23 weeks, 6 days.

I've been absent lately because my beautiful, wonderful MacBook Pro bit the dust for good. I had a nursery and shopping post all planned out... with pictures! However, now that I'll be blogging on my iPad, I need to learn simpler tasks first, ie how to even copy and paste my survey format.

Brian and I agree about 98% of the time. But I will flat out admit that we are on two different planes of thought about technology. I am old school. Yep, I like a good old fashioned computer. Someday I aspire to own one with a printer. Brian thinks I should just learn to use an iPad for everything to join the wave of the future. And for photos use a cloud. Good lord, I'll be learning how to breastfeed and use a cloud. Holy overwhelmed, Batman. And when he told me this yesterday, pregnancy hormones raging, he may as well have called me fat. Tears a plenty!

I think we all think we'll raise our kids the way we were raised. My family had tv limits and a study computer we all shared. TV limits are still a go for Hartley. I know a shared computer won't be entirely feasible but I don't want to have a kid with an iPad attached to her. In a dream world, I'd figure out a space in our house where I could be in the same room while she used the computer. All the things we have to think about for our kids that our parents didn't have to give as much thought to. So Brian and I are coming up with a compromise. But I can't imagine life without a computer.

Without my computer, I have no clue how to figure out how to copy from my old blogs to paste in to this one. So I'm giving a short handed, unorganized version of the usual information.

I'm up 5 lbs. Which is amazing. I can gain a pound a week the remaining 16 weeks and be right on my target! How is that for nice?

My sleep the past few days has been amazing. I get so pooped after nothing and then sleep to my hearts content. I flip a lot because my legs literally go numb, so that's something I'll ask my doctor about next time I'm in.

Baby is kicking, usually like a wild woman. Yesterday she scared me by not moving until I ate dinner. Tricky little baby. Brian still hasn't felt her kick. The anterior placenta seems to greatly affect that. I'm hoping the 24th week has magical powers so he can feel his daughter for the first time.

My appetite is hit or miss. I had been feeling sick again so I started using my Zofran again. Until I remember what that little bitch does to my bathroom habits. So now I'll live with the sporadic upset stomach.

Wedding rings are off. Baby is a girl. And best moment of the week was basically a weekend of non baby stuff where my sister was home. She got engaged! We got to be there. And she got a stunner of a ring - seriously a celebrity kind of ring. 

I'm probably forgetting other things but this is the best I can do for now. Fingers crossed for a new computer in 2014. Or fingers crossed for me to use a "tablet" in lieu of a computer. I literally screamed at Brian, "you expect me to use this TI 83 as a computer?!" Hello, child of the 90's using an iPad mini!

And you will only understand what I was saying if you've seen the size of an iPad mini and spent hours using a TI 83.

22 weeks.

How far along? 22 weeks, 2 days

Total weight gain/loss: a solid 3 pounds, and sometimes I even see if say 4 :) YAY!

Maternity clothes? mostly always maternity

Stretch marks? yep. 

Best moment this week: finding out we are having a baby girl

Miss Anything? Sleeping on my stomach. Alcohol. Laying on my back. 

Movement: baby girl's kicks aren't strong enough for Brian to feel from the outside and since they're not super hard, I love getting her little kicks throughout the day :) She still kicks mostly when I'm laying down.

Food cravings: nothing out of the ordinary, going through a cookie phase

Anything making you queasy or sick: Nothing really. Did have a "sick day" this week but I think it was exhaustion. 

Have you started to show yet: Yep. I look pregnant. I love it. No trying to suck in or squeeze into stuff :)

Gender: BABY GIRL!
Belly Button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? Off. They are hard as hell to get on and off so they are out of play.

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy! Let me just say, knowing the baby's gender makes this a whole new ball game.

Looking forward to: The baby showers! Buying things for our little girl. MEETING HER in 4 months :)

This week was defined by starting to bond with our sweet girl. I made her some wall art. We bought her a few outfits. Her dad bought her a purple monster ballerina toy, that reminds me of a purple Winnie. The glider was delivered. Brian assembled the crib. I can't wait to share the progress on here soon. It's a small room so it's hard to photograph but it is turning in to the most beautiful nursery... and I still have some additions that we registered for so it's certainly not complete.

I told Brian, "I have the best taste ever." He laughed. 1. His wife is SO not modest when she's proud of herself. 2. "Taste" is an individual thing so I'm sure other people think it's not the most beautiful nursery in the history of the world. But I am so in love with her nursery. The paranoid part of me that thinks "maybe it's really a boy" is super afraid of that because in the past week I've fallen in love with the idea of having a girl and building a girl nursery. 

