10 months.

Dear Hartley,

You're 10 months old and growing up so fast!

A couple days after I wrote your 9 month blog, you said your first word: quack. You said it at the doctor's office. You whisper it from time to time but now you're more interested in saying "dad". You just started saying dad about a week ago, and you say it often. Your dad loves it! Last night he thinks you said "duck", so I can't wait to hear it for myself. 

Outside trying out those words, you babble up a storm. It's adorable. 

You're also big into laughing. Sometimes you laugh out of nowhere. But mainly you laugh when we play peak a boo, when mom pretends to eat your fingers, when dad kisses your tummy and gives you raspberries, and when dad gives you Eskimo kisses. 

You're getting really good at standing without holding on to things. You can do it for about 30 seconds. You also are really good at cruising. People keep telling us they predict you'll be walking in the next 1-2 months. But I'm fine with you waiting! 

Another thing started the day after my 9 month entry about you - you got really into clapping! You love to clap now. You do it when you're proud of yourself, when you're happy or when you're putting on a show. 

You still love to dance to Shake It Off. It was literally a party trick of yours at our Christmas party. You sat in the middle of the room and bopped around. You are starting to dance to other songs though. It's adorable and always makes me smile. 

You are slightly more interested in food this month. You'll take little bites of toast or other kinds of bread. You'll nibble on pita with hummus. You are consistently drinking half apple juice, half water out of your sippy cup. You love "crunchies", a Gerber product like Cheetos. You still like puffs a lot. I tried feeding you pancakes. You took a couple bites but mainly fed them to Winnie. 

Now that it's cold outside, you do watch a little tv. You love Sesame Street like no other! 

But on warm days, we get out, and you love walks. You like the swings at the playground. You like to play with leaves and grass. 

You're a popular little baby with a busy play date schedule. But your best friend might be Winnie. She makes you laugh, and it's really cute. Winnie drives me nuts but she's really become your dog. You love to pull on her hair but every now and then you'll do a gentle pet and you get lots of praise for it!

I'm sure I'm forgetting things but I think those are the big things!

I love you so much, sweetheart! You really continue to become such a sweet, fun little girl, and your dad and I feel so lucky to call you ours :) 

Your very tired mama  

Hartley's 1st Thanksgiving

Another great weekend for the books. It doesn't hurt that it was four days of having Brian home with us and eating copious amounts of delicious food. 

On Thursday we celebrated Hartley's first Thanksgiving. It was a really nice and low key. We started the morning with a big breakfast, which I put on Hartley's tray, too. She mainly just pushed the eggs down to Winnie but she did manage to nibble on her toast. It's really funny to see her start to eat "people food". I still mainly feed her baby food because she doesn't take in much of the real stuff yet but it's cute to watch her experiment. 

We all stayed in our pajamas to watch the parade. Hartley took her nap mid way and missed the Sesame Street gang but she was up in time to catch Santa Claus. She was wearing her "I love Santa" pjs for the occasion.

It was cold but since our turkey wouldn't be ready until much later (we did a slow cooker turkey), we headed out for a trail walk. It was so nice and quiet out.

After Hartley's afternoon nap we got started on dinner. We had turkey, redskin mashed potatoes, salad, stuffing and macaroni and cheese.

Hartley was a hot mess. She mushed everything in her fingers and pushed it around her tray. She rubbed it in her hair and on her chest. Maybe like 3 bites made it into her mouth. 

Washing her was a two man job but she had a ball so it was totally worth the second bath that day. 

At the end of the day I realized how much I have to be thankful for, especially finally having Hartley with us, which is the cherry on top. 

Friday was freezing so we went out to eat for breakfast as something to do. Other than that the rest of the day was spent playing inside.

Saturday was a big day - we bought our Christmas tree! We went to the place that Brian's family went to every year. It's a family run place that's been in business for like 40 years. The other times we've gone, guys Brian grew up with help us. This year was the same. Someone he worked at the swimming pool with us helped us with our tree. My friend Sabrina came along and took pictures of us getting a special first Christmas tree. That was really awesome, and I'm so glad we'll have those to look back on.

