Spurts

My babies are growing up so fast. And I don't mean that in the sense that most mothers will follow up with the sobbing face emoticon. The past few weeks of our lives have been this incredible spurt. I feel like I'm throwing up a peace sign to infancy in my rear view, and dare I say, I'm not sad about it!

Hartley is blossoming so much before my very eyes. Every day she becomes sweeter, more vocal, and some how even more beautiful and little girl looking. Her love for school and learning is incredible. And I keep fearing I'll jinx it by typing it but I swear preschool has been working true wonders! 

Hartley has always been a very sweet, sensitive little girl but now hearing her voice is truly amazing. When Patrick cries, she comes over to comfort him, and she tells him, "it's okay, Patrick". And if she needs help fixing the situation she'll come over and tell me, "Patrick sad, mama." She says it with such empathy and concern. I've always known she has a kind heart but now her language is making it undeniable. 

She has begun using manners. The other night when I came up to readjust her in her crib, she said, "thank you so much, mama." She just recently started saying "I love you" to me, and it moves me to tears.

She is soaking up the world around her like a sponge. Every day are new words, new phrases and a more advanced way of speaking.

She is always telling me that things are beautiful, cute and sweet. She has such a perfect sense of pride. And I've heard that she always tries to be helpful with her classmates. 

I have to say, sometimes I questioned my abilities as a mother because my child wasn't always doing what her peers were doing. But honestly, now that she's getting this little boost to help her come out of her shell, I'm getting to reep what I've sewn, and I'm proud beyond words. 

And all of a sudden, I'm having a few hours each morning to bond with Patrick, and I am truly floored at the little person he is becoming. I know this sounds awful to say but having been my chill child, I've been able to put him on the back burner a bit. I've said it before, juggling two little ones is hard. But I am so extremely grateful to finally get this one on one time with him to bond and soak him in. 

He is also learning at a truly astounding rate. Not only is he walking around everywhere, but he is starting to follow directions! Yes, you read that correctly. He listens when I say "no", and he walks to the door when I tell him it's time to go somewhere. He's starting to repeat words - and not just easy words either. I was floored the other day when I handed him a cupcake, and he said clear as a bell, "CUP-Kay!" One day he said the word "car" about 50 times. He kept running up the driveway to see our neighbor's pick up truck. All the way he'd say, "car! Car! Car!"

He also has this impressive love of books. The other day he was walking around carrying a book. I asked him to bring it to me to read, and he walked right over with it. Then he crawled into my lap, and smiled and clapped as I read. His favorite book is Pete The Cat I Love My White Shoes. I think more Pete the Cat books will be on his Christmas list.

I feel like I'm learning so much more about Patrick now that we have our special time together. He is so playful and engaging. He truly is a social butterfly. He loves other children but especially other little boys. I think he knows they are his kind! He really loves little people, trucks and instruments. He loves being sung to. And he, like Hartley, is so wonderfully proud of himself when he masters a new skill. 

Hartley and Patrick are incredibly close. I have no idea what I did to create their bond (well, other than the fact that they've been forced to hang out together all day every day up until preschool started). When I stroll Patrick up to pick Hartley up from school, her face lights up. She looks right past me, and runs up to him screaming, "PAAATTICK!" Sometimes we drop off the "R" too. He might learn his name as Pattick ;) They seem to have their own secret language. The other day when I was fixing their dinner, I put them in the family room to watch Sesame Street. They ripped off all the couch cushions, pillows and throws and made a cushion pit. They were wrestling, snuggling and laughing. In that moment all of the craziness of having kids 18 months apart felt so damn worth it. 

Don't get me wrong, our lives right now are still tiring. People still skip naps and get grouchy. I do have to referee fights. But all in all, I'm absolutely loving this new chapter we've just begun. I feel incredibly happy and proud. I feel like this preschool has been a big, positive game changer for our family. 

I know there are big changes and challenges that lie ahead. Soon we need to do the big girl bed transition and start potty training. I'm sure our existence will be turned sideways again. But for now I'm savoring this chapter of marker caps in my boots, poncho-worthy double kid baths, pumpkin obsessions, and Sesame Street snuggles. And oh, looking forward to coordinating Halloween costumes and our first Christmas in our house. I'm getting a mantle for stockings for the first time! (Thanks, dad!) 

Changes

The theme of the last few weeks of our lives has been "changes". Two big things have happened: Patrick has started walking and Hartley has started preschool. 

And I've got to be honest, I am so genuinely excited about both. 

