I'll never forget the cold December day that I lugged Hartley in her footie pajamas to Target. I had been feeling an overwhelming exhaustion for days; it was an exhaustion I'd only experienced once before. Though it was cold, I felt a little sweaty and my stomach kept turning. I knew I couldn't be pregnant. But it was December 5th, and my last period was in October. If I were "normal", I would've been two weeks late.
I usually text Brian the most mundane updates throughout my day but I couldn't share with him that i'd just placed a few bottles of wine alongside a pregnancy test on the checkout conveyer belt. I knew he'd tell me I was ridiculous and had essentially set a ten dollar bill on fire.
But what did it hurt? Like I said, I'd only felt this way once before, and it didn't hurt to rule it out.
I got home. I plopped my not quite 10 month old baby in her highchair. I busied her with a pile of puffs and retreated to the powder room.
I laughed at myself a little as I peeled the foil off. I'm so stupid. This is so stupid. It's impossible.
But sure enough, as soon as I used the test, a half second after the control line popped up - the test line unmistakably filled in pink.
I couldn't even process what had just happened. I'm quite sure I said, "What the?!?!" out loud.
I called Brian, and I gave him the shock of his life. He kept tripping over his words, alternating asking me "what?" and "how?"
I often look back on how Patrick came to be and think about how he was the thing in this world that I never knew how much I needed until he got here. God knew. It's hokie but I truly believe he had a plan for us. Patrick was so meant to be a part of our family. He was so meant to be on this earth. He is a wonderful miracle. How lucky we are to have TWO miracle babies.
I always worried how I would juggle two young children. And truth be told, I sometimes suck at it, and I struggle. It's actually very hard to try to divide my attention evenly and feel like I'm doing all I can for both of them all the time.
I worried how I would be as a boy mom. If you know me you know I couldn't give two shits about sports. I know, sacrilege, right? But I just don't. So I worried if it meant that I'd have nothing in common with Patrick. Spoiler alert: it definitely didn't. I've actually surprised myself with how excited I am to learn about dinosaurs and trucks with him - and I guess maybe even some sports stuff, too ;)
But when Patrick entered this world, I actually felt it. That instantaneous love they tell you about. I honestly didn't feel that right away with Hartley. But Patrick, the very first time I held him was one of the most euphoric and wonderful moments of my life.
He has been such a joyful, sweet baby. His disposition is absolutely amazing. He's easy going and happy. He loves to laugh, be silly and explore. He adores and looks up to Hartley, even though she bosses him around something fierce.
He's bright; you can always see the wheels turning. He's ridiculously strong. I'm talking you have to have some serious skills and muscles to wrangle that child. He's sweet. When he can stop moving for a few seconds, he's quick to cuddle. He's a social guy; he loves people, especially other babies.
His perfect red hair and giant baby body get all sorts of compliments from strangers.
I often feel bad because I don't come on here and chronicle his babyhood the same as I did with Hartley. I kind of wish I did but the truth is, whenever I do have time to myself, I'm usually too pooped to prattle off about what toys or books he's loving. I feel lucky that I've gotten to live everyday of it with him though. I've gotten to be there for all of it; I just haven't written it down. Hopefully he'll forgive me of that.
Patrick Frank,
You are the most perfect little boy, far better than I could've ever imagined. I hope you keep your amazing attitude and sweet personality always. With it, I know you will go very far and do amazing things. I love you so much, and I thank God for bringing you into my life. You will always be my very best surprise.
Editor's note: I wrote this on his birthday but I didn't love it so I postponed posting hoping my writing vibes would get better. They didn't. And we've since been to the dr and learned a Patrick stat to include. He's 30 lbs, 5 ounces - bigger than Hartley. He is 99.97 percentile for both height and weight. Brian's NBA dreams are still alive ;)
No comments:
Post a Comment