Sunday was a chill day but the weather was beautiful so we got outside a lot. On our lake walk we took a break to let Hartley play in a field. 

Watching her inspect the leaves and the grass and crawl around was priceless. Seriously, I always say it, but this is the best age. Their fascination with new things is amazing. Watching her crawl in the grass, smiling ear to ear, so pleased with herself melted my heart. 

Tonight we walked to get hot cocoa and then took in the neighborhood lights. I gotta say, ours are pretty damn good this year. No, you won't see us from space Deck The Halls style but we look very festive. And we have a heart light, which is pretty perfect!

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving weekend. Time to get geared up for lights, trees and Santa!

Babies on the brain.

From a very early age, probably as early as I can remember, I've wanted to be a mother. I had this cabbage patch doll named Susie that went everywhere with me. She was my practice baby. I know to the women who don't have that itch, it sounds really hokie and stupid. But for me, it was just a natural feeling that I seemed to just be born with: an inexplicable desire to take care of someone in a way no one else could. I very much wanted to be the kind of mom my mom was and is. 

I flipped flopped on the career I wanted to have. Somedays I wanted to be an architect, and I'd sketch floor plans on graph paper for hours. Then I'd want to be a fashion designer, and I'd draw dresses. Other times I wanted to be a journalist or an author, and I went so far as to create my own fake newspaper. 

But I always wanted to be a mom. It was constant and unshakable. 

When I fell in love with a guy who really wanted to be a dad, we decided we'd have 3 or 4 kids. And we were going to be really amazing parents to our little brood. 

Then we were thrown a curveball when getting pregnant was really difficult. 

I still cry when I think about how incredibly lucky we are to be parents. When my mind goes to the "if there weren't IVF" place, I lose it. I can't even think about the mix of science, prayers and luck that brought Hartley into our lives because it reminds me how easily she could've never been brought into our lives. 

The thought of having 3 or 4 kids hasn't crossed my mind in literally years. 

Once I got pregnant, I decided to be happy with my one miracle baby. Contrary to the grammar and spelling that this blog indicates, I'm a smart girl. My mind was instinctively wise enough to protect my heart. My brain said "you'll love this baby more than anything in the world and you'll be done having kids".

Well, I do love my baby more than anything in the world (ties Brian though). 

But I'm not sure I'm done having kids.

My body seems to think I am. It has returned to its old infertile ways. And recently it occurred to me that just because I have a baby doesn't mean I can pregnant again without help. I'm not saying this in a remotely sad or "woe is me" way. I'm more so stating it as a fact; that I don't think I'm one of those "pregnancy fixed me" infertile women. 

Why can't I get this off my brain lately? Why am I feeling an imaginary clock tick? 

A friend once wrote in her blog that you'll know you're not done having kids if you feel someone is missing from your family. I find that to be such a beautiful thought and probably true for most people. But what about when you don't want to feel like something's missing?

What if you feel guilt over the fact that you have a baby and want another even though so many women don't even get one? What if you feel like you've already won the lottery and you're greedy for going to play again? What if you're afraid to have your heart broken ever again? 

I am so grateful for Hartley. She is an incredible little girl, and she surpasses anything I could've dreamed up. She makes me want to meet another one of our babies. 

Ideally, in a world where I pick everything, I would wait maybe a year or two before we go back to the clinic. And to be frank, I don't really want to be pregnant right now. I didn't even like pregnancy. I'm liking having my body to myself and time with just Hartley and I (Brian too but you know what I mean). But for some reason that annoying clock ticks. 

It doesn't make sense. Our embryos are products of healthy 27 year old Page and 28 year old Brian. They are blissfully frozen in time. But my mind goes to all sorts of places. What if a freak disaster happens and something happens to them? What if I have a hysterectomy and I never get a chance to carry any of them? To ensure those don't happen, I need to use them ASAP. But I don't feel ready yet.

I think about this almost every day. I feel guilt. I feel confusion. I feel blessed. Somedays, I feel a teeny bit sad that I'm going to give pieces of us away, and I cry about it. I also wonder if fertile women feel this conflicted about their family planning. 

I know this is all pretty deep for a Thursday but I felt like this is something I just want to put out there. I had no idea this was how I'd feel after having Hartley. 

