Getting the baptism ball rolling...

That's right, the decision has been made.

I first called the closest Catholic Church to us. It's in a very uppity area. They were.... errrr... as welcoming as a very conservative Catholic Church in a wealthy spot could be? But the lady was nice enough to give me the low down on other churches in the area. She told me about one about 15 minutes from us that has lots of young families and has a more relaxed feel. So I decided to have Brian and I go to mass to try it out last Sunday.

I really liked it. It was very welcoming. They even had an altar girl (1st time I've seen that in a catholic church!) and laminated "follow along with mass" guide in the pews. The homily was great; it was very digestible and a wonderful message about not judging. 

I met with a woman from the church today, and we sat and talked for about an hour. She talked to me about having our marriage validated by the church. She talked to me about having Hartley baptized. She talked to me about the young mother's group; they do moms night out, play groups and bible study. She introduced me to the person who organizes the young adult activities. She was a very sweet lady who put me at ease and was genuinely thrilled to be welcoming us to her church.

So Brian and I are officially members. We are registered for baptism class next Thursday. And I'm hoping the community feel she advertised so well will be a great way of meeting some  young moms with babies in the area.

I was so nervous about this whole thing. I haven't regularly attended church in 10 years! Obviously, we didn't get married in a church. I felt like I was going to walk in the church with my six month belly asking to baptize my baby, and they would laugh in my face. 

Instead they told us all our options. If Brian wanted to complete his sacraments, they would welcome him to but would not pressure him to. They told me I was welcome to come to their "welcome back Catholics" class if I wanted but again, no pressure. They said because neither of us have been divorced and we have been married for a while, that having our marriage validated would be "easy". I need to set up a meeting with the priest, and we'll be required to show our marriage license and baptism certificates and fill out paperwork. Then we'll set something up to actually be married. Kind of funny. Apparently people do this though and they'll even schedule their church ceremony on their wedding anniversary to remember both.

Miss Hartley's baptism sounds like a piece of cake - only 1 class! We need to discuss godparents. One has to be a practicing Catholic. The other could just be a good Christian but needs to be the opposite gender of the Catholic godparent. 

Feels so strange to me that I'm doing all this. I'm going to be the mom dragging her kid to church instead of the kid being dragged! Before I left for the meeting, I looked at myself in the mirror thinking I looked like a girl who got herself in to a little trouble (then shoved my wedding ring on to my fat ass finger... snug as can be). Now I'm reading my church bulletin and looking at baptismal gowns for my daughter, feeling so grown up. And kind of wondering how that happened. 

Technically the last day of the 2nd trimester.

So I'm counting the 27 week mark (Thursday) as the first day of the third trimester. But if you're a math geek and can figure out how to divide 40 weeks into thirds, you might call tomorrow (26 weeks, 5 days) the beginning of the third trimester.

It has gone so fast; it's truly scary. I feel like I'll blink and be in labor and blink and she'll be graduating. 

People told us, "now that you're pregnant, you'll see how long the 9 month wait is." We'll, we're not at 9 months yet but 6 months flew. Trying to conceive dragged. We didn't know if we'd have a 2011 baby or never get one at all. Once I had that February 2014 to look forward to, everything went crazy fast. 

And little things happen these days that just make it hit me even more. Seeing my baby shower invitation. Watching gifts be purchased off the registry and visitors sign the virtual guest book. I met my friends' gorgeous 6 day old daughter yesterday and when I held her I couldn't stop thinking that I'd be holding my own daughter in only a few months. I've never held a new baby knowing that I'd be getting one!

I had Brian take a fall, 6 month bump picture of me. Every month from here out gets a picture. And we're incorporating my belly in our Christmas card photo. 

Some outfits I think I look huge; some outfits I feel like I still just have a beer gut look. Today's scale reading said I'm up 6 pounds but I feel like its got to be more than that! I've been eating... And eating.

Brian and I were at Target and he just started scooping all these sweet baby girl clothes off the clearance rack. I thought that would be me, and Brian would be dragging his feet. But here's my manly husband surrounded by purple leggings and pink polka dot onesies, just going to town picking out things for Hartley. It completely fills every corner of my heart with love for him and our growing little girl. 

He still hasn't gotten to feel her kick :( It makes me a little sad because here's my guy, reading baby books, regurgitating the facts he's learning, and picking out baby girl clothes, and in true crane style, he has to wait longer than other men. Come on, Miss Hart! Your dad is watching dads and their daughters when we're out for walks and idealizing all the activities you two are going to do together, and you're holding out! 

Brian was watching his friend Colin hold his little girl on Sunday. He said he was watching to learn the best way to hold the baby. He talked about how he loved watching the baby's face, how her expressions were so sweet. He's morphing into a dad.

