The first, and most important, was my decision to marry Brian. When I married him, it was the first time in my life I was 100% sure what I was doing was completely right.
The second was to go back to school to become an esthetician. I am very proud of my college degree and grateful to my parents for making me earn it. I was certainly intelligent and capable of attending college but it never really felt like the exact right fit to me. When I decided to go back to school - to trade school - it all clicked. I loved trade school. I liked going to class and learning. I liked going to clinical and "working".
When I got my first job as an esthetician, I knew it was the right decision. It came completely naturally to me to have close contact with people and form bonds with my clients.
I am extremely good at my job. I have people who request to be treated by me. I have people who comment about how much they love me in their reviews of our spa.
I take a lot of pride in what I do. I enjoy it. And I work very hard.
December of last year, I continued to work hard, only I over estimated how much I could handle.
I worked like a dog. Long shifts, no lunch breaks. Then I added in doctor's appointments. The most I had in one week was 5 appointments (including my IUI), which fell the week before Christmas. So my schedule was wake up at 6:30 am and leave for the doctor at 7 am. Get to the doctor for my ultrasound and blood work and get home close to 8:30. Take the dog out, pack my lunch and get ready for work. Get to work around 10:30 am, leave work between 7-7:30 pm. By the time I'd get home close to 8 o'clock, I was beat but I could never really stop. There were Christmas presents I had to buy, Christmas cards to write, and laundry I had to do. Early in December I spent time planning our Home Alone Christmas party. I tried to visit my friend Johanna in the hospital weekly. There was never a day we had nothing to do. And I was fine with that.
Brian kept telling me I was running myself ragged but I never really believed him.
Then in January, I broke down. I think my immune system did too because when I came into contact with a nasty cold, I caught it. As soon as I was done with that, I caught the flu. I realized that maybe I'm not superwoman.
Brian had been talking to me all January about quitting my job but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't forfeit. I brought up Brian's suggestion to my mom, and she thought it was a great idea. She said it would do me a world of good to take a break and focus on myself instead of work. But as sick as it is, work was like my drug. Even if I was terrible at getting pregnant, I was a damn good worker, and it gave me purpose.
After flip flopping back and forth, one day I decided to bite the bullet and admit defeat. I put in my notice. My boss said it made no sense just to quit a job just because I go to a lot of doctor's appointments. Maybe it doesn't. Maybe I'm weaker than other women. But I'll never look back and think, "What if I had just taken it easier?"
I'm thankful daily to be in the situation I'm in. I'm very fortunate to financially be able to do this and to have a husband who is beyond supportive.
To all the women out there who can juggle the weight of world on their shoulders, I tip my cap to you. I'm not one of you but I tip my cap to you.
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