I know one thing for sure, my intuition did not fail me. I am meant to be a mother. I consider myself a very good one. And I'm so grateful we never gave up on our dreams of a baby. If and when she has a sibling, I guess time will tell. I know there's no "right" answer to that one. Until then, I'll be rooting for time to move slower so I can savor this sweet time. 

 

Brian's 30th birthday!

Even though I just blogged about Hartley at 9 months, things keep happening around here, and I definitely need to catch up with entries.

I guess I'll go in chronological order and write an entry about B's birthday weekend.

Friday, H and I had a great day with our friends Leslie and Kyle. We went to the town center. It was pretty chilly but nice to squeeze in a town center trip as it'll soon get too cold to go for a while. I picked up cupcakes for Brian's birthday. We are huge Red Velvet cupcakery fans so I thought it'd be a nice birthday surprise.

Brian left work on the earlier side. I made one of Brian's favorite (and easy) dishes: chicken dijon. It's on the lighter side so eating cupcakes for dessert didn't seem so bad ;)

We hung out as a family, and after H went to bed, we watched Let's Be Cops. It's not exactly an award-winning movie but it's pretty entertaining if you like New Girl, which we love. 

Saturday I hurried to get stuff done around the house before my parents came over in the early afternoon. My dad came over, and then Brian and I headed out to Hillsborough Vineyards, the winery where we got married. I absolutely love that winery. If you've never been, it's totally worth a visit: gorgeous views and delicious wines. It was cold so we sat inside, and they had a fire in the fireplace. The inside of the winery has a very quaint, rustic feel and all the windows nicely showcased all the fall foliage. It was so serene and cozy. It always make me nostalgic for our wedding whenever we go there. 

They close at 5 so then we moved on to our next stop, Lightfoot Restaurant. We're normally casual food people so it was a nice treat to go somewhere a little fancier. The food was delicious, and it was so relaxing to eat leisurely without worrying about keeping an infant content.

The next stop was Lansdowne Resort. That stop included complimentary champagne at check in, a trip to the indoor pool, and a night out at their bar. And best of all, the sound sleep of two people sleeping without a baby in the next room! We had a lovely breakfast in bed before we headed out in the morning. Brian had said he didn't want a birthday party, so I felt like this was a great alternative way to ring in 30, and we both had an awesome time.

My parents did a little switch and my mom was the one who was there when we got home in the morning. Hartley had a blast with her grandparents and got a great report card. 

Brian, Hartley, and I went for a family walk before we parted ways. I went to help a neighbor while Brian and Hartley went to his parents' house. They had sandwiches and cake, and Brian got to open his presents. They had a nice time together, and I heard Hartley was a ham. No surprise there! 

When they got home, Hartley went down for a nap. As soon as she woke we headed to my parents' for dinner. It was my parents, my brother, his fiancée, Brian, Hartley and I. Brian's dinner request was my mom's enchiladas, which were delicious. She always makes a chocolate peanut butter cake for his birthday dessert. She does it because Brian loves Reese's but it definitely benefits me, too! Then Hartley showed off for everyone until it was time to head home for bedtime. 

By Sunday night we were pretty exhausted but we both really enjoyed his special weekend. 

Now Brian and I are in different decades, and we all know I'm not leaving the 20's anytime soon. I love my sweet, handsome older man!

Oh, and how awesome are my parents? This was their second time babysitting Miss H overnight. Seriously, total champs. And I might be counting down the minutes until my dad comes over today to baby sit Hartley. I'm so lucky to have them - and so is Hartley. 

9 months.

Dear Hartley,

It's so hard to believe you're already 9 months old!

This month has basically been defined by non-stop movement and exploration. If there's a ledge to pull up on, you're pulling yourself up on it. If there is something a little dangerous or off limits, you gravitate right towards it. An opportunity to climb or cruise? You're all over it. 

This month you've mastered letting go of things and allowing yourself to fall gently. You've begun standing without holding on to things but only for a few seconds. You are an extremely fast crawler. 

You are also extremely inquisitive. Everything must be inspected.

 You are always "reading". You love touch and feel books. You love baths and playing with your various bath toys. You love your foam alphabet letter bath toys. 

