Mama's girl.

So it's been a while since I've been on here. Life has been busy. Between the daily going ons, play dates and Hartley's baptism, there hasn't been much time to sit down and write. I'll do a baptism entry soon. Though it can be summarized as ceremony good, reception bad in terms of Hartley. 

And I've had a million ideas for entries. A million things I need to get out of my brain and onto this journal. 

But I'm starting with the thing I half love, half am terrified of. 

Hartley is becoming a total mama's girl. She wants her mom. She wants her now. She wants her all day. And quite frankly, most of the time, no one else will do. 

There is a part of me that loves it. It strokes the ego. And it makes me feel like she really loves me. I honestly feel like we are two peas in a pod, and I love our daily mother daughter lovefest.

But part of me is freaked out about it. Will I never get a chance to shower again? How will I ever leave her with a baby sitter? And the worst - when I pass her off to someone and she starts to cry, I instantly feel terrible for that person. I don't want them to think my baby doesn't love them or that they are bad with her. She is just a total mama's girl.

I used to take baths when Brian came home from work but I don't even try that anymore as they would always be interrupted with Hartley shrieking and then me running downstairs in a towel to get her. He would feel awful. I would feel awful. And I'd be sitting there explaining to him that of course Hartley loves her dad, she's just with me everyday, all day, and it's made me the person with which she's most familiar. 

Hartley is a happy baby when it's just she and I, in our own little world. She almost never cries. She just smiles and snuggles... and I could swear it even sounds like she laughs. 

But add other people to the mix, and she's not nuts about it.

I know people will say I have created or am creating a monster. But I'm not. I'm doing what comes naturally to us, I'm taking her cues. And it seems to be her personality. According to my mom, I was the exact same way. My twin brother could be held by anyone. They used to quip he should be a politician because he was such a baby flirt. And I was a screamer who only wanted my mama. Apparently my shriek was way worse than Hartley's. 

I think it's pretty crazy how much Hartley takes after me. My little mini me. Like I've said, half of me loves it. I totally get her. I feel like we are crazy in sync. I just want her to be a little more flexible and easy going for others so they get to know the sweet baby I know. 

Oh, and my baby and large groups of people? Shoot me in the face, it's awful. The whole giant first birthday thing that everyone around here does? Fuck no. Immediate families. Boom. Done.