I think our registry is now pretty much complete. I changed it from amazon.com because I wanted to add some things from The Land Of Nod. I went pretty pink with what I registered for but my goal is for the pink ombre of linens/accents to balance the greyish blue walls and white furniture so it's a bit more girlie. 

I didn't register for it but I am so in love with a mermaid shower curtain from pottery barn that I'm already thinking I know what her little girl bathroom might look like.

I knew I was going to have fun with either gender. Let me tell you, there are some seriously adorable boy things out there, too. But the fun thing about shopping and planning for a little girl is I get to revisit that part of my childhood. What kind of dream little girl room would I want, that type of thing. 

So basically all this week was filled with 2 very excited parents to be starting to bond with their little girl by preparing for her a little. It has felt like the "honeymoon" of my pregnancy. All the gross/miserable parts of pregnancy are sliding into the past, and here is the glowy, bird-chirping, hearts floating around our heads part. 

The Gender Reveal of Our Little Girl

Sonogram garland - an idea from pinterest

Old Wives Tales Poster

A Voting Chalkboard

Amazingly wrapped cake, so no one could sneak a peek!

Our Sweet Little Family, wearing a lot of blue!

Big sis Winnie wearing both pink and blue

So here are some pictures from the day of the gender reveal party! My one regret is not getting pictures with our family and friends. To be honest, I had every intention of getting nice pictures with certain groups but it was a pretty chaotic day so I was more focused on making sure I talked to all of our guests. I think the grand total ended up being close to 30 people... in our 2,000 square foot town home!

But I asked my parents afterwards if they felt like it was too crazy or too crowded, and they said it was perfect and assured me everyone had a nice time.

I really think the party turned out pretty nicely. Like I said, there were a lot of people here but not a single person I felt like the party could have been with out. And I now truly could not imagine finding out the gender of baby crane any differently. We feel beyond blessed to be expecting baby crane, and we know so many people supported us in getting there. It felt great to have them there for such a special moment. I swear, this little girl is the luckiest little girl in the world. She doesn't know it yet but she already has many people loving her who are excited to meet her.

We would have truly been happy with either outcome. But we are getting very excited to now know we are having a daughter. We sat in her nursery last night looking at all the sweet gifts she's received already. We talked about how excited we are to start working on her room some more. We talked about how we can't wait to read her books in that room before bed. I've told Brian many times I think he'll be excellent dad to a daughter, how this little girl will have him wrapped around her tiny finger. And Brian says he knows it's true. I just know he'll be her hero, like all great dads are to their daughters. And I can't wait to teach her to be a little lady and share all the special girlie experiences we'll share.

Baby girl's name is Hartley Glenn, which we had pretty much shared with everyone already. As I said in an earlier blog post, Hartley is actually a boys name that I happened to love for a girl. It has been our "girl name" for years. In fact, when we used to wake up for ass early for doctor's appointments, I'd tell Brian I didn't want to go, and he'd tell me I was doing it for Hartley. She's my little hart already. Glenn is my dad's name, and I want our daughter to inherit his kindness and helpfulness.

I have to say I finally, truly am liking pregnancy much more now. Even though I was sick a couple days ago, I now know I'm doing this for my little girl. It has allowed me to bond much better. When I talk to her and about her I get to use her name. I get to say "her" and "she" instead of "it".  I will also admit I am a bit paranoid the sonographer got it wrong, which I'm assured is not the case because it was such quick find at a 20 week ultrasound. I'll continue to bond with my little girl but I'll have them double check when I go back in a few weeks ;)

We are loving you so much, Hartley. We are grateful every single day that you continue to grow. I love that you're working on those kicking skills so we can soon show daddy what you're made of! We're building our little nest for you. Mama is probably going to get in trouble buying you lots of adorable clothes! Your dad already admits he thinks having a girl is a little more emotional, and he turns into a puddle of mush when we talk about you. We love you to the moon and back, little girl. Keep growing. Keep kicking. We want to meet you but let's wait until February :)

And Baby Crane Is A...

BABY GIRL!

All dressed in blue, having painted the nursery blue - imagine my surprise when the inside of the cake was PINK! Brian was so right. I was so wrong.

I'm thrilled that we are going to have a little girl. Despite my faulty mother's intuition of being pregnant with a boy, I've always thought we would be fabulous parents to a little girl.

