Solid food.

So, let me just start by saying, a couple months ago, I was so excited to start Hartley on solid foods. 

"Oh my god, she doesn't even know what she's missing. She's going to love it! I can't wait to watch her try all these fun foods. I'm going to make my own, and it'll be so fun."

Okay, well, two months ago Page, you were so wrong. You will end up hating the shit show that is "trying solid foods".

My normally happy baby hates "solid" food. And I can't blame her, I hate it, too. It's insanely depressing. 

Every few days, I blend up food in that Tiffany blue food processor that I thought would make this "even more fun." I spoon it into these perfect little freezer containers specifically meant for my nutritious homemade baby food. When I put some on a spoon to feed it to her, you'd think I was trying to feed her dog shit with the reaction I get. The look of disgust. Tightly clasped lips that I can't even force a spoon into. Then after a while, I make peace with the fact that I'm wasting food, and let it make it's way to the garbage disposal. Then I stand at the sink watching it whirl down into the food graveyard. I scrub the little container, wondering why I even made that in the first place. And I repeat a second time later in the day - if I feel ballsy enough. 

Then I look at Hartley and think, "whatever you want. Just eat formula forever. After all, some women in the 90's lived on slim fast shakes alone. You'll just be one of those people I don't understand who doesn't love food."

And then I remember the doctor telling me that between 6-8 months is the best time for babies to learn. And shit, that clock is ticking. She'll be 8 months before I know it. 

So I've decided to make my way to my Mecca , Target, today. Hoping their baby food aisle with the adorably marketed, over priced fancy baby food will actually appeal to my kid. I'll Pinterest the shit out of this problem. Text my friends for advice. Go on amazon trying to look for a book on babies who hate food and how to feed them nutritionally sound meals they'll eat. Just reading that makes you realize how much parenting has evolved from the days that the doctor told you just to start on rice cereal and buy gerber jars. 

But I had to get on here and vent. And tell the world how I don't get it. I swear, I fiend for food like a crack addict fiends for a fix. Like, it basically would take a straight jacket to keep me from eating French fries if they're placed in front of me. I mean, even I ate some of Hartley's puréed bananas... if I had them in the house, I'd drizzle them in chocolate, mix in some rum and sip it through a straw. 

And I know, I know, there's a learning curve. But how long does it take? A few weeks? A few months? And how come no one tells you this? I swear I've seen a thousand pictures of kids devouring smash cakes. 

If I put a smash cake in front of Hartley, I'm pretty sure she'd ask to have to removed from her tray and replaced with a stuffed monkey. And then I would eat the cake in less than 5 minutes. 

Time to try a new plan. Because this just won't do. And add this to the "WTF? Why does no one tell you?" list. Yes, non parents take note, not all babies instinctively love solid food. Your garbage disposal and/or dog might start to really earn it's keep. 

"What is this, Mom? It ain't going in my mouth." 

"Trust me, kid. I'd rather be changing a deuce right about now."

Hartley is half a year old!

Dear Hartley,

Wow, you're already 6 months old! You have changed so much since the day you were born.

I'll never forget when the hospital staff was going to have us move from the delivery room to our recovery room. I was in a wheelchair, and they wanted me to hold you as they moved all of our stuff to our new room. You were so teeny that I remembered thinking you were too fragile for me to hold in my lap while they pushed us. Now, you require a tight grip at all times because you will try to slither your way down my lap so you can go nuts on the floor. You just want to move on your own whether its rolling or scooting on your back. You are so close to crawling. And that's terrifying but exciting at the same time.

6 months ago you were just a hair over 7 pounds; now you are a hair over 19 pounds. You went from a tiny peanut to my little wild woman. 

The biggest change from 5 months to 6 months was you overcoming your stranger anxiety. All of a sudden you are a total flirt. You love attention from anyone who will give it to you. You are always laughing and always smiling. You exude such a large personality out of that little body. The number one adjective people use to describe you is "fun". Even as I write this, I can't quite find the words to describe it. But today at the doctor's office I told the doctor, "she's got a lot of personality. Actually, maybe you would even call her wild." And his response? "Oh, I can see that."

You are now starting to play on your own with toys. You "read" books. This is by far my favorite trick of yours. It is adorable. I guess we read to you so much that you mimick it with your soft books. Also, basically anything you can get your hands on is a toy. Everything is interesting and needs to be thoroughly studied. You still love books but get preoccupied with turning the pages, and that kind of shortens the stories. Our current favorite reads are The First Pup, Olivia, Tacky, and The Belly Button Book. You very much enjoy the written word - I've never seen a baby so focused on writing before.

Freddie the firefly was probably your favorite toy this month. You also really enjoy your stuffed animals, especially chewing on them.

You love to grab Winnie. I think you love the softness of her fur. She loves to lick you until your soaked. And you laugh while she grooms you. 

You still love baths in your whale tub. 