I'm morphing into a mom but also getting nervous for labor. Getting nervous for what happens to your body afterward and keeping Hartley alive! But I'll soak in the holidays and the baby shower, and worry about that stuff in January :)

The baby is about 80-90% viable (but like I always say, we're not trying out that statistic). Now girlie's organs need to keep maturing and starting to get a little practice. She needs to pack on those pounds. But she's only 10 weeks and 3 days from being full term! Wowza. 

Bring it in third tri! I've heard you're a beast but I'm ready for you!

26 weeks.

So I'm 26 weeks.

I think I'm up about 6 pounds. I don't get on the scale everyday because the gaining is still a little weird for me.

I'm wearing maternity clothes and sleeping in Brian's t-shirts.

I'm sporting stretch marks.

I miss alcohol. Yep, I now am counting down to having some wine after I pop out the little one.

As far as movement goes, she's getting stronger. She seems to be most active in the middle of the night. I'm really hoping this is the week Brian gets to feel her. We are way behind the curve on that one, and I feel bad that he hasn't gotten that experience yet :(

I crave nothing. My appetite isn't great. I force food in and feel queasy. But it's important to eat.

I'm showing. Whenever people haven't seen me in a bit they say, "whoa, you look pregnant!" And I love it.

The rings are off. Belly button is in.

I am almost always happy lately. Though I had an off day last week, and Brian didn't know how to deal with it. (I'm actually learning that my mood swings, whether they are PMS or pregnancy are mild compared to most women, and my husband is not used to them at all)

I'm looking forward to my hubby coming home tonight! I will say pregnancy has made time apart much worse.

So today is Halloween. I am exhausted. Brian being out of town has drastically affected my sleep. 

I can't wait for him to come home tonight. I don't know why but this trip has really affected me. It's silly. He's been traveling a handful of times a year for the past 6.5 years, so obviously the entirety of our marriage. He used to work so late that there weekdays where I just didn't see him. A 5 day trip to FL is not new to me at all - he's traveled longer and to foreign countries. But apparently my hormones have made me paranoid. I'm always worried that something bad will happen if he's not here. Plus, after our extremely lucky October (no preeclampsia, baby looking so perfect, no gestational diabetes, another awesome raise and spectacular bonus for Brian), there's a part of me that's waiting for someone to lower the boom. Such a terrible attitude. 

 

I have a feeling someday Hart and I are going to love when B is out of town: pedicures, shopping, going out to eat. But through pregnancy and baby time, I will dread it.

Besides that, things have been pretty perfect. I met some of the neighborhood moms and met the sweetest babysitter and got her number. The nursery is looking gorgeous. Hartley's bathroom is coming along. I got to go on some girl dates while Brian was gone. I went shopping and bought some comfy granny panties - all about comfort lately. Weather is perfect. Everyone around me is at peace. Life is good.

Happy Halloween!

Pregnancy advice at 25 weeks, 6 days.

As the second trimester winds down, I feel like I've learned a lot and wish I had known some things from day one. I hope not to become the mom who always has to give her two cents to pregnant women but I'm writing these out in case anyone wants the advice.

1. BE pregnant.

This was hard for me in the beginning. And some women will discourage you from this (why?). But read the pregnancy books - cover to cover. Document with pictures and/or a blog or journal. Brainstorm nursery ideas. Buy and read baby books. Buy the baby a few early treats even before you know the gender. Daydream about the baby. Pick out names. Don't let people make you feel like you're not pregnant because you're not sporting an 8 month belly or because they think you're still in "the danger zone". If you're 12 weeks and your pants feel tight, buy yourself some maternity clothes; you'll need them eventually anyway! It's good to be realistic and cautious but don't miss out on this very special time. You only have your first baby once, so do some of the cliche things and enjoy them.

2. Be wary of what you share.

If you and your girlfriends can talk about everything in a judgement free zone, share away! If you know some of the people in your life can be critical, filter the information you disclose, unless you're ready to get their two cents. It is incredible how some women will pass judgement. I've actually been told I'm too relaxed AND that I'm too anxious. If you don't give people much to work with, they can't be as overbearing. So choose the safe people to share with and the people you need to selectively disclose to. 

3. Make it two against the world.

My husband and I learned this lesson very early in our marriage. Dr.Phil will tell you if there's ever drama or controversy, remember that you and your partner are always on the same team. It's the two of you versus everyone else, always and forever. This baby is the baby of two people: you and your partner. When you make decisions, you make them together. Then whatever you come up with is the plan. No one else is a part of your partnership; no one else gets to make the decisions with you. Brian and I picked our little girl's name and made the decision to use cloth diapers - and no one else gets any say. We discussed the birth plan. We discussed how many kids we want to have.

If my mom picked our baby's name she would've picked Carryl. If my mother in law picked where we lived, she'd pick McLean. They'd both pick for us to use disposable diapers. But at a point in time, mom's opinion takes a back burner to the decision of the husband and wife. And someday it will come full circle, and I'll have to let Hartley make those decisions and support her as best I can.