You babble a ton... and loudly! You are always saying, "dadadadadada", "mamamamama", "nananananana", and "gagagagagagaga". Sometimes I could swear you say words. I've heard you say what sounds like "quack" when we talk about ducks. Your talking is adorable but your laughter is probably my favorite sound of all time. Your dad and I find ourselves doing just about anything to hear that sweet laugh. 

You've been enjoying your first fall. You went to a pumpkin patch and have taken many strolls in the nice fall weather. You love crunching leaves. When I take you for walks, I find the prettiest colored leaves for you to take with us, and you crunch them into teeny pieces. 

Your dad went to Florida for a few days this month so we had our first "just the two of us" time. Nana and Poppy helped us a bunch. They've baby sat you a lot recently, and you light up when you see them. 

You've also had a bad rash that I took you to the doctor for. Turns out you have a viral infection. I guess "tis the season". It doesn't seem to have slowed you down any though! 

You dressed as a mouse for your first Halloween and sat out front with mom and dad to hand out candy to the trick or treaters. 

You've been having lots of play dates with a sweet baby boy named Kyle. And you've been hanging out with Lily, your neighborhood birthday twin. 

You have six teeth now, and you're always showing them off by smiling really big.

And yes, these tidbits seem haphazard and out of order but you have me pretty tired lately so I can't even think straight! 

But as exhausted as I am at the end of each day, I always feel so blessed and lucky to have you as my daughter. You are adorable, strong, wild, sweet, fun, daring and willful. I am absolutely blown away by the little person you are becoming. I often tell your dad that I am convinced you are going to do big things and leave a huge mark on this world because you are becoming such an extraordinary little human. I look into your big, mesmerizing blue eyes and find myself so in awe of you. 

Your dad and I love you so incredibly much. We can't wait to see what the next month will bring! 

Hartley's first Halloween

Hartley's first Halloween was a festive success. 

We spent all of October dressing her in festive outfits and reading her Halloween books. I recorded a Halloween cartoon movie I let her watch: Spookley the Square Pumpkin. Of course she loved the songs. 

The day of Halloween she had a play date at her buddy Kyle's house. We dressed them in their costumes and they were the most adorable mouse and Cat in the Hat you've ever seen. 

I realized at the last minute that I did want to dress up. I went to Target had of course it was totally empty in the costume aisle. I found a headband with cat ears in the girls' section and I bought a tube of liquid eyeliner. Voila! A cat! 

Next year I'll do better and do the coordinated family costume but this year I bought H's costume back in September and then couldn't coordinate around a mouse. 

We sat out front and handed out candy as a family. I kind of wish we could do the same thing next year but I know toddler Hartley would probably be happier trick or treating. Baby Hartley just likes to sit in the grass and play with leaves so we went with it.

It was a wonderful Halloween and a wonderful "just the 3 of us" weekend. 

Guess it's time to think about turkeys and Christmas trees now :)

Life is good.

You know those streaks in life when everything is pretty perfect? We're in one, and I'm loving it. 

And you know how you have times in life you wish you could go back and relive? I already know this will be one of those. Why can't we have a freeze button and just stop time right now? 

We've been having a lot of great weekends but the weekdays aren't shabby either, and I just want life to always be just like this.

I guess I'd been feeling like life was pretty wonderful but today is my parents' 30th wedding anniversary and that got me thinking. I thought, "30 years ago my parents were in their early 20's just starting married life. I wonder if they had any idea how perfect things would be 30 years later." Everyone in our family is happy and healthy. There's love, weddings, a grand baby. 

And when I write this, I'm not trying to brag or sound like an asshole but I feel the need to say this.

For literally a couple years I was always the friend with the anecdotes of annoyances or bad news. Failed fertility treatments. Surgery. I wasn't working so my life was pretty boring. Pregnancy ailments. At the end of my pregnancy, in law drama. Just blah. I kept thinking, "I can't wait to not be this person anymore." And I made it - I'm not that person anymore! :) 

I feel like I need to take a thousand pictures so I'll always get to look at that sweet, blue eyed babe smiling and laughing. I can't get enough videos of her dancing. How do I freeze this? Or even just bottle it for a not-so-great day that's bound to happen? I guess I just need to savor it and actively try not to think that the boom will be lowered soon. 