You went to the beach this month. You were so brave! You did a great job splashing in the pool and dipping your toes in the ocean. You also did a wonderful job during the very long car ride to South Carolina. The way home took 12 hours, and you were a champ!

You were very well behaved at Aunt Laura's wedding. That's right - you went to your first wedding and officially got a new uncle!

As always, we are so proud of you. You continue to amaze us, and we just keep falling more in love with you. Today I got teary, hugged you tight and asked you not to grow up any more. But the truth is, you get more fun with each passing day. You keep me on my toes. You keep me exhausted. But you bring me so much joy, and I truly can't wait to see what's next.

We love you, our sweet girl. Happy 6 months! 

And of course, we had to include a picture of you reading:

What I've Learned Over The Last 6 Months

Ok, clearly I'm not a motherhood expert. I don't claim to be. But I thought it might be fun to share what I've learned over 6 months of motherhood. Tomorrow I'll be updating on Hartley at 6 months. This is a little more about me and what the last half a year have been like as a mom.

I wish I had the brain power to put these in some sort of order but I don't. So here goes a random compilation of 6 months of learning.

1. That insantaneous love is not a myth. It is so incredible how your baby enters the world and you fall in love right away. It's indescribable but I guess I'll choose the word "amazing".

2. I had heard breastfeeding comes naturally, and I think for some women it really does. But I learned breastfeeding is hard, and it kind of hurts. Hartley and I never got past the painful, frustrating stage of breastfeeding.

3. Changing dirty diapers isn't as gross as other people make it sound.

4. Keeping number 3 in mind, put the right size diaper on your child. Don't squeeze them in to one too small. Just give the too small diapers to a friend with a smaller baby.

5. Wear a ponytail during the hours when your baby is awake.

6. Enjoy wearing earrings... when you're not around your baby.

7. Don't paint your nails during naptime. That's just asking your child to wake up while you have wet chemcials on your finger tips.

8. Don't buy baby clothes too far in advance. If someone told me my 6 month old would be wearing 12 month clothes I wouldn't have believed them. 

9. Related to 8, novelty clothing is a little overrated. Those first 3 months they really live in pajamas. And that's cool.

10. And since the last few have sounded like advice, you will get lots of advice. Take it with a smile. Then go home and raise your baby however you please.

11. Cutting a baby's nails is a bitch. It sucks. Do it when you're on top of your game. Yeah, I mean well rested, in a well lit area, with extreme focus.

12. Related to 11, the first time you cut your kid while clipping their nails, you feel like a terrible mother. Mom guilt is apparently very real, and it blows.

13. If cloth diapering, check the water pressure out before you use your diaper sprayer on full blast. It takes getting watered down poop all over yourself just one time to learn that one, and just let me trailblaze that one for you.

14. Babies are unpredictable creatures. DVR that show you really don't want to miss because bedtime can shift. And be flexible. You may think your baby should take that soild nap you've been looking forward to but naps are never guarnateed.

15. That toy your friend swears by might not work for your baby. Yeah, if your baby isn't a pacifiier baby, good luck trying to get them to take one. It might just not be in the stars.

16. Milestones on a timeline are just a rough esitmate. Babies can do things early or do things late, as long they they eventually do them, you're good. Don't worry until your doctor tells you it's time to worry. And even then, remember to keep it in perspective. 

17. Babies come in all shapes and sizes. Embrace that. I love my tank baby.

18. Spit up happens. Don't wear something you absolutely can't have stained. Brian changes out of his work clothes right after he walks in the door, and it has saved many a work outfit.

19. Phases are phases. They pass. It sucks and they seem horrible while they are going on, but they pass. And that advice won't make you feel better while they are going on. 

20. Diaper rash is awful. Giving your baby naked time is super smart.

21. At least one older person will give you the "in my day" line, and it will be obnoxious. But remind yourself they are trying to relate. You will probably do the same shit when 20 years from now "back is best" will be something else entirely. 

22. Keep wine or chocolate in your house. There will be days you need it.

23. Ask for a break when you need it.

24. Whenever someone offers help, take them up on it. This is not the time in your life to be super prideful. 

25. Walks and errands are good boredom busters.

26. Never wake a sleeping baby.

27. Motherhood is a rollercoaster. They will be wonderful days and there will be shitty days. On the wonderful ones, soak in every ounce. And on the shitty ones, remember this too shall pass, and remember how incredibly lucky you are to get to be a mother, even it's it's hard to remember in that instant.

There you have it. An odd number but 27 tidbits of wisedom. Yeah, I called it wisedom even though I've only been doing this gig for 6 months. I can't wait to see what they next 6 months teach me. I'm sure it'll be things I never expected. And Hartley and I will have a ball figuring them out.  

*** Oh, and as a bonus. Here is actually a tidbit of advice. Talk to another mom friend when you've hit a low point. If they're a good friend, they'll share their low point. And it makes you feel good to know you're not alone in this adventure of motherhood. ***