I am absolutely loving watching Patrick do his little baby dinosaur walk around the house. I love his wobbly steps and watching him light up with pride. And somehow this seems to have shifted the sibling dynamic. It feels like it's made them closer, like Hartley is viewing Patrick more like an equal as opposed to a baby. Of course, she's still bossing him around big sister style though!

If I'm out with Patrick without Hartley, people assume he's my first and only, and they give me the whole, "walking is a game changer" spiel. I'll admit, I've been guilty of telling this to first time moms who haven't gotten there yet because it is a fact of life! But with Patrick, it was a good time to start walking. Hartley took her first steps at 10 months; she was a very early walker. And I did not want a repeat of that! But with Hartley now learning to follow directions a little bit better, and having several hours of day of solely wrangling Patrick, his learning to walk actually came at the perfect time for us.

Hartley starting preschool has also been another happy change. The road we traveled the past 7-8 months had been hard and stressful. Both Brian and I are relieved to have received a diagnosis for her and have a plan in place for the next year that is already set into motion. I think because our situation is a little different, I was actually not a sobbing mess about "my baby growing up" when the time to start school arrived. That first day I was mainly just very excited and of course a little nervous for what she would think.

It turns out, our girl loves preschool. She happily holds my hand each day as we walk to drop off. When she sees her teachers she greets them with a hug or goes to hold their hand. It's such a huge relief. She really has transitioned beautifully.

Each day I pick her up and she's happy and tired. Usually there's evidence of the school lunch she tried somewhere on her face and some paint from art center on her clothes. It's an adorable sight. She gets a report everyday; it often reads the same. Every day she's received a smiley for behavior. Every day she's played with friends. She always at least tries her school lunch. I may eventually pack her lunch but I actually decided this would be a fun way to get her to try new foods and so far it's been great.

Her first week of school was Apple theme so they did Apple themed activities, and this week is pumpkin theme. She checked out her first library book. She picked one about the Chinese New Year that hadn't been checked out in years, and it definitely made Brian and I laugh when we saw her silly book choice when it came home in her backpack. 

I also don't want to get too ahead of myself but I swear this preschool is already "helping". Since starting she's been more focused. It's hard to describe and it's not like she's completely done some miraculous 180 but she's more engaged. 

Something I'm learning about children on the autism spectrum (and this is a generalization so I realize it doesn't fit everyone) is that their development is less linear than typically developing children. They tend to have more of a mixture of developments and regressions. This is completely true of Hartley. We can have good weeks followed by a bad week where she's kind of "off" for lack of a better word. But since starting school, we have stayed in an upswing, which is absolutely fantastic. I don't want to get ahead of myself but I just have to say I am so happy with the school system's decision for her to attend this preschool. I really feel like early intervention will be our golden ticket, and I'm so happy that we're moving in the right direction.

Sometimes I think when big changes happen we have the tendency to mourn the past, especially when it comes to our children growing. But right now, I'm just so happy to see both of my children growing and moving forward. While a 1 year old and 2 year old are pretty tiring ages (ok, honestly, exhausting ages), they are also pretty magical. I'm very excited to see what lies ahead for my crazy TODDLERS! That's right, I think now that Patty is walking, I'm a real, bonafide mom of two toddlers!

Life in Pictures

Today I got to thinking about how Hartley will probably start preschool soon. I am so happy and excited for her but I also got to thinking how it was the end of an era. The era of our 3 person crew adventuring together on weekday mornings. 

I often talk about my feelings of inadequacy as a mother. My house is always dirty, I'm always tired, I never look put together anymore, etc. 

But today as I drove home from a park play date I realized something - I'm always so hard on myself in any and every way that I fall short. I almost never toot my horn about the things I do well.

If I were to compile a list or a bunch of pictures of all the things I've done over the last 2 years and 8 months of my life (when I became a stay at home mom), it would go on for days. I often think I'm failing because I look or feel a mess or I'm tired. But I look a mess because I never take time out for myself to to get prettied up, and I'm always tired because I'm always busy making memories with with my kids.

I can't keep up with a blog to chronicle all of the fun things we do because we're busy doing them. 

And I can't possibly come on here and talk about our days. Too much to write. Too much to say and not enough time to say it. 

So I decided to come on here and put up some of my favorite pictures from the past couple months. Park picnics, playgrounds, the petting zoo, the beach, the pool, the town center, the backyard, play dates, nana & poppy field trips, ballet/music lessons/swimming lessons - the list could go on. 