4. Ask questions.

When something seems off, ask your doctor. It's what you are paying them for!  Some women will say "you ask a lot of questions". Just remember, they are not your best advocate. You are! The person who cares about your well being and the baby's well being the most is YOU. So look out for yourself. If something feels wrong, it might be, so ask. You lose nothing by being careful. 

People have shared with me their opinions about my excess amount of ultrasounds - none of these people did IVF. Remember, you know your situation best. You hear what medical professionals tell you, trust them more than the two cents of Joe Schmo.

5. Rest. Drink water. Eat. Follow the rules as much as you want or can. Kick up your feet and let others do the heavy lifting. Walk or exercise when you want.

Follow what the doc says. Follow what your body tells you. Don't be a hero. If you have a heavy ass vacuum like mine, ask you husband to carry it upstairs for you. If your laundry basket is heavy and the two flights of stairs are too much to carry it up and down, ask for help. Remember, you are growing a human and then pushing it out of your vagina, he isn't. Let him lift. If you overly exhausted, cancel on an activity. If you're sick, stay in bed with your bucket all day. Don't fight being pregnant because you are. So take care of yourself and your baby. This is 9 months where people can and should help you. 

I wish I read this list 26 weeks ago. The summary is to be safe and confident. To savor what you can and take a time out when you need it. 

And I'm 6 days away from being 2/3 done. Tomorrow baby is 80-90% viable. Wahoo! 

eating fest 2013.

So I went to the doctor today. My tests came back great! Because things have fluctuated out of normal, I should just be mindful and listen to my body. If something's wrong, the right thing to do is call them.

But what a relief.

Well, that was a relief. 

I'm not overly stressed because I have a full plan of how to make up for this next part. I haven't gained enough weight. To be completely honest, I KNOW this. I knew it from quite a bit earlier.

But all these women told me, "oh how lucky are you? You look so great," "You're going to have nothing to lose after the baby!" (Which I was thinking was stellar for my sister's wedding next year) And my favorite, "oh I was the same way and it ALL came later."

So here I am - well knowing that I haven't gained what I was supposed to - but justifying it because other people did. When the doctor started with, "we have something we need to talk about", I wasn't entirely surprised. She asked what was going on, curious if I had been trying not to gain. 

I hadn't been dieting purposely but I just don't eat as much as I used to. Food often smells and doesn't appeal to me. I feel like drinking an ensure for lunch satisfies me. And I do think when you're pregnant you don't want to become a cow so you don't feel like eating extra calories.

The doctor told me I'm not a big enough person to be gaining less weight during pregnancy. She told me it's essential for Hartley's brain development for me to eat lots of protein and gain weight. She told me studies show the healthiest babies have moms that gain the recommended 25 pounds. She told me the women who say it all comes later were probably up more than 5 pounds at almost 25 weeks. I'm literally 2 weeks away from the third trimester with a 5 pound gain, and it's nothing to be proud of.

I really didn't do this intentionally. And I do want Hartley to develop a normal, healthy body so I'm getting serious from here on out. So I went to the store and bought hard boiled eggs, cheese and nuts. I'm going to eat my six meals a day. I hope I can make things right starting today :)

I hope I get as big as a house. And I'll just tack this weight on to the amount I already wanted to lose post baby. Since I currently plan on only having 1 kid, I'm just going to healthily lose my baby weight (plus some) after all of this and hopefully maintain it so our little girl always has a healthy mom.

I also hope to be a good example for Hartley. I completely admit that I haven't always had a very healthy attitude towards weight. And it will probably be a reoccurring struggle throughout my life but I need to clean up my act so my little girl doesn't think that's the way it should be. 

Updates

So I will first start with my wonderful news - totally selfish it has to do with me and not baby! My blood pressure is back down into the normal range - 120/73. Perfect. 

Even though I did my fair share of worrying over the weekend, I relaxed a lot and we spent the weekend just the two of us (never ever happens). We ate less sodium. Yummy chicken marinaded in fresh lemon juice and veggies cooked in olive oil. No seasonings. And when I was home, I was mainly lounging on the couch or in bed. Apparently that really works for lowering blood pressure. So now I know I need to be careful.

I still had protein in my pee today. But it was the same amount as Thursday so things aren't getting worse. From what I understand, elevated blood pressure causes your blood vessels in your kidneys to weaken and leak protein in your urine. 

So I did the 24 hour urine test. It was annoying but hilarious. All my pee over 24 hours had to be stored in a jug in our fridge. Brian was oddly obsessed with the whole thing and would ask me how many ounces I peed and how full the jug was. I also heard his "I just had a swig of this lemonade in the fridge and it was delicious" joke a thousand times. I was so relieved (no pun intended) when I dropped a giant jug of urine at the office, and there was no one in the waiting room.

