20 weeks

How far along? 20 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: 2 pounds (doctor's scale said 3 on Tuesday but I had to drink 48 oz. of water for that appointment so I'm thinking there might have been a water pound)

Maternity clothes? only things that aren't maternity are certain t-shirts, yoga pants and sweatshirts

Stretch marks? yep. 

Best moment this week: seeing the peanut! Baby has some sweet facial features and fingers and toes!

Miss Anything? Sleeping on my stomach. Alcohol. Finally missing alcohol.

Movement: No kicks. Every now and then I think there might be a twitch but everyone says you'll know it when you feel it - and I'm not there yet.

Food cravings: No notable cravings. 

Anything making you queasy or sick: pleased to announce that I didn't throw up at all this week! First week in 3 months that I have not thrown up! My stomach feels queasy but nothing horrible.

Have you started to show yet: Yep but still going gradually. Yay for my body just being a champion at not getting too big too fast.

Gender: the doctor and the cake baker know! We'll find out in 10 days.
Belly Button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? On but getting a little tighter.

Happy or Moody most of the time: Moody. Trying to pull myself out of this funk but currently not loving pregnancy! Convincing myself 20 more weeks is nothing!

Looking forward to: THE GENDER REVEAL! Did you even have to ask? 10 days until mama knows the gender of her occupant! Almost shopping time!!!

It's funny, as the morning sickness exits, the moodiness/uncertainty/tears have entered. I was also feeling extreme tiredness and got an answer: low iron issue. So I'm thinking at least that is on the way out!

I want to be very candid and very honest, I've been experiencing feelings that other woman say they didn't feel. It's a little unsettling. If I don't love pregnancy, am I not meant to be a mom? I wish other women could admit if they had this feeling. I have only had 1 honest person tell me they didn't love pregnancy. Props to us for being real women. 

Apparently, every other woman was a straight up goddess for 9 months. Lucky bitches! But it reaffirms my thoughts of only having one kid. 

I guess, there's something unwomanly about me. I didn't need a wedding. I wanted a marriage. I don't need a glowing pregnancy. I want a child. So pregnancy isn't really my bag. Though I am making sure I try to do everything I can to not have any regrets!

As I wrote earlier this week, I am SO HAPPY the second half of my pregnancy falls during my favorite time of year. Plenty of distractions. Hopefully this is the last Christmas where I'm not allowed to drink! Last Christmas was post IUI so I couldn't drink then either!!

I want baby to continue to bake and grow, but good lord, I can't wait to just meet him or her! Pregnancy is going pretty quickly but the road to baby has been so long. 

Baby Crane, as much as mama isn't loving being a mess, she can not wait to meet you. Seeing you during the ultrasound was the highlight of mom and dad's week! We think you look so cute in there, can't wait to see you on the outside in 20 weeks!

Anatomy Scan & Doctor's Visit

So today I'm 19 weeks, 5 days, and baby is looking good. It is measuring a little behind but not to the point of concern. It is measuring about a week behind, and 2 weeks behind is when the doctors step in to help. Maybe baby will just be a little peanut like it's mama! It has a sweet button nose. It loves to curl up and snuggle in casa de mama. It's currently breech, but that really means nothing at this point as it will likely turn itself around eventually.

The big development is that they were able to determine the baby's gender. They wrote it on a piece of paper, and it's been dropped in the mail for the baker. Very, very tough for me not to find out right then and there but Brian handled the envelope and kept me away from it.

The less fun part of the appointment was that my blood pressure was a little high. They were a little concerned with the high blood pressure coupled with the tiredness I was describing so they did some blood work to figure out what's going on. I should know more tomorrow. I'm not overly worried. But my mom had pre eclampsia so it is a little fear of mine. However, we also discussed the low energy might be an iron issue so the blood work will check for that, too.

I'm going to spend the day relaxing (my new theme since my energy magically disappeared). I also need to figure out a way not to let people bother me while I'm pregnant. Because when my blood pressure read high, my first thought was, "damn all the people who cause me stress, can't they just resume that role post-baby?!"