I'm already starting to browse outfits and nursery decor. I was planning on going out to Reston Town Center and buying the first little girl outfit for Miss Hartley but imagine my surprise when the morning sickness I thought was gone reared it's ugly head. Yes, walking into the kitchen, first trimester style, I ran over to the sink and spewed everything that was inside of me. Oh, how I didn't miss that burning gurgling and gasping for air.

I ended up having to take two Zofran to calm things down because it was worse than usual - a little more violent and projectile.

I have tons of work to do around the house and laundry piled up but I laid around all day, trying to nap while my throat burned and my tired body ached. I have pictures I need to post but no energy to do it.

So for now I'll leave you with this amazing video my friend Erin made for us. Most precious thing ever. I could watch it on a loop and get teary every time. And I will share pictures from the party soon. And an update on my first girl purchase!

A link because I'm technologically challenged:

http://vimeo.com/75731853

21 weeks, and super excited!!!

How far along? 21 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: a solid 3 pounds... I'm now eating much more than I was before and it's awesome! Just pass all the food to the pregnant lady!

Maternity clothes? mostly always maternity

Stretch marks? yep. 

Best moment this week: getting a pregnancy massage... had no idea just how uncomfortable I've been until I felt true comfort again!

Miss Anything? Sleeping on my stomach. Alcohol. Laying on my back. Now that it's all about laying on my side, I think this will be what I miss every week from here out.

Movement: Just started this week, and they are quite subtle. I usually feel them more when I lay in bed on my side, and baby likes to give a light thud. Gentle and subtle but fairly sure they are kicks.

Food cravings: Loaded baked potato soup in a bread bowl, comfort foods like my mom's cooking and fresh baked cookies

Anything making you queasy or sick: No throwing up! Nasty, nasty acid reflux. Love that whatever I eat now comes up as a very sour citrusy aftertaste. Gum is my best friend.

Have you started to show yet: Yep. Clients yesterday were too wary to bring it up but when I did they said they could tell!

Gender: We'll know in 3 days!
Belly Button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? Off. They are tight! I forced on my wedding ring for work yesterday but that will be rare from now on!

Happy or Moody most of the time: Mainly happy with some moody mixed in when I feel tired and pregnant. 

Looking forward to: THE GENDER REVEAL! Now starting to count down the hours. So excited we chose to do this party... and it's going to be the best party ever. And all my clients yesterday thought it was such a cool idea.

Now that I'm just a handful of days away from hitting the 5 months pregnant mark, I'm getting bigger and less comfortable. Little stuff like shaving my legs is getting tougher and housework leaves me a little out of breath. And the sleep... ugh, really more like a lack of sleep. I flip flop between sides and wake up every hour or so to try to flip and get comfortable. Last night I slept from 11 pm - 2 am then 5 am - 7:30 am. So I have to ask, this "get your sleep before the baby comes" bit, are there pregnant women who really do sleep? The only time I remember sleeping well was during the days of throwing up all day. 

It's safe to say, I still do not love pregnancy. But I'm not hating it as much as I was a week ago. My emotions are back in check (for now), and I'm just looking forward to certain things to keep me chugging along! 

Brian and I are like little kids when it comes to the gender reveal party. I'm pretty sure this is the most I have ever anticipated any party or event; it ties our wedding. So when people talk to me about looking forward to things other than the reveal, I'm laughing in my head thinking, "don't even care... must. know. gender." I'm happy for this time where my brain is consumed with excitement but also looking forward to actually knowing the gender and starting to plan out the nursery more.

I will update in just a few short days. And no longer will there be blog entries with this "it" business. Soon it'll be him or her! 

soapbox rant.

When I was on my Facebook today I saw the most intriguing story pop up on my newsfeed. The Today Show is doing a series of specials on babies and being born this week. I was thrilled to see them covering IVF, and in a very original, daring way. They managed to find a woman brave enough to put her IVF experience out there, on national television. They actually filmed this woman sedated, legs apart, with a doctor extracting her eggs.

The story is here. The video is a short 6 minute, easy watch:

http://www.today.com/moms/why-im-doing-ivf-live-tv-one-womans-fertility-journey-4B11235075

I am so proud of this woman. IVF is tough to go through period, much less putting your story out for many to hear.

Yet somehow people managed to comment nasty things on her story. A few examples:

- "I'm so glad I wasn't made in a lab or doctor's office."

- "This is nature's way of telling you not to have children."

- "Just adopt already. Geez."

There was a lot of God/religious stuff too.

