The Last Day of 30.

I think whenever birthdays roll around I have a tendency to reflect - on my life, the past year, etc. 

When I hit 30 last year, I felt anxious, uncertain and uneasy. I was 8 months pregnant with Patrick, and I couldn't keep up with my very active toddler. I felt so much self doubt about my ability to care for and juggle a newborn and a 1 year old. I wasn't entirely loving my choice to be a stay at home mom, and I was wondering if I was missing out because I didn't have a "real career". We were outgrowing our townhouse but I was terrified to move. I was disappointed in myself, honestly. I kind of felt like I was just this boring stay at home mom. 

And the truth is, I don't look back at that milestone birthday very fondly. I actually feel kind of bad for that woman who was holding herself to these high standards of what she was supposed to be just because the calendar had hit a certain date.

31, however, I feel very proud of myself. This past year, I gave birth to my son. I learned how to be a mom to two children under the age of two. Brian traveled a lot last fall, and I learned just how much I could do all on my own! We underwent the process of selling, buying and moving with an infant, toddler and dog - and around Christmas. And since Brian's work was insanely busy, I actually was an extremely active participant in taking care of all the move things. 

Weeks after the move, Hartley turned two, and my job as a mom got a little more complex. I learned about some oddities in her development, and I took on an advocacy role and started to learn therapy exercises to help her. I actually did the same for Patrick for a gross motor delay; though his issues concern us far less, honestly. I did my first mommy and me class with Hartley in the spring; we took ballet. And it was quite humbling to be the mom of "the quirky kid" ;) A great lesson in patience. I also started volunteering for The American Cancer Society through a program called Look Good, Feel Better. I actually have grown to love being a stay at home mom. I can't imagine doing anything else right now but my volunteering has reminded me that I do have skills outside of my domestic skill set. 

Don't get me wrong, I still have some bad days. I didn't magically become some perfect, enlightened being over this past year. But I'm going into 31 feeling really good. I'm proud of this past year, I'm more confident, and I'm hopeful that the year ahead will be a great one. 

I always joke about my age. I high five people who card me and I thank people who opt to call me "miss" instead of "ma'am". But I truly would not trade where I am in life for anything. 

Cheers to the last day of 30!