If the high blood pressure becomes a pattern or worsens, I guess I'll need to find a better way to deal with my stress. Brian and I had talked abut no longer disclosing any information for the remainder of pregnancy and that sounds kind of nice. We can experience the pregnancy without getting other people's thoughts. And we talked about sitting certain things out if they will cause me any stress.

The funny thing about my pregnancy is that Brian and I don't worry. We're not anxious. We have been through a lot so we know how to deal with things a lot more stressful than a pregnancy. But the minute you factor the voices of others in, you get all sorts of stress.

So in summary: healthy little peanut. Going the small route like it's mom (score for baby wanting to be like me!). And a mama with the blood pressure to prove some of the stresses she's been experiencing.

Thoughts as I finish up the first half!

I can't believe my pregnancy is almost halfway done. I'm a mere 3 days from that 20 week mark, and I'm so happy that time seems to be moving relatively quickly.

This second half of my pregnancy is going to be pretty damn awesome. And can I just give a big shout out to God for making my pregnancy timing be ridiculously awesome.

The air is getting cooler, and the humidity has disappeared (knock on wood). I am now putting out my pumpkin soaps and air freshers and welcoming fall. 

Fall will include our Gender Reveal Party, Halloween, my couples baby shower, and Thanksgiving. When December comes around we'll have another shower, and Brian will likely take a week off for Christmas like he always does. I'll allow myself a glass of champagne at new years to ring in our baby's birth year. When January comes, there will likely be another shower. Yes, it's sounding like 3 showers if you've been counting. We'll be in hibernation mode for the month leading up to baby: snuggled while the winter weather urges us not to do much else.

And in February we'll welcome our little one. Brian gets two weeks of paternity leave so I'm thinking we might even have a whole Valentine's day together next year with our very own little cherub. 

 

I feel very blessed the second half of my pregnancy falls at such a magical time of year. We're getting a real Christmas tree again this year from Sexton's, which will be a family tradition as long as they are in business. I'll get a picture of me and my giant bump in front of the tree knowing it'll be the last without baby.

I have never thought much of how perfect a February baby is but it really is wonderful. Spring will even fall at the perfect time for baby's first outings. 

I'm counting down to the first event that will get this series of events rolling, the gender reveal, now only 13 days away! I am truly hoping for just a happy healthy baby but I can't even contain my eagerness to learn more about our baby. I want to be a nutty mom and get a stocking from Pottery Barn that matches the ones Brian and I have from there, with the name embroidered as soon as I know the gender! But I will refrain. 

Here's to daydreaming of decorating the nursery, buying teeny boy or teeny girl clothes, and enjoying our last few holidays as a family of 2 humans and 1 pup! (Now that it' no longer summer I can daydream of this without being considered too crazy!)

And yes, this is also a great way of distracting from the less magical parts of this pregnancy!

19 weeks.

How far along? 19 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: scale today said 1 lb but almost every other day it has said 2 lb gain so today is a fluke

Maternity clothes? still mixing but mainly maternity is much more comfortable.

Stretch marks? yep. Starting using coconut oil a few days ago so hopefully that does something.

Sleep: not great, I toss and turn a lot trying to get comfortable.

Best moment this week: buying some gender reveal party stuff... makes it feel more real.

Miss Anything? Sleeping on my stomach. Pumpkin beer.

Movement: No kicks. Really not feeling anything notable this week. Kind of wishing I'd feel something since all moms have hyped this up for me.

Food cravings: fried foods, omelets, home fries - but these are really my normal food cravings while not pregnant too

Anything making you queasy or sick: smells. Brian thought he was hilarious the other day, sticking his butt in the air and farting all over our room. Then I started throwing up in my bucket (thank God it's still next to my bed), and it wasn't very funny.

Have you started to show yet: Yeah, but this week the little bump has stayed the same size. It's kind of nice it's slowed down because I have 21 more weeks of growing.

Gender: We don't know yet but 90% chance of boy, 10% chance girl. Brian thinks almost the exact inverse.
Belly Button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? On when I go places (which is how I've always been) but I'm seriously considering retiring it early. Just a little worried people will think I don't have a husband!

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy! But I've been very exhausted some days and those are not my most cheerful days.