I swear, if I could trade lives with someone - it would be my kids. They have such fun little lives! I'm hoping we have a couple more weeks of this existence before preschool starts and our third musketeer is busy getting her learn on :) 

And this is H on the tennis court today, she said, "Wook! I'm a witch!" Oh yes, the Halloween love is being passed down :)

Milestones

Can I just say the theme over the past few months has been exhaustion? I look back and laugh about the fact that I thought two under two would be the hard part. The world's biggest 13 month old and a pretty stubborn 2 year old? Wow. Just wow. They are both so wonderful and so much fun but they double team me like nobody's business! I can easily say I'm the most tired I'm ever been but I'm so enjoying watching my little people grow and blossom. 

Today I'm sharing a little bit about some big milestones.

First, today, October 1st, Patrick started walking. He's been cruising for a long time, and a couple weeks ago had started taking single steps. But today he decided he can actually walk a few feet so he just stood right up and did it! And did it again, and again, and again. I am so proud of him. There's nothing like seeing your little one learn something new and watching their face beam with pride as they show it off. While I'm really happy and it was time, this also hit me a little hard. Even though Patrick is huge, him walking later than Hartley did has made him feel like my baby a little longer. He still doesn't feel like a toddler, though I know that's changing very soon now. Because he's my second baby and might be my last, I actually never worried about when he was going to walk - I really savored him him crawling around. And hey, I still probably have a few more weeks of watching his sweet tush predominantly crawl, right? ;)

Also, Hartley did some awesome things in ballet today. Someday I really want to write a blog about our full ballet experience. But for now, a little cliff notes version. 

First, I signed Hartley up for ballet because she loves to dance so I figured this class would be a great way to socialize, learn how to be in a different setting, and follow directions. Well, I had no idea how hard it would be the first day of the spring season. I told myself my goal was to attend every class unless one of us was sick, and we made our goal. She did progress a little each class but the recital was horrendous. I bawled the entire car ride home and swore I'd never do it again. I googled adaptive ballet classes but I found none in our area. 

So when it was time to register for fall, I didn't entirely want to but I knew it was the best thing for Hartley. She was so excited for her first class; it was so wonderful to see. Luckily, she picked up where she left off last season, which I definitely viewed as a victory.  Her first class ever I literally had to carry the whole time because she was so uncomfortable, and she cried. This season she started out not needing to be carried and not shedding a single tear.

To get nitty gritty and be honest, you can tell Hartley is different than the other girls. She's unable to "read the room" and has a lot of difficulty following the directions. Sometimes she kind of checks out, and it might seem like she's deaf (I'm sorry, but that's the best way to describe). I actually noticed last season that a couple other moms could tell Hartley was a little different so they actually tried to get their daughters to partner up with Hartley, which was absolutely amazing of them. Last season, she would not partner with any of the other girls - she only did it once out of ten classes when a dad essentially made his daughter just lock hold of Hartley's hands and pull her across the room. 

Well, this year she has made incredible strides. The past two classes she was able to hold hands with other girls and chasse across the room. And today, I was floored when Hartley heard her name called and was able to hop up to the teacher on her own and do a roll. She also was able to go up to the teacher to receive her sticker at the end of class. All brand new things for us! I know the other girls were able to do these things starting their first season on their first class, and they might sound silly to outsiders who haven't attended this kind of class, but for us, these things are a big deal. Hartley is shy and has a tendency to become aloof in a group setting. I think these social interactions are a lot for her because she doesn't know how to navigate them. So the fact that she's learning how to is absolutely amazing! She's going outside her comfort zone and learning new things - nothing can make a parent prouder.

Honestly, waking up on Saturdays and getting her ready, I experience a little anxiety. Last season, I worried so much what the other mothers and girls thought of us. And honestly, there were times when I did wonder if we (mainly I) were being judged. I adapt the class for Hartley. I balance trying to push her to participate and trying to not be too hard on her while simultaneously trying to make sure we aren't disrupting everyone else's experience. Last season Hartley's teacher had pulled me aside to tell me what a nice job I was doing, and I then felt comfortable enough to tell her Hartley had a language delay so we were trying our very best, our best just might be a little bit of a different best.

Each class gets better. And if you told me after the last recital that we'd get where we were today, I would've told you you were crazy. So she's exceeding my expectations, and I'm very, very proud of her. 

This past week has kicked my ass. Not gonna lie. There have been moments I've felt like I was drowning. At the end of the day, I have no energy or patience left, and my body physically aches. I feel like I'm perpetually tired and behind. So my children's victories today have helped me immensely. I know that even if I just feel subpar lately, I know I'm playing a big role in all these exciting new milestones that are happening for them. That feels pretty damn good. 

Now, rain, rain go away so my boy can get practicing walking on some new terrain, and we can get some much needed sunshine and fresh air! Let the most beautiful month that Virginia has to offer begin!