The Mama.

So I plan on getting back on here and writing a lot more as I master "my new normal". And there's so much I want to say about the last 5+ weeks. But I thought about something I wanted to share with the world that I don't see on baby blogs:"mama" entries. Babies are amazing. I am so in love with mine. But I think women have the tendency to put themselves on the back burner - and that goes for life in general. We don't always talk about new motherhood as much as we talk about adorable babies and all the things they do.

I want to share what I've learned about your body after childbirth, your marriage after baby, and what to do to keep yourself sane.

Obviously, I'm no expert. BUT I'm 5 weeks in so I remember all this better than most. Though props to my own mom for remembering the crap that comes after childbirth (and that can be taken quite literally). 

So here's the deal.

Childbirth: a lot of women go through it and come out the other side and will do it again... And again. And they will tell you about how lovely their baby's birth was and how magical the newborn stage is. These women usually fall into these categories:

A. Has had decades to forget

B. Wants to sound like a trooper/super mom

C. All of the above

Childbirth is not God awful to the point you to only be willing to do it once. So let's be clear on that. Future mamas: you will be awesome. You will be a beast. And you will be proud of yourself and love the reward. 

Now, here is where I tell you the other stuff. And this is stuff following my experience: roughly 19 hours of labor that concluded in a vaginal birth where I had a 2nd degree tear. I am phrasing the entry as if you will experience what I did but obviously, this is not entirely the case as this varies from person to person. 

First off, when your baby is born she is not beautifully clean and placed right in your arms. You don't have that new mother glow instantly. And the "you beam at your baby and it's the world greatest photo op" moment? That is a myth (at least after 19 hours of labor it wasn't my truth). It seems to be better staged for mothers  who have had c sections though. After Hartley was born, they placed her on my chest... for 5 seconds, and I hardly saw her. They took her quickly to warm her, suction out her nose and things, and clean her off. Brian followed the baby (wouldn't have had that any other way). I called across the room to him to ask what she looked like and how big she was. I also called over to my mom (who was in the room when I delivered, helping coach me) to come hold my hand. She held my hand while I delivered the placenta and when they pushed down on my abdomen to squeeze out "extra stuff/blood". She also held my hand as they sewed up my tear. I felt and saw the thread. It was disgusting and uncomfortable. 

They wedge a giant maxi pad in between your legs and a nurse will walk you to go to the bathroom. Ok, there's lots and lots of blood. It will be upsetting for you to see how much blood is coming out of you. Just expect that and know there's a nurse right there with you. And get used to nurses helping you with some gross stuff. Another nurse had me sit on the toilet while she taught me how to build a "hiney hoagie". This is a giant maxi pad with an ice pack on top, then a layer of tucks pads topped with vaginal numbing spray. We added some very special cream to the mix for my horrible hemorrhoids that everyone in the delivery room noticed because you couldn't avoid noticing them.

Ok, that's all immediately after. Here's a random list of stuff about the first few weeks.

- Expect blood. They say you can bleed for 6-8 weeks. I got lucky. I only bled for 4 weeks, and this is because Hartley is formula fed. There is a huge difference between women who formula feed and women who breastfeed. Breastfeeding causes contractions which pushes blood out. It's why after breastfeeding you often notice blood gushes out. Totally normal. Also, getting up from sitting will cause blood to gush. I dripped blood all over the hospital floor walking to the bathroom, and I couldn't bend over to clean it up. Husbands, this is why you'll want to get used to blood, too.

- You will be terrified of your first shit post birth. Ok, this may be because I tore but almost all women I've asked, even c section mamas, agree. My mom made me a batch of bran muffins and put them in my freezer. This is an amazing gift for a new mom. Pair it will a bottle of cranberry juice and a bottle of prune juice, and you are nominated for sainthood in my book. The first several weeks I lived on this and raisin bran. You are recovering so you are relatively sedentary, which is not kind to bowels, so load up on fiber; you do not want to strain. My mom also brought me fiber one cereal and prunes.

- You will cry. And often you'll cry for no reason. I tried watching a lot of funny movies, and it helped as much as it could. Husbands, family and friends can help by listening and being reassuring. And if there are people who aren't helpful to have around when you're emotional, it's ok to say "no" to visits. Have your husband deal with this. Because let's get real, we all have those people.

- There is a reason sleep deprivation is a torture tactic. You will be exhausted. It will fuck with your head. It will make you dizzy, cranky and forgetful. Brian and I both got about 2-3 hours of sleep per night for at least the first week. If someone asks you how sleep is, try not to punch them in the face. Stupidest question ever. It took us a few weeks to come up with a good schedule so now we sleep. Try to come up with a way of taking turns IF possible. Because we formula feed we are able to do this, and it has saved me from spiraling into depression.

- Limit using the stairs. It will help you heal. Stairs and walking about killed my vagina for a few weeks. 

- What no one ever tells you is recovery is tough. See, if you have surgery, you get to be a bump on a log and recover, right? After childbirth, you don't get that luxury as you are caring for a new baby. Try your hardest (and it is hard) to rest and relax. One night I asked Brian to take Hartley for a six hour stint so I could rest. It was too hard for me to let him take her so I took a Benadryl to knock myself out so no emotions could keep me up. It was a lifesaver. After a long day with her, he still does this for me.

- It hurts to pee. I called my doctor when Hartley was 12 days old, crying about how it hurt to pee. Went in, got examined, and they said everything looked great. They said the catheter I had for 20 hours was going to make it hurt to pee... For several weeks. Uh, they will right. 3 weeks - it hurt.

- Night sweats. Chills. Take your temperature to make sure you don't have an infection, otherwise, I was told these were relatively normal.

- I breastfed for 3 weeks. That was sore nipples, to the point it hurt when water in the shower hit them. Lanolin oil works. Also, you will leak. Have nursing pads ready. And watch for signs of becoming engorged. Because engorgement hurts like a bitch. 

Fun fact: my doctor told me the longer a woman's labor, the worse her recovery is. She told me I would take a long time to heal. In my case, my body felt 90% at 3 weeks. And somewhere in the last week, I started to feel wonderful. It is different for all women but if I choose to have another baby, I would expect to feel awful for 3 weeks and "unwell" up to 5 weeks. You just don't know this as a first time mom.

And so concludes the first installment of my "mama series". The others won't be nearly as gross, and they will be more upbeat. But this was the physical aftermath of delivering little H. So future mamas, my advice:

1. Buy lots of huge cotton undies that you don't mind tossing out. Hanes at target, 2 sizes above what you normally wear.

2. Have stocks of maxi pads and nursing pads at home waiting or you.

3. Must have prune juice and bran muffins ready!

4. Have your husband read about postpartum hormones. Communicate to him what you need. 

And when everything seems awful, because there will be days that feel awful, remember its temporary. Weeks will go by, and everything will hurt less. Sleep will get better. Just do whatever you can to make it through each day, and it's another one under your belt!