Looking forward to: THE GENDER REVEAL! This has become my Christmas. It's become Brian's super bowl. We are so looking forward to this party! 

My main pregnancy development as of Monday has been unshakeable tiredness. I wake up with my eyes hurting, almost like a terrible hangover. And brain feels fuzzy and slow all day. I think the culprit is no iron in the prenatals I'm currently taking. Yesterday I ate a cheeseburger and woke up. So I'll get a prescription from my doctor to go back to the ones with iron. Because this seems to completely correlate to a vitamin change. 

I seriously can't believe I'm almost halfway. 

I also can't believe we'll now soon if this is a Patrick or a Hartley. I can't wait to start to referring to baby by it's name :) Even if it means unwanted criticism, I will no longer have to call it baby/baby crane/it! 

Gender Reveal Preparations

So people who know me well know I love to host things. I don't think it's how Brian always was but now that we've been together for a while, he gets pretty into it, too.

When we first got married we did monthly beer clubs, which were so awesome we should try to revive.  We did the usual stuff like birthdays, holidays and of course, the super bowl. Whenever we were at a loss for a party excuse, we'd host game nights. We've done dinner parties but never really cook outs because we didn't have the outdoor space. Well, as of yesterday, we now have a big patio, and shit is about to get real.

Brian teases me every time we plan a party because I am a total freak. I love to plan the menu. I love to do the invitation (usually an evite). And I love to plan the activities.  I kind of hog the party planning. So at one point, we actually started, "The Food Draft". This is where we would make a list of our appetizer options, and each get to "draft" a certain number.

I won't lie, I'm a little worried for how baby crane will affect Crane's Nest parties. In fact, 2014 will be the first super bowl during our marriage where we won't host people. Yep, we did 2010, 2011, 2012 and 2013.

So, as of right now, we think we're going to get in two parties before baby (unless I decide to somehow pull off a Christmas one).

The first of those two is the Gender Reveal. Now, as hard as it is going to be not to learn the gender at next week's ultrasound, I think this is totally worth a little extra wait.

Here's how it's going to work:

1. Go in to the doctor's office for the anatomy scan and tell them our intentions of a gender reveal so not to mention the gender out loud
2. Have the tech write down on a card the baby's gender (Brian is typing up a note with a blank slot for the gender)
3. Have the tech or Brian seal the envelope (he can be trusted not to look)
4. Mail envelope to the baker

Voila! When we cut the cake with family and friends watching, we will all find out the gender at the same time.

During treatment we decided on this option. The truth is, when you struggle so hard trying to have one child, you want to make sure you make that pregnancy count. We never wanted to look back and feel like there's something we didn't do since there was no guarantee we'd do it again.

And it's perfectly us. We love a good party. And this is really the best kind of party I can think of.

So this past weekend, we went to Party City. I agonized over the shade of pink and blue that I wanted to go with for our paper products. I found some decor that loosely matches our elephant invitation. And as our cart began to fill I told Brian I felt bad about spending so much money on party supplies. $60 just to make the house have some blue and pink for 1 party felt a little silly to me.

But Brian, standing in the aisle in the store looked me dead in the eye, "We're doing this once so it's gotta be great, right? It's worth it."

Sometimes I forget how much this means to both of us, not just me. And that is really is a little more than one of our regular Cranes' Nest parties.

Cutting that cake with some very special people surrounding us will be like opening the best Christmas present in the world. I can't wait to start connecting even more with my son or daughter.

And I can't believe how almost everyone invited is coming! We really tried to keep this list as small as possible. And the only real NO's are my sister and my father in law. I tried to give the date in as far in advance as possible but it's tough for my sister to come up and my father in law travels half the time.

T minus 20 days.

Baby Crane, dad says you're a girl. Mom says you're a boy. The one thing we completely agree on is how excited we are to find out more about you!

18 weeks.

How far along? 18 weeks, 1 day

Total weight gain/loss: 2 pounds of gain!

Maternity clothes? Maxi dresses are still fitting. But most of my old clothes are no longer comfortable. I've started sleeping in Brian's shirts. I absolutely need to add to my maternity wardrobe but most will be from Target. With the exception of a few nice things for some events this fall/winter.

