I just posted an ode to Patrick as he turns one. Believe it or not that was my second attempt at writing a birthday post I liked. I wrote two, not being wonderfully impressed with either so I decided not to post until I wrote a better one. Then I realized it just wasn't going to be like the way I wrote Hartley's baby updates.
I realize that my blog often chronicles more of Hartley than Patrick. Maybe it's taboo and I shouldn't say it but she's my more complicated child. I don't mean that in a better or worse type of way. Patrick has just been easy. He's a chill baby that doesn't mind me scrapping whatever's in the bottom of my purse and handing it to him in the checkout line as a toy. Seriously, you can say anything to that kid, and he laughs and smiles. In some ways it makes him hard to write about. How many times can I say my baby boy is jovial, easy-going and very, very large? I'd write down all of his likes but he likes pretty much everything. It's kind of crazy.
And like I said, it's not for better or worse, but Hartley is my child who keeps me on my toes. She keeps me constantly learning and constantly growing. And she had me well versed in "how to keep an infant alive and relatively happy" before Patrick even joined our family.
I write this from my bathtub. Yes, I'm a weirdo who write blogs in her tub. Quite frankly, it's double therapy for me and I recommend to all moms out there :)
I've entered this week a little nervous. I push my feelings deep, deep down inside though. The reason being is my job is keep our little family going. I try to stay cool and calm for my kids.
The other day we were outside and a snake that was close to 3 feet long came slithering out. It was big and scary. And I was outside with my kids and my goddaughters, and I just calmly hustled everyone to come back in the front yard to play. I herded them like cattle to get them back to the bubbles and chalk on our front driveway. Honestly, I was freaking out on the inside. Later, Brian told me how cool I was about it, even though he knows snakes scare the shit out of me. But I had to be cool. I didn't want the kids to be scared. I wanted them to feel fine and safe.
I can actually give myself a mom pat on the back because even though it's early in motherhood, I'm actually really good at this. It means holding in tears and letting my stress get the best of me starting at 8:01 pm when everyone is tucked in their little cribs, but it's the best thing for them, I know.
As we start this week we have all Hartley things on the docket: speech therapy, ITC graduation (crazy, I know, but they are pretty certain she's going to move over to preschool), her assessments, and parent conference. And by the end of the week, we're going to have a clearer picture of what's going on. That as a whole brings me peace but it also does bring a hair of anxiety.
Lately I've started to notice her playmates noticing she's a little different, a little quirky. That's been kind of hard to watch. I'm certainly not putting examples on here but I've told her little peers things like "Hartley's shy" or "Hartley's just being silly". The way she talks is different so it's very normal that kids notice that.
I've been "reassured" that Hartley should be found eligible for special Ed preschool. I get how that sentence sounds funny to some. Maybe you're thinking, "why would you want your child to be in special Ed?" It's an inexplicable feeling that when I saw my child in her pathways setting, I felt it was the appropriate setting for her. I want Hartley to be thoroughly and properly evaluated though so we can make sure she is in the exact right setting for her to grow and flourish. The label of this setting is not my concern.
At the end of Pathways, I felt Hartley had blossomed a lot. Her language and focus improved. And over the past few weeks, she loves "playing with friends". I love hearing her talk about "friends". She spouts off kids names in her Hartley way. She says the name in a tone that denotes to me that it's a question. And I know that's Hartley's way of asking if she can see that friend. It's been amazing to see her interact with other kids and really enjoy it. This is very recent for her (like a month ago she really didn't seem to care much about being around other children).
Hartley also really enjoyed school. So Brian and I discussed how whether or not she's found eligible, we'll try to get her into some sort of preschool. That fact that she asks us for "preschool?" is thrilling to us. We want to encourage that love for school, and we're both ecstatic that it seems there already!!
Anyway, I'm probably going to blog this week again. The truth is, this outlet seems like the healthiest way. A few weeks ago I avoided retreating to my blog for fear of being negative - then I binged ate Chinese food and drank a bottle of wine. I'm fairly certain prattling off my nonsense on here is the better option ;)
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