Now, one shouldn't put much stock in to comments like this they read online. And I'm not the type to get in to an internet war with strangers. But I do love to take the time to write about this.

It is time for us all (myself included) to stop judging things we don't understand. If you've never been through fertility treatment, there is absolutely 100%, no way you understand. You can know someone who went through it but you never, ever get to know what it feels like. You can ignorantly pass judgment but your judgement means jack shit because there's no knowledge on the matter to back it up.

There is very frequently the "just adopt" mentality. Well, one day I decided, people say that so I'll research it. Maybe we should just adopt. Adoption can take years. It can fall through at the last minute. It costs upwards of tens of thousands of dollars (usually 30K+). And for everyone who thinks there's a plethora of children available, there seems to be just as many people competing to adopt them. And you have to be deemed the most worthy. Adoption, like IVF, is not simple.

I didn't have the choice to conceive naturally (I tried), so hopefully my kid doesn't hate his or her self for being brought to life in a petri dish. And if this was nature's way of telling me not to have children, why did nature engrain me with the desire to be a mother?

Lately, I receive judgement on a different basis. The funniest thing I get now is when people who rooted and prayed for me to be able to have 1 kid, talk to me about my future kids (even though I'm still working on my first, which was my stretch goal to begin with!).  Oh lord, they need to watch the video. But like we've established, even seeing it is no where close to living it. So when I tell people I'm happy with one, it falls on deaf ears.

I decided to ask my doctor if I could have children in the future without fertility treatment; is the urban legend of pregnancy restoring fertility true?! It happens to some women but it is the far less likely scenario is what I was told. Inevitably, I'll be judged by some if I don't do more fertility treatments in the future. Though to those people I say, one child is a blessing, and you don't realize it until you have to work for years just making one!

If you read this, make it a goal to try to understand the walk others walk. Try not to pass judgement on something you haven't lived. It's a personal goal of mine as well, that I'm constantly working on because it is very tough.

But to the religious fanatics telling women who do IVF they need to repent for becoming a part of the abortion problem in this country - fuck you. I don't know about other women who do IVF but I am giving all my embryos a chance at life. If I never use them myself, they are being donated to a couple in need. I might get that rare chance to be a hero to a stranger. God can judge me for that, not you.

And to this young couple spending all their savings on the only round of IVF they can afford, all my hopes and prayers are with you. Try to stay strong and hopeful. And I hope the Today Show broadcasts your happy news soon!

pregnancy randomness.

I am about to ramble about a bunch of non-related things. To be honest the brain fuzziness I'm experiencing would make it way too hard to come up with a topic and organize my thoughts to all correlate.

First, the gender reveal is FIVE days away. Brian and I are taking turns updating the countdown on our white board. Side note: this white board is a 10 year old piece of junk that I can't part with because we end up putting all our countdowns on it.  This countdown has been the most intense ever with the two of us racing to update it. The only times I've won is heading immediately to it after waking up while Brian is out on his morning run.

I see the fun of both genders. But I can't wait to begin more in depth mental planning for either. And shopping. And decorating. Brian is holding strong on his girl guess. I am holding strong at boy. Though I dreamt that I cut the cake, and it was pink. So that was kind of odd.

And the verdict is in, either gender, Miss Winnie is excited. Girlfriend has been spending a lot of time lounging in the baby's room. She's started nuzzling my belly a little. Ever since meeting our goddaughters, she is fascinated with babies. When we go for our walks and she sees a baby, she's entranced. I have to explain to the mama that Winnie just learned about babies and is on a baby kick.

We have seen a mom who wears her baby and walks her dog around our neighborhood. And I'm so excited to get to try that myself. I stopped her the other day to ask about her carrier and if she she was happy with it. Also having the ulterior motive of making a neighborhood mom friend. She said her husband travels a lot for work, and he tells her just to do the stroller dog combo when she wants to go for walks but it's too tough. I couldn't imagine having Winnie on a leash and a clunky stroller to push around.

So first order of business as spring enters will be learning how to wear the baby and walk the dog. I'm determined for these two to become best friends. I held off buying a second dog for years just imagining this ideal scenario: two parents, a human baby and a fur baby.

When my dad was over yesterday to work on the bathroom, he was in the nursery and he told Winnie, "this is your brother or sister's room." And I loved the sound of that. Her brother or sister. Her future partner in crime. Her new best friend.

So as you can see, this house is full of beings - human or furry, who are very excited about baby. And excited to find out if it's a little Hartley or a little Patrick in there!