Stretch marks? Ok, so these bad boys decided to grow overnight. My stomach looks like a purple road map. And they all are right where baby is... just below my belly button. I'm carrying extremely low.

Sleep: not great, not horrible. pillow in between the legs now.

Best moment this week: hearing the sweet thuds of baby's heart

Miss Anything? Sleeping on my stomach. 

Movement: No movement but some pressure and stretching. The doctor explained that's baby changing positions but I think it might be growth. I had days of this followed by major stretch mark increase.

Food cravings: Ok, so this is new. I have cravings. The biggest is fried pickles but I've settled for eating them straight out of the jar. I actually ate pickles immediately after ice cream and loved it. I've craved: Anita's breakfast burritos (I can't type that without my stomach growling - that's the strongest craving), chips and queso, ice cream and Butterfingers. So maybe this kid really is showing it's 1/8 Mexican pride along with it's dad's love of sweet things. And mama needs to learn how to fry some pickles...

Anything making you queasy or sick: Poultry and Meat. I absolutely hate both. I will always eat them when someone lovingly cooks me dinner (I mean, this is a staple to any dinner) but I won't cook them in my own house. And I'll only order them in restaurants if they are hidden in a salad or slathered in sauce. 

Have you started to show yet: Ok, I never think it's obvious. But yesterday Brian said to me, "you are  really getting bigger". And today I looked in the mirror before my shower, and he is right. Those stretch marks are something else so it's almost like a growth spurt in the past few days even.

Gender: Boy. I waivered on this for a few weeks there. But I just have such a strong feeling it's a little Patrick in there. I'm curious to know but I feel very strongly that I'm right. I have seen some boy clothes lately that I almost just went ahead and bought; I usually feel that sure. I'm happy either way but I can't stop thinking of Patrick just being a little Brian.
Belly Button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? On

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy! Except when I get pregnancy advice... then Moody is an understatement! 

Looking forward to: the gender reveal. It's now about 3 weeks away, and it finally seems close. I seriously can't believe "baby crane" will be a he or she. And I loved my cousin's gender reveal RSVP stating, "We wouldn't miss Hartley's big reveal". I can't wait to think of my son or daughter, with a little name attached to it.

Whew, long survey because this pregnancy is now so real.

*** TMI from here forward ***

The stretch marks, the constipation, the shitting glass feeling, the hemorrhoids, the massive (and I mean people staring, that MASSIVE) boobs... I'm pregnant. I am in good spirits. This is so much better than vomiting all day long. I'm excited. I can't wait to shop. And other than some very real bathroom phobia, I feel at home in this pregnancy. 

Now that we've talked about my bowel problems, enjoy the weekend, folks! Have a drink for me! Pumpkin beer! 

4th Anniversary.

When we met, I was 21. He had just turned 22.  We were college kids who had so much fun together. I didn't magically fall in love with him the moment I met him. He was shy but sweet and funny, and I fell in like with him. And the more we got to know each other and the more time we spent together, it grew to love. And over the years that regular love grew to "I don't ever want to live without you" love.

We have been married for four years. And as cliche as it sounds, I fall deeper in love with him every day.

Looking back at the last four years, I can't believe how far we've come and all the changes that have happened. I can't believe those 2 college kids turned in to grown ups.

We have been blessed with a plethora of happy times. I've had those moments where he makes me laugh so hard that I cry and my stomach hurts. There have been seemingly ordinary times during our marriage that are some of the most beautiful times in my life. And we've undoubtedly had our challenges, those moments when all you can do is hold each other and cry.

I feel so lucky everyday to have found my soulmate. The person who brings light to my days. The person who is the first person I want to share my happy or sad news with. The person I want to wake up while he's sleeping just to get to be with him a little more.

And I truly feel like this anniversary is the beginning of a new chapter. We're going to be parents. A whole new set of experiences and challenges lay ahead. And I know without a doubt, we'll be extraordinary, just like we have been with everything else.

Cheers to the past four years! Cheers to very many more to come.

And I'll sign off with the best martial advice I've ever been given: do something, no matter how big or small, every day to let your spouse know you care. Be kind to each other.

That's how we roll in the Crane house, and we keep rocking this marriage thing :)