Probably some super ordinary-looking pictures but these will always capture a moment in time where everything was right in the world...

I know life is about ups and downs but I can't help but want to stay in the "up". At lunch with a girlfriend a couple weekends ago I got a fortune cookie that said a lifetime of happiness lies ahead.

I guess a Seinfeld quote says it best. I just need to look to the cookie.

The weekend.

Another weekend came and went too fast. Now it's Tuesday and what we did only a few days ago already seems to be a distant blur. 

Friday was gorgeous so we decided to have family date night at Reston Town Center. We had dinner at Vapianos, and it was delicious. We got a nice spot on their patio:

We strolled a little bit and got to see the "light up the night" event, which was a really neat sight. 

Saturday, errands were run and laundry was done. I painted our new wall (which I plan on posting about soon). Brian and Hartley walked to the grocery store to get some things for dinner. Hartley decided to be a champion napper so Brian and I could tidy a little before my friend Sabrina came over.

Then Sabrina came over which made out Saturday more fun. 

She took some really awesome fall pictures for us. Then we ate dinner and donut holes. We watched the best Halloween movie of all time: Hocus Pocus. But you really just want to see the pictures I've already bombarded Facebook with. Seriously, this girl is so talented. Here are the pictures:

Z

I love these pictures. I could have a wall of them in my house ;)

Sunday our big to do was buying H an umbrella stroller. It was our first time going to Babies R Us, and both Brian and I found it to be extremely dangerous. It's like a Mecca of baby goodies. Needless to say we did not leave with just a stroller. But seriously, turkey slippers for Thanksgiving? Come on. How could we not?

And we had to do a family walk to try out the new pretty purple stroller:

We capped off the weekend with taco night and The Walking Dead.

It's so tough for the weekend to end but I am looking forward to my mom coming over tonight. That lady is amazing. On Tuesdays, she goes to spin class at 5:30 am, works all day, then comes over to bring us dinner and play with Hartley. Can you say super nana?!

But after her coming over I might start counting down to Friday afternoon!! Love the weekends. 

Weekday life.

The above picture basically sums up my life. These two crack me up and tire me out simultaneously. I'm their wrangler, their referee and their entertainment. Can someone tell me what they are always talking to each other about? Hartley is babbling "dadadadadaaaaahhhhhh dadadadadaaaaahhhhhh". Winnie is like, "roger. I totes agree." 

When Hartley isn't pulling Winnie's tail or grabbing her paws or lunging at her, she's pulling books out of one of her 50 thousand book boxes. She'll pull out like 10 before she hands me one to read. It is such an understatement to say she loves books. I'd say we read about a dozen books a day but we could probably triple that, and she'd be cool with it.

Oh and the fall one she's holding is one of those bright baby touch and feel books. She's in love with touch and feel books right now. 

Her top reading request is Corduroy though.

When it's nice we love to go for walks. The most popular walk is around Lake Newport but recently I take her for a lot of walks in "future neighborhood". Brian and I call it "future neighborhood" because we like to pick out our future dream house. 

Since its been rainy, and we have to kill time inside, she takes a really long, leisurely afternoon bath. I just bought her new bath toys, including alphabet letters. 

After her baths she has naked time. It's cute but that's a picture that doesn't need to be on here ;) it's for lucky mom eyes only. Getting a diaper on that tush is a struggle all day, every day. That production takes singing and funny faces and brut strength. After some lavender lotion she might zonk out and pop up her tush like this:

And I'll try to recover some energy for when she's ready to go again:

So those are a few bits of how our days go.

Eat. Crawl. Climb. Bounce. Read. Bottle. Cat nap. Play. Crawl. Climb. Errands. Walk. Eat. Bath. Naked time. Bottle. Real nap. Play. Read. Stroll. Bounce. Eat. Dad's home! Play. Bottle. Bed.

Shuffle in play dates, park visits, target runs, lots of laundry and my parents bringing over dinner and those are our weekdays. 

Now if only I could get her to add snuggle to that list ;)