She was a huge help during our very long appointment. She held Patrick while I kept an eye on Hartley and talked to the doctor. It was also nice to have her there because my mom spends a lot of time with Hartley so I felt she could also offer helpful input for the doctor. 

I finally requested to have a certain doctor when I made the appointment. The doctor I choose to see is my favorite at the practice - very calm, relaxed attitude but certainly not dismissive, an extremely important balance to me. She's also great with Hartley. 

I kicked off the appointment by talking to her about my concerns regarding Hartley's "language". I'm using the word language because I hadn't been able to pinpoint my concerns in one word but the doctor Hartley saw last referred to it as language development. I brought the list of words Hartley knows like they asked. She conservatively knows and can say over 150 words. 

The doctor had no concerns about her word count. She actually said certain things were advanced. She said Hartley knowing her alphabet and counting is actually something they discuss at the 3 year appointment! 

But the concerns with Hartley are her inability to respond to her name, inability to answer certain questions (not quizzing her vocabulary questions, she obviously does that well), not doing parallel play with other kids, not forming many 2-3 word phrases, not using "me/my/I/mine, and just generally not being very social (the doctor observed and said this).

The appointment took a long time so it wasn't just me answering these questions - the doctor was able to observe Hartley for herself.

She referred me to the county to have Hartley assessed. 

Now this wasn't some earth-shattering, all the dark clouds roll in type of moment. I didn't cry or freak out. But let's get real, it sucks to hear that your kid isn't doing things their peers are doing. Everyone wants their kid to be progressing normally. For me, in the past well visits were about finding out my kids' percentiles and admitting to a doctor that I suck at getting her to eat vegetables. The waiting room usually takes longer than the appointment itself, we get chik-fil-a on the way home and I post a Facebook picture saying "yay! My kid did great at the doctor!" 

I'm not used to walking out with a referral to the county because my child has an "expressive language delay". 

My personal philosophy is that everyone learns different things at different rates (not just babies -adults, too!), and I'm okay if my kid is slower in certain areas. I'm truly fine with things taking more time to develop. But with that said, I also think being proactive with her being assessed and with her learning is very important. My biggest job in life is preparing my kids for the world, and I'll do whatever I have to to build a good foundation for that. 

But, yeah, it sucks and it hurts a little. 

On to Patrick. I laughed as I wrote these last three words because I definitely thought everything was fine with Patrick. Obviously most people know that there is an issue with one of Patrick's kidneys, so I figured they'd touch on that and tell me not to over feed him because he's massive. 

He weighed 25 pounds, 10 ounces. If you know babies, you know that is huge- 99th percentile. He's 81st for height. Nothing ground-breaking there. 

Anyway, he was diagnosed with mild hypotonia, a fancy way of saying his muscle tone isn't great. He can lift his head but he tends to slump over a lot. He can't sit up on his own. His legs tend to collapse under him. It's very hard for a 6 month old baby to support so much weight. People with small babies don't know this but a giant baby is going to have trouble doing certain things because they have to support so much more weight. People love Patrick's size because its adorable but it truly is very challenging to have a baby that big, and you can't understand it unless you've had a really big baby. It's harder to carry him around and hold him out to have him use his legs. 

They recommended using a bumbo seat. His thighs literally don't fit in a bumbo seat. They recommending holding him and having him push down with his legs. They recommended using an exersaucer. I'm also going to try doing more supported sitting and tummy time for him. Brian and I are hoping this can correct itself over time with "exercise". It's such a shitty thing to hear though. Hartley definitely didn't have these issues but I think she weighed like 7 or 8 less pounds than Patrick at 6 months, which is a huge weight difference for babies only half a year old. 

My mom called a bit ago to say she felt like she wasn't sensitive enough today. She totally was though. 

The truth is, some of this makes me feel like a shit bag of a mother. It really does. It blows. But that said, I have a lot on my plate every day of my life. Falling apart or being sad aren't really luxuries I cannafford. 

So we'll move on from today, tuck it behind us. I'll try to have Patrick exercise, and I'll wait to hear back from the people who will come out to conduct the assessment. Um, major bonus points for ths being free and that they come out to your house! 

And at the end of the day, even if life isn't always perfect, I'm so thankful for my two relatively healthy children. There are far worse case scenarios, and even if this hurdle is a big one for us right now, I'm grateful it's not something worse.