I get all my test results tomorrow. I'm thinking because my blood pressure is down everything will be great. It was a good wake up call that I need to get more strict with things. A lot of people might think sodium intake means I put a lot of salt on my foods or I only eat fried food but sodium is a sneaky little bitch that is in almost everything. I laugh in my head when people say they are eating lean cuisines to be healthy. Ever wonder how very cheap frozen still tastes good? Salt to the max. Those things will kill you. And basically everything you get at a restaurant is full of salt.

And unfortunately preeclampsia runs in my family. And it's more popular in first time pregnancies. And IVF drastically increases your risk (hence the reason I take aspirin every day). IVF, while wonderful, is also a bit of a tricky bitch. 

The sonogram tech reminded me today that because I'm an IVF pregnancy that they'll be watching me closely. I guess it's a good thing but it does sometimes scare me when they remind me of increased risks. 

But Hartley looked beautiful in the sonogram. She is definitely a girl. The tech pointed out her girl parts to me, and I actually could decipher what I saw! Her heart rate is perfect. She's measuring exactly on schedule and weighs an estimated 1 pound, 9 oz. She was laying oblique with her little ankles crossed. She did not want to move much for the tech. I totally get it. My bladder is full and this woman is poking into my tummy. I didn't find it comfortable so I doubt Hart did. Brian and I let out an "awwwwww" is unison when we saw her little face. So amazing. 

We are both thrilled and a tad nervous (ok I'm nervous, he's not) that this new member is joining us in 3.5 months. It's getting really close. So we're back to reading baby books. Brian hung some of the wall art I made. I bought girlie curtains today, and Brian will hang them tonight.

I should be researching pediatricians and registering for childbirth class....

But writing this was more fun.

The pee jug.

So the past week or so I've felt quite "off". I decided not to blog about it or tell anyone. Just figured I'd suck it up. I'd wake up and my legs would be numb. I'd wake up with god awful headaches. I've been sleeping a lot more. And my brain is always foggy and confused. Oh and VERY emotional. When Brian and I were in the car Sunday, I had an episode of seeing glittery flecks but it only lasted 5 minutes. Today I woke up just wanting to still be asleep. I took my aspirin, my vitamins, and a Tylenol. Later I took a Zofran. Not even 2 minutes after the Zofran I started vomiting and it just kept coming. I texted Brian that something wasn't right. This is not normal. I asked if he could come home - I was dizzy, sweaty and puking. Heart pounding. Head so confused. He couldn't. And I didn't REALLY need him to but the whole thing is unsettling sometimes. Seriously screw the lucky women who call being queasy "morning sickness". Morning sickness is puking out your food until you start throwing up bile. Your eyes water - half from puking, half tears - and you swear you'll never ever spawn a child for the rest of your existence.

Well, at first I told myself, it's got to be the flu. My body aches and I'm throwing up = flu. Then I decided to be safe I'd go to giant to check my blood pressure. I went and there was this sweet older lady sitting next to the machine. It awkwardly talks the directions to you super loudly so I apologized to her for the noise. We made some small talk. The cuff read my blood pressure then dinged a little as "AT RISK" showed up on the screen. The woman asked if it was ok, and I told her it was. Sweet old lady caring about this random pregnant lady in the grocery store.

I texted Brian that I'd get groceries. Then I stopped and thought, "page, it's okay to call the doctor. Just call them so they can tell you it's just first time mom silliness." (I had this same voice tell me to call a doctor when I stopped getting my periods. I can't even think where I'd be had I never made that call.) 

I called the doctor and explained my week to them. Highlighting today's throw up fest. They told me to come in immediately. So I did. My blood pressure was elevated. There was protein in my pee. But the only thing not pointing to preeclampsia is how I look. I don't look sick.

They ran blood work to make sure it's nothing serious. They'll call about that tomorrow. I know it'll be fine - I'm not thinking it's affecting my liver. But the fun part is I get to pee in to a jug for 24 hours over the weekend and go in Monday to have my urine checked again and my blood checked again. 

I'm not terribly afraid of preeclampsia. If I don't have it yet, I'm guessing I will probably develop it since the tests lean that way. My mom had it. The scary thing is - it's too early in my pregnancy. At 30+ weeks they can deliver the baby early. This is just really too early. My mom was on bed rest so if it comes to that, that's fine. I just want baby and I to make it longer and be safe and healthy. 

I told Brian today, never again am I doing pregnancy. I never quite get to be that lucky woman who had an easy go of this child making process. And feeling as lousy as I do today, I can't wait for it to be over.

Hartley,

They tell me you're doing great in there. I'll do whatever they end up telling me to make sure you get here safely. If that's to lay in bed and eat carbs then I'll do it ;)